I can't seem to manage my own interpersonal relationships...?

Question

although i have a degree in a closely related field to psychology, I can't seem to manage my own interpersonal relationships...typical eh? I am attractive and post graduate but seem to be drawn to men that will stick around but don't want to "define" a relationship. Is it me that doesn't want a significant relationship and therefore subconsciously seek out these men?

Answer 1

It is my experience that when someone has had a pattern of picking emotionally unavailable mates, the person is trying to heal a past relationship with a significant caregiver of their youth/adolescence.

As humans, our minds don't do well with "unfinished business" and will lead us into similar circumstances so we can "get it right this time." Problem is, we don't become aware of this until a pattern of unsatisfactory relationships, behaviors, etc. confronts us.

Some of this is explained at this web page on Healing Your Past:
http://www.my-counseling-site/counseling-heal-past.html

You may also benefit from looking at these pages on
Self-esteem, and Codependency:
http://www.my-counseling-site/self-esteem.html
http://www.my-counseling-site/codependence-counseling.html

Ultimately, when we heal the past issue, we free ourselves to make choices that are in our best interest, and we no longer "pick" mates that aren't available for emotional commitment.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

Maybe subconsciously you have adapted this standard in choosing someone or how things should go in a relationship, and thats just okay but at times when you're trying to adjust to maintain a relationship (and compromise a bit of that "standard"), you're having problems because your mind is split. The mind thinks of what is ideal for you, but your other selfish self wants what is enjoyable.