WHAT SHOULD I DO? Please Help!!!?

Question

My niece has a boyfriend, this is her first one, but she also repeated 8th grade, her messenger picture is Him and Her kissing and in the picture he is not wearing a shirt, and it looks awful, I know they were at the beach, but she is only 14 years old, and I am afraid she is been the clown among her friends, I know they are not going to give her good advices, because she is so pretty and smart, she usually inspires envy.

Can she become an exhibicionist because of her repeating 8th grade and tryng to get attention from friends.

Another thing... My brother and her wife have seen this pictures, but trying not to scare her, they are acting like if this is nothing....in some way it is not, but I want to talk to her and tell her about what is a relationship, and that she should keep it to herself, love is something beautiful and private...PLEASE GOOD ADVICES AND SERIOUS PEOPLE...

Answer 1

please help, i understand your concern .repeating the eight is not a big problem as long as she finish ,i would be concerned if the boy is older than her by two years now days it is so hard to give the right advice to teenagers, i think if you can get together you ,you are a great aunt to want to talk to her in a neutral zone , don't do it at the brothers home or your home i,would go some were to eat ,or park,remember not to say ( you ) stick to the point of positive when conversing with her, remember to say ( we ) or ( i ) i don't think she will become an exhibitionist by repeating eighth grade, now friends are a different story look at the type of people she hangs around, i think it is a great idea of you to give her advice,the way you put this question and asking advice , speak to her you sound like you can help a great deal it would have been a good thing when i was young, tell her the positive things you mentioned , don't talk down to her , talk to her as you would a friend and adult, its a good thing for both of you to bond, give it your best,

Answer 2

Staying back a year is not an impetus to cause her to do what she is doing---and reacting to the pictures should be nothing more than an invitation to have that talk with her. All kids need that talk eventually---I would guess there are a lot that don't get the benefit of a concerned family. She is your niece--not your daughter--a talk is a touchy subject---her mom and dad should have the talk---unless they agree to LET YOU DO IT. The sites are a haven for kids to push the envelop of good taste---it can and does open a person to judgement when photos can be misinterpreted. So relaying info on how a mature young lady should be acting or not acting, is in line with what you asked. Do not be pointing out each and every little detail, here. You want to erase the board and start over--especially with how a young lady should have dignity and self respect for herself. Not doing what everyone else is doing shows individuality and good sense. She needs to understand the importance of asking what good comes from what she is considering doing next. She may not see the problems--especially when TV shows are so forward and revealing---almost telling the kids it is OK to do all this stuff. We were all kids and we all did crazy things--we came through OK--and millions of kids do alright--but millions do make mistakes and that is where the line is drawn--when they don't make proper choices, someone has to step in. The parents are PARENTS--be parents and take control---you are parents--not friends. When she is old enough and mature enough--she can make her own decisions--but until then, you will have to set standards and expect her to abide by them. Kids like limits--that's a fact--so give her the rules and make it clear what is expected of her. If she rebels, she has to pay the price---if she honors all the rules--she is a stable mature girl. So be nice, smile and good luck

Answer 3

Your question is difficult to understand but I will try to give you an answer. Yes,14 is too young to date and be in a sexual relationship so you could try talking to her but I don't know if that would help. You can also make sure she is on birth control if she is going to have sex and make sure to tell her about safe sex.I don't think she would become an exhibisionist from repeating the 8th grade,she probably is getting wild from having a boyfriend. So do what you can but the bottom line is that her parents will have to deal with her so you are limited on what you can do about it. Good luck.

Answer 4

I have a niece who is 14 yrs. old, and she has a boyfriend. They have taken the "golden vow" that they will not have premarital sex. They sometimes kiss or hug, that's okay. She (your neice) is a teenager, and it is normal and okay for a boy to go without a shirt, especially if at the beach, or if it is hot outside. No, your neice will not become an exhibitionist. She is a teenage girl. In a computer age. This is normal. She is okay, and her parents are I'm sure, doing a good job raising her. Besides, your brother is a man, he knows how guys think, he was 14 once himself. I am sure that he probably has met this boy, and talked with him enough to know what is going on. Please, leave this up to her parents. I am sure they are doing a good job. Please try not to worry. Take care.

Answer 5

Id honestly say butt out... not to be rude but she is your niece not your daughter and unless your her guardian, which you mentioned the parents are in the picture, than you just have to let the road follow its own path

A tough one to stay the least but you can only be an aunt and talk to your brother and sister in law... for it seems as if you don't really trust thier judgement as well as your nieces.

Answer 6

Boy....14 years old, all hell breaks loose, I was your niece ten years ago, my brother gave me a black eye trying to scare my much older boyfriend (ten years), my mom pulled me out of the schools dance team, and they watched everymove I made, I felt asphixiated and attempted to run off with him. Looking back I wish they would've just trusted me, I knew all about safe sex, pregnancies and std's, and I knew about LOVE, I wanted my first time to be special and I wanted to wait, but they were too scared to let me be. My point is, all you can do is give her the knowledge she needs and BE her best friend, if you don't overreact and she grows to trust you, you can be that good friend that gives her good advise, and she will listen, treat her like an adult and she will act like one. Hopefully, good luck

Answer 7

This is good advice(but that's my opinion--u may not like what you're fixing to read)...First and Most Important: this is not your daughter...I realize she is your niece and u care very much 4 her...and obviously her parents(your bro and sisnlaw)are not being the role models in this very important situation. Think about it though...Do you have children? Would u want someone else speaking w/ your child about something so personal? It is your(&childs father's) responsibility/right to speak w/ your child about this very important life change and noone elses. I would personally suggest oral contraceptives, depo provera, etc Good Luck!

Answer 8

At that age, you can only make suggestions. Did you listen at 14? It is the age of exploring and puburty. She is going to do what she wants to do and find out for herself. You can guide her and let her know what to watch out for, but she will have to learn on her own, as we all did. Just be there to catch her when she falls and try not to do the "I told you so's." Don't take on the adult role for her, unless you yourself are fully prepared to be one.

Answer 9

give her space, its' her business, tell her if she needs advice come that she can come to you, your being biased and old-fashion. She's a teenager, She's learning, u can give her advice from expirience, but if your going to try to control everything she does, she'll be even more "out-going" than she was, her parents are doing the right thing by not giving it attention. You have to let kids make mistakes sometimes.

Answer 10

this is where it goes all heltr scelter.......why dont you go and speak up to hewr...this is bad...at such a young age of 14....she shouldnt be allowed to be with a guy in a relationship....
and as fas as the exhibitionist hting remain...just speak up to her....about this and
thats all.....
one more thing...dont get angry on her while speaking...just expain how the image of her well built personality will get damaged if she keeps on doing these things...
tell her that she will also ruin her family relationship if something goes wrong!