How do I tell my daughter's biological father that we have to move out- of- state??

Question

My daughters father(still lives at home with his parents at 28) & I were never married. We were very young when our 8 year old was born. I am now married, with 2 more kids. My husband ,and daughters' father do get along very well. He sees her maybe like 1 day a week. We have to move about 3 hours away. We can't afford to live where we are living now. We are totally willing to still let him see & call her as much as he wants. I'd even drive the 3 hours to take her to visit him. I still have family living in the area and will be back several times a year. So it's not like we are leaving and never being heard from. How do I soften this blow? How do i tell him what's going on without him getting angry and possibly suing for custody?

Answer 1

Just tell the truth.Sooner or later they will know anyways.

Answer 2

I would tell him you cant afford to live in the area, and ask him if its ok if you move 3 hours away. He can still see his daughter, you will personally drive her and hes welcomed any time to come visist. But you need to think of your other two children as well.

I would ask first, it makes him feel like he has a say in daughters life, you cant just tell him "we are moving away", custody doesnt work like that and if he feels he has no control over the situation, then it coud come down to that. And if the child was born and raised for her life in the city, he could have grounds to make her stay.

Ask first, if he says no. Then you worry about what to do next, but he shouldnt say no if you tell him exacally how you told us.

Answer 3

You seem like a reasonably mature adult and it helps that you are concerned for his feelings. So make that work for you. Ask to see him and tell him exactly why you need to move but also tell him you want him to continue to be an active part of his daughters life and so you are willing to try and work something out where he doesn't have to do all the work in traveling or whatever else is involved. The more you make it like you are willing to help him continue to be a part of her life, the more he will appreciate it and be less likely to become belligerent over the matter. So alot of understanding on your part would be good along with you bringing some of the solutions to the table will help. The last thing you want is for you to tell him and not have any ideas and make it look like its up to him to have all the answers. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Invite him out for coffeee and dessert, and with your husband there (possibly), let him know how far away (time wise) you will have to move, and aprox. date of when you will move. Let him know you are willing to drive your child for the 3 hrs. to let him see this child. Also, be willing to go to court (if possible), to change the parenting plan the part of visitation-transporting the child, you may want to meet half way, or do the 3 hr. drive. Your choice. Take care.By the way, if the father is decent, there should be no concern of custody battle, just let him know how important you see the relationship continue between him, and your daughter, for the 3 hr. drives. OK? ok.

Answer 5

Theres no use fr him to sue you for custody because it just wont happen unless youre ruled unfit so dont worry about that. If youre remaining in the same state then youre safe other than just explaing to him what you said above. Now if youre changing states youre going to need his written permission to do so, even if you two were never married but as long as hes listed as father on birth certificate. You can always petition the court for permission if he refuses. But if its only 3 hours and youre willing to do what you state above then there shouldnt really be a problem but you better act quickly so you have time to react just in case of a problem. Remember the courtswill always consider the best interest of the children before all else. Good luck

Answer 6

It seems like you all get along pretty well. If he’s still going to be allowed his regular visits and you’re going to provide the transportation, then he probably won’t have a problem with it. However….

“I still have family living in the area and will be back several times a year”

I hope you’re not suggesting that he would go from seeing his daughter every week to only seeing her a few times a year. IF that’s the case, expect him to be pissed and expect him to take you to court (I would if it were me). If that happens, he can request that you be required to provide all the transportation with no disruption to his visitation. And he may very well get it, because it’s YOU that’s creating the distance (regardless of the reason).

Answer 7

If you tell him exactly what you just said, the reasons why you have to move, and that he will still be able to see your child, he should be okay with it, especially since you are willing to do the driving.....It's not like you are moving thousands of miles away, I am sure he would be a little upset, but it isn't a real big move. Good Luck and God Bless, everything will be okay.
Just say everything you said in your question, with the exception of child custody issue.

Answer 8

First of all you have to check the custody papers...do they say you CAN take her out of state? If not then you HAVE to have her biological father's permission to take her out of state. If you DO take her out of state without permission he can have you charged with kidnapping and transporting across the boarder and then there won't be any suing for custody because you and your present husband will be in prision, your children by him will be in foster care and your 8 year old will be in the permanent custody of her biological father. I suggest you don't TELL him you're moving, but rather you ASK if you can take her with you. In fact he should have been informed of the possibility prior to this.

Answer 9

ok tell him and then make an arrangment if you trust him then let your daughter stay the weekend or something every once in a while if its possible and summer is coming soon so make some long visits. but saying all of this assuming that he is able to take care of her properly

Answer 10

Just tell him and hope for the best if he only see's her 1 day a week it doesnt sound like he is having a large effect on his life. Just come out and tell him.