Feelings of emptiness inside...?

Question

Back in June of 2002, I lost my girlfriend due to a car accident. We had been together for almost 3 years. I felt so much heartache and pain inside because I loved her so…
Soon after, I started helping my neighbor with her Grandson (now 11 years old). The Grandmother has many health problems, so I've tried to be here for her and help her out. During the last 4 years, I've done many things with him that I never really got to do as a child myself (fishing, camping, baseball...etc.) Recently, I've registered him in Scouting and became a volunteer myself. I've become emotionally attached to this child. It may seem bizarre with the age difference, (I’m 22 years old), but I've been a mentor, a leader AND a friend all at once. I almost feel like he's my child and I love him very much.
Suddenly his Grandmother and he are moving in May, and I'm starting to feel the same way I did when I lost my girlfriend, those feelings of emptiness and sadness. Is this normal and does one go about healing?

Answer 1

yes it is normal and remember this too shall pass. tomorow is promised to nobody, find what happiness you can in this life, these are just part of life's challenges, take them in stride and move forward, to your next challenge this world has to give you. around the corner left or right are new challlenges and new opportunities. good luck and take care.

Answer 2

I think that what you're feeling is completely normal. You experienced a terrible loss. As a result of being kind to your neighbor, you ended up with someone to help fill the emptiness you were feeling; therefore becoming blessings to each other. You did a wonderful thing in helping to give this boy a positive male role model, and I'm sure he is probably stressed about the idea of losing you as a part of his life. Maybe you can make arrangements to write or e-mail every week or so, to call once in a while, and maybe you could even go to visit every so often. It won't be the same, but contact will be maintained.
You know, there are many kids out there who could use someone like you to help guide them by example, be a friend and a mentor. You could check into the local Big Brothers/Big Sisters organization (sometimes listed under United Way), the Boys & Girls Club of America, the YMCA or one of the other charitable organizations that help out youth, handicapped, or other people in need.
You do need to make sure that you're not just trying to keep yourself too busy to deal with your feelings regarding your original loss. If you haven't come to terms with that, you may never be able to form a really healthy and fulfilling relationship with another woman. That would be a real loss, because you sound like a very good person. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

I believe the word the head docs use is transference, which it seems is what you did to help yourself heal through the grieving process. Perhaps you never actually went through the
entire period of mourning because you poured your emotions
into this child instead of giving yourself the time it takes to truly heal.

I think this is normal for you to be sad after placing so much of yourself into the little boy, but you must find other avenues
in life to help you adjust to your lost. Try to start to develope new intrest, or volunteer for other activites, such as school or church,or you could offer to record tapes for the blind, or any
community service. You would be helping others, and at the same time working your way through your pain.

You might make new and lasting friendships and perhaps meet someone special to care for again in a romantic relationship. Good luck and take care.

Answer 4

Wow! My condolences on the passing of your girlfriend. Yes, what you are feeling now is normal. This is another big change in your life. Another loss. Will they be moving so far away you won't be able to drive and visit them occasionally? If they will be close enough, maybe you could visit them once or twice month. At least you could write letters back and forth, or if you both have a computer, e-mail each other. It is not bizzare for you to have gotten so attached emotionally to this young one. I'm truly glad you have been there for him as you have been. That is awesome! Healing? If there is a place in your area you could take a grief/loss class, that could help. Or, volunteer for an organization in your area. Or both. You already have been volunteering at the boy scouts, maybe continue with that, and maybe something else. Maybe volunteer to help the elderly with their yard work, projects in their homes, etc. Please check with the senior center in your area for this. I truly wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 5

I think what you did is you transferred your
feelings to this child to make up and heal concerning your girlfriend. You need to truly heal from your feelings and begin again. It might hurt more now that this boy is going but it will give you a chance to grieve and its natural to grieve (going through the stages: anger denial guilt acceptance) you have to find your way through this, you seem like a very sensitive person, this was a very nice caring act you provided for this grandmother but now its time to accept that its over and time to start your life again fully accepting that life is change and with it comes pain sometimes.Good luck, it seems you have alot to offer another girl friend.

Answer 6

I think this is VERY normal! You loved your girlfriend very much and she left you when passed away. Those feelings of emptiness and sadness are very normal feelings of grief.
It sounds like you love this boy (in a very normal fatherly/ big brotherly way). It`s not suprising that you have feelings of loss and grief at the thought of him moving away.

I would guess that you haven`t really grieved the loss of your girlfriend, and that all your emotions are tied up together.
I think this will make this separation even harder.

You can`t make those feelings go away....they are a normal part of grief. I think you have been trying to push the feelings away...but now they are coming back. I would really advise you to see a counselor, one that specialises in grief. You need to work through the grief you feel.

I wish you peace on your difficult journey.

Answer 7

There is nothing more normal than loving and caring and seeking to be a part of another's life.. There is also no good answer to your dilemma except following your friend and his grandmother to their next destination.
They are in fact your family, whether that seems reasonable or not..
Ask the Grandmother what she thinks you should do? Include her in your decision. What other option can you see?

Answer 8

I believe that he filled up that void in your life after the unfortunate accident to take her place in a way. I think it is normal to feel this way and maybe you need to focus on yourself a little. I dont know if you are religious or not but praying helps to heal. I am so sorry for your loss. May God be with you!

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear about your loss...Since your good friends are moving away & you wont be able to see them as much. Why don't you become a part time day care helper, or some other job that includes being involved with people & helping children. That or it may not have to include children, you can get a dog or go to social functions & meet someone new...Just try thinking of a way to get close to someone who's close by....Someone you can spend time with & just...well live....I'm not sure if your ready to move on, but who know's maybe it'll be good for you to pick up dating again? Just a suggestion....Again I have great sympathy for your loss...

Take care
& God bless

Answer 10

I think you did the right thing...you still have alot of love within you and you shouldn't keep that within you...you've made a huge difference in his life and he has helped you get thru a very difficult time by channeling that need ... just because he is moving on, we all do...don't stop now..you are needed by some many others and believe it or not...you need them...it will ultimately be your reward for helping others you are helping yourself ....keep up the good work...good luck.