some of my poems...?

Question

i tried to make flowers and unicorns sad...tell me how i did...
im only 11...

Flowers
Depressing- Just as flowers slowly perish, just as our love…Flowers slowly wither away, lifeless on the cold winter's ground…For our love is just as flowers...Beautiful and stunning, at first glance…However, our love slowly dies…and we are together no more…One day, I'll be with you once more…Maybe not in this world, but nirvana…As the cold wind blowing my glamorous ebony hair…I hold a lustrous knife in my hand, as I feel the pain…and as crimson blood drips from my wrist…I know I'm going to be with you….

Unicorns
Depressing- Unicorns are only a illusion…Faked happiness, told to little naïve children…For Unicorns are only to make the world have hope, that someday…You'll ride a unicorn, and everything is going to be okay…Unicorns creates hope….Hope creates fake lies, that never come true…It's time to face the truth, the world isn't a happy place…Full of sunshine and smiling faces…The world truly is eb

The world truly is ebony skies, with suffering…Unicorns, just a illusion of happiness…

dats the end lol

Answer 1

Great start, However the only thing that I could fault is that the poems do seem to be a little disjointed (not flowing easily). This however comes with practice. I would sugest looking into poems by Edgar Allen Poe, especially The Raven for examples of dark imagery and flowing structure. Keep it up.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Why did you tried to make it sad? There are some many sad things in the world that I don't think we should use our talent to create sad worlds! That is only my oppinion but I really believe that thruth about these two things is much deeper and I truly believe you can use you talent to find it!! I don't think unicorns were invented to make people less sad! ;) . And I also think that in order to be sure of your capacity of writing you should participate in a competition! Good luck!!!