how do i make my ex realise being a dad is more than pulling funny faces?

Question

i'm 34 weeks, my ex seems to think that cuz he's great wiv other ppls kids (youngest is 4 yrs old) he'll be a fantastic dad and doesn't need 2 learn how 2 change a nappy, how to test bath temp etc. i tried to get him last night to help me with the birth plan thinking that might help, but he said he doesn't care what happens aslong as shes born healthy n im ok. which yea is nice, but i was kinda hoping if i did that he'd realise 'crap, i duno the 1st thing abt a baby!'
he won't get anything 4 her, other than a teddy that is actaully so scarey i cnt hav it in the room @ night! he's acting like a single carefree man evn tho he'll be a dad very soon. he has no job, no money n keeps going to his mum 2 get rent. how can i make him grow up in time to help me with midnight feeds n nappy changes?! everytime i say out right he needs 2 grow up he has a go n storms out! plz help

we weren't married, he's my ex BOYFRIEND. he left me when i was 6 months pregnant, two weeks after we talked about getting married at some stage

y'kno what? if ur guno sit there saying its my own fault for falling in love with him and having a baby with him then get lost! i need help getting him to realise he'll be a DAD soon, and yes, i do want him involoved in everything, its his daughter i think he should be involoved.
if ur guno sit n have a go then dnt bother answering my question. i need ACTUAL help, not ppl saying im a slag 4 sleeping with the man i love

SAINT: lol, he doesn't kno im scared of the teddy, didn't hav the heart to tell him. i tried all guns blazing..amusingly enuf dnt work, i've tried tlkin calmly and asking his input on different matters, but he just says he can't b bothered 2 tlk about it. he's rather go out on the lash everynight.
i have the joys of tlking to him today about child maintance as the letter came through today asking for the fathers address, name all that jazz. i'd rather sort summat out between us than using the government

Answer 1

Hi i sympathise with you, my boyfriend of 10 years left me when i was 5 months pregnant. He was much the same, no matter how much i tried to have him involved in the pregnancy he didn't want to help with birthplans etc. He really only got interested when the baby was born, but still didn't want to do things like change nappies etc, he just wanted to do the good stuff. What i have started doing is leaving the baby with him for short periods, starting for about half an hour and building it up so that he will realise that what it is like caring fo a baby. He is now much better and will change the nappies, feed him etc. So you could try this when you have the baby. Good luck

Answer 2

You can try to get the guy prepared all you want. If he's still running to mum for money that's prime example that he is immature. But not all hope is lost yet. A lot of guys don't get it until they hold that baby for the first time. Stop telling him to grow up. You have matured because you feel that baby move you know that there something very special in you. But ex don't have a clue. And he can't grow up until he realizes that the baby is more then a toy.I do think when the baby is born he'll change at least a little. If all else fails make him take the baby for the night and he'll realize making faces isn't going to get it with a newborn.Good luck.

Answer 3

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Unfortunately, you can't make him step up to the plate and do those things. My hubby is good with kids, but you should have seen the first time he put on a diaper. (I was 10 weeks pregnant and poopie diapers made The Excorcist look good) It was all lopsided and off his leg. It wasn't our child but the one we babysat for. As soon as he found out he bought a parents discipline book and started feeding and changing diapers all the time. He's getting better. It sounds like he's not going to be responsible (and I hope I am wrong) for those things so it might be beneficial if you maybe babysat for a friend a few time (with an infant) and learn how to do the basics. Don't worry, every woman has been a first time mommy and not all are lucky enough to change 18 neices and nephews diapers (Don't ask how many diapers altogether I have changed, I've lost count) and learn how to do those things. However, many new moms have did it and did a fantastic job. You'll learn. I really hope that he gets his priorities straight but know that you will be a good mom. Yes, it can be overwhelming, but you will get through it. It may help to get some support (if you do not already) outside of your ex and who might be able to help you a little to start out. He'll find out a few things about infants though (especially the first weeks). They eat, sleep, cry, crap and sleep and cry again. Of course this changes in a couple months or so when they coo, but they do not have a set routine and though they sleep alot, it seems like you never sleep. They sleep about 4 hours at a time, but ask anyone who has had children and even that time varies. He may just think it is a piece of cake and he still has 4 more years to go before that baby gets the youngest age he is used too. At that age they are usually potty trained and are out of diapers. He may just have it in his head it will be a breeze. Sorry, your in a hard position. I know you and your baby girl will do well and it sounds like he loves children, but I don't think he realizes just how difficult changing a diaper for a first time can be.

22 weeks pregnant with baby girl.

Answer 4

You cant make him. If i were you I would suck it up and know you are on your own. You can force him to pay support if he works a crappy job just to show the court he is work which is something alot of men do............... You wont get much a week, like 20.00 which is only 80.00 a month. You can do it !!! Hopefully he will grow up before its too late.

He is a single man. Your the one having the baby , its all on you.

Im not being mean, My ex is worthless, I dont go after him for support because he wont work, and its not worth the effort. My ex doesnt come around . he doesnt care about the kids. I have 2 kids and the 3rd on the way....... You can do it.

You can want him involved until your blue in the face, but until he feels he wants too it wont happen. He is the one with the choice. Once he starts dating someone eles he will even lose more interest.

You can fight him for support yes, However it might make him dodge working , Yes you can get him arrested if he plays that game too long..... but what good will that do your daughter....... None, I would bet he says he doesnt think its his and you will have to do a DNA test. Men try to use that one.

Good luck

Answer 5

8,000 miles is a extensive cultural divide and that i think which you got here from the 'different' u . s . a . the place family contributors is the main severe ingredient of on an frequently happening basis existence in spite of the form you grew to grow to be slightly of the family contributors. I additionally suspect which you're severely youthful than the particularly mom could be now. This has a down side by using fact the daughter will see you extra as a wager than in case you have been older. i in my opinion do no longer consider the 'daughters are shielding of their fathers' they're jealous it particularly is all it particularly is .. My stepdaughter is comparable, i'm no longer able to in any respect do something suitable. besides the undeniable fact that I relatively have spoken along with her mom and instructed her that i can not placed up with the trauma to any extent further and that i'm a guy!! on your case it ought to no longer be relatively elementary to try this yet its worth a attempt lower back. In some years the lady will fly the nest then your husband and you will commence a high quality existence. on the different hand what number circumstances do you get 'abode' on your mom u . s . a .? in spite of its a worldwide participant or third worldwide in progression it continues to be your abode and that i think that some matters between you're cultural and without help it is going to likely be even harder for you. Get a house holiday and get issues in perpsective. save your head and save your cool. Now the undesirable bit. If she intentionally pulled the chair removed from then you you definately might have been heavily injured. At 18 she ought to observe of the outcomes of her movements. In regulation she could be in charge. Throwing peanuts at you is a stupid little female attempting to get interest. Letting off a occasion popper on your face is risky. in the experience that your husband does no longer see this then possibly you should locate yet another.

Answer 6

A lot of times when a man becomes a father and sees and holds the baby, his outlooks changes for the best. I hope he will see how serious and important his role in the baby's life. Don't be pushy, but drop little hints of things along the way that he can do to set good examples of being a good father. Let him know this is new for you too. You can be the best parents you can be for a little person who needs your love and care. Try not to be too rigid with your ex; he may recent it. Just take it one day at a time.
Be happy. This may bring you two closer together.

Answer 7

I understand you are in a difficult situation but men handle childbirth and bringing up babies very differently to us women. To be honest, many men don't come into their own as Dads until the child starts walking and talking. A lot of men, and I do not mean to stereotype here, find it easier to bond with a toddler than a baby. The shock of actually becoming a parent doesn't hit you until you leave the hospital and are left at home on your own holding the baby and wondering what on earth to do with it!

You might find this will shock him into wanting to make something more of his life for his child's sake. It might take a while and you will probably find yourself doing a lot of the hard work, but believe me you will love every minute of being a mum so do not stress too much. Stay strong and realise that you don't need a man to make to your child happy :)

Answer 8

Perhaps you need to phrase it in a way that he doesn't find threatening or aggressive. You have every right to be angry with him - it's his baby too, and he needs to take a role. However, in order to move this situation forward constructively, you need to put it in terms he'll understand.

If you stomp in there all guns blazing and say "You need to grow up!", he's going to feel like you're nagging him, and he'll just stop listening.

Instead, you could try sitting him down and being non-confrontational. Perhaps put it in terms like this:

"Ex, I'm really excited about this baby, and I'm really thrilled that you're so good with kids. However, I have a few concerns about how this situation is going to work.

"I'd really appreciate your thoughts on exactly how we can organise things like money and childcare. I don't want to leave it until after the baby is born, because I'll have a lot on my plate then, and I would really feel more comfortable and happy if we could sort some things out before then."

Hopefully he will go for this if you say it calmly and constructively. The key thing is to include him: invite his opinions, listen to what he has to say, incorporate his ideas into your plans for the kid.

If you just start saying stuff like "I hate that freaky teddy", he will feel like everything he tries to do for the kid is criticised by you, and he'll stop doing anything.

If you treat him as a naughty boy, he'll behave like a naughty boy. If you treat him as a respected equal, there's a chance that he'll behave like a respected equal.

Good luck!

Answer 9

hi there, is there any chance of you 2 getting back together, if not then he is still single and carefree, i was 14 when my 1st was born and i knew nothing my family helped me all they could but i did all the nappies and feeds he's my baby i should do it, as for your X boyfriend well whilst his mum is giving him money then he don't have the need to grow up, so do what you have to do for you and your baby and drop the X, and if his mother is giving him money for rent where do you think he's gonna get money for the baby from i don't think it'll be his pocket more like his mums, so tell the government what they want to know coz they wont stop asking I've had them on my back for years now coz the father of my middle 2 is a drunken lazy slob that thinks only of himself and yes his mother used to give him money for drink, and yes that means 4 kids 3 different fathers coz i didn't know what useless slobs they was till it was to late and yes 3 of my children are from protected sex, not all protection works so ignore them that say you shouldn't have had unprotected sex.

Answer 10

I really wish I had a good answer for you but my 4 year olds father still doesn't care the only time he has shown any kind of interest is when i changed my sons surname to my current partners surname as he has brought him up most of his life. Tell him that if he doesn't take part in his childs life now then he won't be allowed to take part in his/her life after he/she is born. Scare tactics are the only thing that has kind of got my ex interested in his son but even then he doesn't care that much. Good luck try not let him get you stressed it's not good for you or the baby take care.