How do you truly get over your spouse cheating?

Question

People who have never been in this situation always say leave him but when you truly love someone its not that easy. I do believe he is sorry for what he did and our therapist said you have to forgive him for the hurt he caused you which I can do...I just can't seem to be able to trust or get over this emence anger I feel towards her(I have worked thru alot of the anger towards him)...She went out of her way to pick up a married man while his wife is out of town working...and she herself is a married woman with 2 kids..Also should I tell her spouse..I'm nosy and now I know all about her(alot of detective work)...Doesn't her spouse have a right to know that she may bring something home(std)????

Answer 1

It takes a lot of patience and self thought to get you through it. Of course you are going to have anger towards her and when it happened to me i made damn sure that she knew how i felt and i felt so much better when i got it off my chest. If she had a partner i would definitely liked to have told him and don't you think he has a right to know that she was cheating on him with your hubby? Damn straight he deserves to know. Why should she get out of this situation scott free, she shouldn't she should pay for ruining 2 families hers and yours. I think you should spill the beans and make her pay for being a whore. Good luck and it will take time to repair your relationship fully with your hubby.

Answer 2

Trust takes time to regain. But, the bigger question is what lead him into another woman's arms? Usually it's an unfulfilling home life. Sometimes, it's a prelude of more to come. It can be a big rush to be with someone outside your marriage. The fear of being caught. I had a 2 year affair with a married woman, we never got caught. But, there was no way my wife could have ever measured up. Both of us were unhappy in our marriages and we both eventually got divorced. So, I know from my own experience if I had been caught it would not have stopped me from trying again. I just would have been alot more cautious.
As far as you telling her spouse , that seems pretty petty. Why would you want to ruin someone else's marriage, hasn't that affair done enough damage? The guilt does take it's toll, and you do end up with alot of regrets. As I'm sure your husband has. Either leave him , or live with the knowledge that it could happen again ,unless the two of you get to the root of why it happened in the first place. Meaning what is wrong with your marriage?

Answer 3

There's no way that you can have that trust towards you husband even though that he ask you for forgiveness and you did. Knowing what he did in bed with her and her taking the advantage of your husband will be impossible to forget. They both committed adultery which against thru god, but they never thought of that while they were having fun. It will be your rights to inform her husband for what she did, she just cant do what she did and get away with it after ruining two lives.
Your therapist will say what he/she thinks of the circumstances, forgive and move on,but does that therapist been in your shoes where the spouse had the affair?/.no he or she's not that's the reason its easy for that councilor to say forgive. They get paid for doing their job and the only way the councilor can understand your situation is if he or she's been there before.
Do what must be done and its you that will live with it, just do the right thing for your own sake. you didn't deserve this betrayal. Just be more aware for your own good..............be safe!!

Answer 4

Great question and my best answer to you is if your sessions with your therapist have been productive then continue to follow his guidance. That said, the trust thing always seems to linger longer than the whole forgiveness thing and the remorse thing for the offending party. The best thing I can offer you is the two of you work out a close, close strategy where he basically calls you and stays in contact with you enough that it would reduce your level of anxiety about whether he could possibly be cheating again. See if I had your husband here I would tell him that he needs to call you at work a couple of times a day......not to make the call look as if he is checking in but to make a connection with his wife. In other words he would call and ask you for instance how your day was going...maybe exchange a few things happening in your professional lives and maybe talk of plans for the evening or even some lite flirting and such. By doing this, it subliminally says to you that hey.....I love you, so I was calling to see how you are doing...but it also gives you, the wife, a certain creature comfort level of knowing he is not cheating......he is calling me and caring for me by virtue of the phone call. So in a nut shell, I am suggesting that when the two of you are not together, that you make use of staying in touch with one another alot. Once again, I am not talking about having him call with the shroud of making it seem like he is checking in with you......that would demean his dignity..... but in essence it would begin to establish a line of communication with one another that would enrich your relationship and the side benefit would be that you would, in fact, know that he is more than likely not cheating. I hope this makes sense to you and I do wish you well.

Answer 5

I'm the sort of person, I can't forgive cheating. It's more than the physical act of sex, it's the lies and emotional investment in someone else that I can't handle.

But if I was to forgive... I would keep in mind that people make mistakes, and some people learn from them and never make them again. I guess it depends how remorseful he is and whether you think he'll do it again. I would also make it blatantly clear to him that this is not a "get of out jail free pass'. You may forgive him enough to not end the relationship but he's obviously got alot of making up to do. There shouldn't be any unexplained absences, strange excuses or funny gut feelings he's playing up again, or you need to tell him his butt will hit the road so fast he'll get skid marks!!

Oh and tell her husband, not only will it ensure she'll keep away, it will be some good ol' fashioned pay back!

Answer 6

You will only cause yourself more heartache by telling her spouse about her . Either he already knows and is burying his head in the sand, or she will be caught. As far as forgiving your cheating husband, not only is it the right thing to do, but it relieves you of the burden of anger. You're obsessed with his cheating partner and want revenge. However your anger towards her is only hurting you. She is going on with her life and I'm sure not giving you a second thought. She's not worthy of your pain. My suggestion would be for you to write her the nastiest letter you can conceive of , but DON'T SEND IT . Take it outside to a grill and set it on fire so you KNOW it won't end up in anyone's possession. Watch the smoke disappear and and feel the anger go with it. Sometimes just releasing the negative feelings is enough to dispel them.

Answer 7

For me, it would take a very long time for me to forgive, but I could not forget someone who cheated on me. It's the one thing that I cannot live with no matter how much I love the person. I believe I can still love someone without being with them if they have hurt me so much and caused me such pain. The trust could never be regained from my point of view. It will never be the same. A friend of mine was cheated on once by her husband. It took a long time for him to get her back, but she forgave him and they stayed together. Well, a few years later, he did it again! I wouldn't give someone a second chance to hurt me again! Once was enough!

Answer 8

You have not forgiven any part of what he did and it shows in the anger of your words.Why are you blaming her for all this? He cheated on you.Her life is not your business and your husband was as equally guilty so punish him.You need to realize that HE was the one who cheated and broke the trust and put you at risk for disease and a broken heart. He will do it again and probably has in the past.Once a cheater always a cheater.Where is your self respect? You say you truly love him so its not easy to leave--he doesn't truly love you and are you willing to live in this type of sick relationship?He will do it again! Worry about what his **** is bringing home not what the tramps man will get!

Answer 9

I know it is difficult. At the end of the day it is your choice to stay or to leave him.

Take one day at a time and try a little to forgive. Slowly but surely it will come.

Revenge will make you feel happy only temporarily. Put that thought on hold for a while. Work on your won issues. Later if that women tries same things with others, then you might do her husband a favor.

Answer 10

I think her spouse has the right to know what type of woman he has in his bed. You found out about him but would you want someone to tell you the same thing? It will be hard to trust him again it just depends on how much you love him. You only live once so would you like to live your life wondering if someone is faithful to you or not? Be happy in your life and work hard for that happiness and let that be the motivation in your life......