I admire those who can accept their partners children from a previous marriage and feel love for them.
My husband has a 19 year old child from a previous marriage that I have never met. Our four children do not even know he exists.
After over 16 years the child now wants to meet my husband.
I just wish this child would disappear and leave us completely alone. I feel sick at the thought that he may come and visit.
We are a VERY happy family of six and I know that I cannot handle a visit from this child (now a man).
I know people will say horrible things about me, but I am not a horrible person. I am just being honest because I am soooo worried this child will ruin my happy family and my relationship.
The mother of this child and her family made it impossible for my husband to see this child after the marriage break-up and moved with no forwarding address. There has been no contact til now.
Please give constructive advise, not abuse!
2007-03-26 21:58:12 · 14 answers · asked by Peta G 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There is life before marriage and sometimes this is a result of one. Has his son actually given you cause for thisconcrn or are you just worried about the unknowns here like will his presence bring up feelings in your husband for his mother? Give the boy the benefit of a doubt and that he actually wants to know his biological father and nothing that youre worried about may never happen. Hes probably just as scared about this as you are. You can always arrange to meet him on some neutral grounds like a restaurant or such for the first time. Who knows you may actually grow to like him. Dont ruin this for your husband. Its going to be hard for him too. Just get thru this and move on. Good luck
2007-03-26 22:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON. you want to protect your family. this is a very hard situation been a step-parent definitely not easy. my suggestion would be to leave it alone and not say anything about him but if your husband wants him to visit let him visit with open arms. you have to be careful for a couple reasons, one you can't fully trust this kid two if you object too much your husband may resent you for not seeing his son. and i hate to say it but it is his son. at one time he did have a bond with this child, and it probably eats away at him everyday that he missed out on this child growing up because of some vindictive witch. so i would show your husband how much you love him and let the kid come and visit and hope in my heart that it doesn't work out or who knows maybe you'll like the kid too.
Good Luck
2007-03-26 22:13:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just want to say that I understand how you feel.
You are threatened by the unknown.
Naturally, as a mother, you will do what you need to to protect your family, especially your children.
If this 19 year threatens to cause problems in your relationship or family then your husband should tell him to stay way and that you don't want to see him ....EVER!
If you're husband has not known him in 19 years then he is merely a sperm donor and has no obligations!
2007-03-27 02:41:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lynny S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what would you have 'the child' do? he's now 'able' to see who his dad is...not who he 'was'. was it 'the child's' fault he was born to two immature people at the time of his young life? before you jump to conclusions...he wants to 'meet' his estranged father...doesnt mean he wants to live there. thank your lucky stars that he took on the good path in life and made a complete family and doing well for the children of his current home. the young man coming to meet your husband...wont be a young man...'inside, he will be a curious and hopeful child'. be compassionate....he might need this 'adventure' to release him from past heartache. just please remember...this visit is not about you...make it about the young man who grew up without his father. peace
2007-03-26 22:24:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously your husband has terrible taste when in comes to choosing a wife. Twice he has been stuck with a woman who has a limited amount of love to give.
Too bad your husband can not sue his former wife for alienation of affection.
That said... I suggest your husband meet this young adult in private. At this stage it is more important that your husband have the time to explain to his son/daughter what really happened. This is not about you. If you can't handle it like a caring adult back off and let your husband have this opportunity to reconnect. The truth is you can not stop this from happening.
2007-03-26 22:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not abuse? How cruel can you be to say "I just wish this child would disappear and leave us completely alone"? You have not heart so just deal with what you've been dealt with. You can't run from your problems, you're not 19.
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