How can I stop focusing on the past and move on..?

Question

im in my mid 20's and my life was not all smelling of roses! I had a pretty tough childhood and in my teens i was not so perfect! Now I can see what i have done wrong and try to make it right! I had done so many mistakes but i cant seems to forgive my self! I keep punishing my self!

Im stuck in the past, which is stopping me from having a good future.

how do i overcome this, please help me!

I have a mother who never lets me forget the mistakes I have made! Which the hardest because I live in the same house!

Answer 1

maybe try talking to someone and getting it all off your chest, or write it all down in a diary, you need to get it out in the open whether its on paper on to another person.....maybe if you wrote it in a note book, you could then burn the notebook when you are ready to finally let go of your past...by doing this you have it out int the open so to speak, and you have also let go of it all and should be able to get on with you life and have a good time.....i used to keep a diary, and had some awful things happen to me, often when i was feeling on a high, and having a good day, i would go home and read my diary as a form of punishment....i have since spoken to someone about it all and ditched the diary and things have never been better....hope you get to a good place with yourself...remember whats done is done, you cant change it now, get on and enjoy yourself....life is too short

Answer 2

I'm going to try a quote here from James Herriot, I'm not sure if I can recall exactly but here it is:

"... you're using excuses for beating yourself up... Depression is a dark valley... it will clear when you have an aim in life..."

In my experience (for what it's worth!) I could not move on either... stark reminders every day re: losses...
My sister kept saying crossly: "Stop living in the past!"
But i couldn't. Then I realised no-one can! The past IS a part of you... the most we can hope for is not to have painful memories... & we need to find a way to make any pain less of a pain (if you understand what I mean), & I think the way to do that is to TALK to good friends... who can put you right / make you see where & how things went wrong / give you insights, clue up up, make suggestions... so that your life is viewed more as a progressive whole... (It is sad we are now expected to pay someone to listen...)
So I guess what I'm really trying to say is don't expect too much of yourself... let the past remain in the past, live your life forwards, but remember the past & use the memories (not all of them were bad, surely) so that hindsight makes you wiser.
That is all any of us can do!
I hope this helps you. (Sorry if it's a bit muddled).

Answer 3

janey, to start you must use the past as a tool or a compass (so to speak), you cant forget, thats a good thing cause then you'd forget you done something wrong and wouldn't know better and do it again. its ok to make mistakes and noones perfect! the mistake your making by punishing yourself may be the biggest one you;ve ever made. you need to stop.
your the only one you have to rely on for a brighter future.
however, you cant go back and turn all your wrongs into rights.
whats done is done. leave it lay, put it to rest. just work on tomorrow what you do after you've learned what you've done is more important and as long as you dont repeat your mistakes, then it was just that, a mistake!
cope, deal, next. your future is counting on you.
you are not stuck! time wont wait.
wish you well.

Answer 4

You know it is very hard not to dwell in the past. I totally live in the past. I keep my memories alive but when it is time to move on you will. I know how rough mom's can be. I just had to tell my mom to f-off because I couldn't take it any longer. I am 32 years old and for the first time since I was 19 I feel stronger and wiser. I am married with 4 children so it helps to keep busy.

You might try to journal your feelings so that way you can put them down on paper and "visit" them when you need to.

and quit punishing yourself for your mistakes. Nobody is perfect. Just try and be the best you can. Take one day at a time.

Good luck!

Answer 5

you are already on track. Look at wat u wrote,
u just did the first step. You admit that you are having problem and you know that you need help.
well, congrats, u just passed the first step.

The next thing that you have to do is to tell urself all the time that , if you keep on thinking the way you do now, you are not improving.
But sometimes, thinking too much is not the answer, i do not expect you to over-telling urself that.
Just get yourself busy and focus about other things.

Anyway, why shud you regret wat you have done, wasnt that all let you know what you shouldnt do
and what you should have done in that situation??
you are just a person with a plenty of experience, you know what u should and should not have done !

If you think that you can not forgive yourself, then maybe you can try to be someone who can advise people who has the same problem. If you can fix it on yourself, at least you can help people avoid the same thing.

Answer 6

What is over is over, we can never change the past but we can change the future, so look ahead and live life with a fresh start.

To overcome your your problem, you have to muster up faith in yourself and learn to be positive! God forgives our sins and forgets our past, so why shouldn't you forgive yourself and move on! Life is too short for us to wallow in self pity, bad experiences are meant for us to learn lessons to become better and stronger people. You have taken the lessons so now, press on and go for the future!

Answer 7

You can do two things. One is counseling, which you may have already thought of. It works pretty well depending on whether you pick a good counselor.

The other is to replace your thoughts with brand new ones. Pick new hobbies and put all your energy towards your new sport, hobby, volunteering, or studies as much as possible. Whenever you catch yourself thinking bad old thoughs, tell yourself "No!" and redirect yourself immediately, call someone, or go do something else.

Eventually you will lose the habit of thinking in the old ways and you'll have your life back. Good luck.

Answer 8

Feelings start with thoughts and you have control over your thoughts or can devolop that control. One good thing to do is to start by accepting yourself for being you, and understanding you are not perfect, its ok to make mistakes. Its ok to reflect on the past and learn from it but use your reasoning power and dismiss those unncessary negative thoughts by giving yourself solid reasons for letting them go. Decide to let it go and stick to it based on those logical reasons you came up with.

Think of the good things you have done or experienced and let yourself FEEL good about it. Focus on reasonable goals for the future and learn to have a sense of humor about yourself. At times its good to step back and see the big picture, its good to understand your own limits. Each day reflect on positive things you have done, even if they are small.

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

that sounds just like me.im 33and i realised all my mistakes about 10yrs ago,i was far from good when i was growing up. but you cant turn back time,and all the wrong things will turn you into a better person because you have experienced that bit more.and for the things you did wrong to people then they wont forget but will forgive and you can only make them proud of who you are now,trust mei have been there!!! hope this helps x

Answer 10

Janey, We all have our crosses to bear. I once had some things happen that I couldn't get past. In time I came to see that there was nothing I could do about it. The past is just that, gone forever. I hope that you will come to see the same thing. Yesterday is gone,tomorrow hasn't got here yet so live for today !