How do I deal with my b/f not being able to trust me. Im not allowed out alone and it really getting me down. I love him more than anything but can't handle him not trusting me enough to go out. I dont understand as I have never done anything to make him not trust me. Im now on anti-depressants and have lost all my friends, Im only eighteen and I cant imagine my life without him. Please help?
2007-03-26 23:36:27 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
you say you cant handle it in 1 line then the last line you say you cant live without him.
Make your mind up what you want out of your life,either you want him and this will come with him not trusting you always giving you a hard time OR you cant handle it anymore and leave him.
It doesnt matter if you have done anything or not,your boyfriend has a problem and he copes by not trusting anyone and always wondering what you are up to so to save himself from all this worry the easiest way for him to cope better is to get you away from your friends,family etc.
That way he knows exactly what your doing so it makes his life better for him.
What about you though?
Ask yourself,what you have around you,you will probably find the only answer is your boyfriend.
Ask yourself what he has around him,the answer will be you,his friends his job his family.
Does this sound fair to you?
How do i know all this,i was once in your shoes when i was 17,i didnt listen to anyone who tried to warn me about him,i thought he was great and thought it was nice that he wanted me all to himself,what i couldnt see was him pulling me away from my family my friends.
By the time i realised what everyone was trying to warn me about about it was too late,my so called boyfriend who proclaimed to not to be able to live without me,that he would kill himself if we split up,that i dont need anyone else other than him,one night broke my jaw.
My family or friends didnt throw it back in my face with 'i told you so' all they were interested in was that i was ok.
If your family are worried about you and you dont see your friends anymore because of him then you need to listen to the people around you.
Your parents love you,you are their daughter and they worry about you,especially when they see a dramatic change in you over such a short space of time.
Go to your parents,listen to their worries and concerns,dont pass it off as nosey parents and dont let your boyfriend make your mind up for you.
Listen when people say they feel your in danger,the last thing you want is to be another statistic of an abused victim because believe me it will happen.
Men like your boyfriend are everywhere,you need to see the signs of jealousy and control as early as possible and leave.
I really do hope you read this email because from the way your question read,it doesnt matter what anyone says about him,you wont leave,please prove me wrong
2007-03-27 00:07:14 · answer #1 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's more trouble than he worth and to be honest I'm a little bit worried about what you've described as I've had female friends who've been in a similar situation and the relationship has turned violent.
What you need to realise is that this is not your fault, you've probably shown no reason for him to distrust you, other than the fact that he realises other men will find you attractive. For some reason he feels a need to control you, probably because his life is out of control in some way or because something happened to him at some point in his life. I can put money on it that he'll probably try to control the next girl after you if you leave him and I think you should! Be brave and good luck!
2007-03-26 23:44:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry to read your situation.
I agree with you that he is controlling and maybe you should talk about it with him. At the moment you say you love him more than anything but that will soon fade away if the situation doesn't change. I don't know much about anti-depressants but i know that they are only given to people in serious cases.
Also most times when somebody is in an controlling relationship it can sometimes lead to abuse.
You are only 18 and that is the time when you should be enjoying life and being around friends.. Maybe you should try and gain contact with them again and they might be able to help you with your relationship.
Or you should just leave him.
2007-03-26 23:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by desrine_t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think that you should not be able to STAND your life with him. I understand that you care for him, but this is a relationship that is going to end up hurting you and maybe killing you. Often when a man is this controlling he only gets worse! He has already taken almost everything from you and if you are prepared to loose your family also you can stay with him. But if you want your life back, you MUST leave him!! You did fine before you met him and you will do fine after him. I am sure that it will be hard at first, but you must think about your future! If you stay with him, you will not have one. He will not stop at this, he will probably become physically and verbally abusive, and I have heard and read about situations like this when the woman tries to have friends, the man gets angry and kills her. This guy is NOT Emotionally well, and he needs help, you will not be able to change him. I can not stress this enough that you MUST LEAVE HIM!! Then you can turn to your old friends to help you through the heart ache. There will be a nice guy out there that will want to date you and you are too young to be saddled with a controlling man. Dump him and get a real man that will treat you like a queen. Get someone that will love you for who you are and NOT try to control you. PLEASE!!! We don't need any more abused women out there!! I have worked in a battered womans shelter and all of the women were running from men like you described, most of them married the jerks and then the physical abuse started, and the A********* even hurt their children. I saw too many children with broken bones because of jerks like you have described. Save yourself.
2007-03-26 23:47:59 · answer #4 · answered by gigi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is blind...your not seeing the real him. You are 18 years old not 28-38 or 48.....get out of this relationship now. A man who is trying to control your life has his own issues, which HE needs to deal with. With love, comes trust and understanding, he, from what you have said does not have these qualities about him. How as an 18 year old, would you want this type of relationship. You should be worshiped, cared for, loved. Grow and find yourself, before you commit. I know it probably sounds like a cliche to you, but darlin, if only we had our time again, unfortunately we dont, so we have to make the best decisions we can. You know the relationship you have with your b/f is wrong, it is holding you back and you are feeling isolated. Only YOU can change that. Please be strong, grab your life back and make the very best of it.
2007-03-26 23:44:25 · answer #5 · answered by jude 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not proud of it but I've been on the other side of the coin. This is very serious & for your own safety you really need to get out now while you can. Controlling people get worse with time, not better. Your world cannot revolve around him only & eventually you will blame him for you losing your friends. He may have a good heart but he needs help. He's insecure, controlling & next comes abusive.
2007-03-27 00:04:29 · answer #6 · answered by CrazyEddy06 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out before it's too late. Love is being able to trust one another and if he cannot trust you, then you are going to feel cramped and depressed! All of us need some space to be our self and a relationship where one partner tries to control and lock up the other is sure headed for disaster.
You say you can't imagine life without him now, but from what I have read in your question, I cannot imagine how you are going to have a life with him - unless he is willing to change and let go of his hold on you.
2007-03-26 23:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by Seng Kim T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you need to make a mature, adult decision. Either you choose to live your life without friends, confined as a prisoner and never being trusted (and remember this can continue to escalate into more and more severe abuse). Or you choose to not live your life this way. You cannot change another person, you can only change your own interaction with them. Therefore you can't have both, your boyfriend and your freedom and friends, at the same time. You may need to go for some professional counseling to help you sort this out before it escalates to true domestic violence and especially before you have any babies in such a situation.
2007-03-26 23:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by charmedchiclet 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Kelly, you have serious issues to deal with, first off no one can control you---that is abuse---no matter how you look at it. So get away from him--you love him?? Love what?? He is a controlling manipulator who fiound a girl to play his silly dangerous game. He is insecure, disrespectful, immature and dangerous---it will only get worse. Guaranteed he will find another girl just like you---all nice in the beginning--then the control starts--there is not any love with you from him--you are a toy.Stop saying the word love--you aren't describing love as defined the world over-----Now if you don't leave NOW--it is your own fault--you control yourself---so stop talking to him and tell him to move on---stand tall--control freaks hate a strong woman--mark my words. good luck
2007-03-26 23:49:15 · answer #9 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you really need to get in contact with your friends or make new ones. Its so important to have your own independence and friends so that if things do go wrong, you have people there to care for you and help get you through. You need to put your foot down with your boyfriend. Believe me, he wont leave you. He will see you're a strong independent woman and will see what a catch you are and will want to hang on to you! His insecurities are his problem, you havent done anything wrong. He needs to shake out of it himself and trust you or otherwise hon, you're just going to have to find the strength from someone to ditch him and move on and find someone who uplifts you and celebrates with you what a great person you are! You will get over it and wonder why the hell you were with him in the first place! Good luck!
2007-03-26 23:42:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋