I don't need to speak out to be heard
My silence is golden
When talk is cheap
And your words don't mean anything
2007-03-26 17:52:52 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Poems don't need to rhyme to sound good, and if your not going to be polite about your answer please don't respond.
2007-03-26 17:58:18 · update #1
If you think it would make a good beginning to a poem then it will. Ignore the people who suggest you need to rhyme. As you no doubt know, they are just fools of convention. Who says we need to rhyme? Have they ever heard of modernism? TS Eliot's 'The Wasteland'?
I like your opening. It reminds me of the feminist quality of silence. Like Cordelia in King Lear, or that artist in To the Lighthouse, you withhold information (or at least your narrative voice does), and silence is your strength. Its very very reminiscient of King Lear.
But then again, decide yourself. We are always alot harsher on ourselves than anyone else. And only you know what you truly want to express...
2007-03-26 18:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by Wumpus 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't have a problem with not rhyming. I do have a problem with the politics of this poem.
Poetry is the art of saying the unsayable. The only sin in a poem is silence.
Silence is not golden in poetry and words DO mean something very important. They are the heart and the blood of poetry.
Polite has nothing to do with poetry either. If you want polite, read a Hallmark card or a mission statement for a corporation.
2007-03-31 00:52:02 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds good, however try not to use common phrases too often, otherwise the meaning behind the poem becomes hidden.
I like how you said that your silence is worth so much more than the person who speaks way to much, and that is so true. I found out by experiance. And how you express that by useing so few words is good as well.
Keep on writing. I would really like to see the rest.
Good luck with your work.
God bless you
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!
K.K.
2007-03-27 01:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by Kurious_Kat 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, it would. The middle 2 lines are cliches, but I think it would make a good poem depending on how you're going with it.
(Oh, and PS, anytime you ask for critiques of your writing, or even just opinions, be prepared to face 'the nasties'.)
2007-03-27 01:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by GeekGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't have to rime, but it could use a tempo, a balance of rhythm. It's good anyway, just it could get improved by what i mentioned above. it's simple and real, with no big, extravagant words. Lean and beautiful. Let us know when you have the rest of it. or a new part.
2007-03-27 01:21:05 · answer #5 · answered by helena_m_p 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe it would sound better if you try to rhyme it just a little bit
2007-03-27 00:56:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be a great start, depending on the rest. I like where you're going. I'd kind of like to hear it when it's finished if it wouldn't be to much of a problem. email -- surfinsquirrel89@verizon.net
2007-03-27 01:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by DREADS 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO!
2007-03-27 00:56:49 · answer #8 · answered by tenacious 1 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋