What is a polite, nonoffensive way of asking a transgendered woman if she was a man?

Question

My church is Unitarian Universalist. We accept anyone with out judgment as to their past life styles. I would love to talk to a lady who has very masculine looks and seems transgendered about how she made the descision to become a woman and all the problems involved. But I don't know how to ask it. Suggestions?

Answer 1

For context, I'm a transsexual woman and a Unitarian Universalist myself, and the acceptance for all people that the UUA exhibits, as you describe above, is one of the reasons I chose that as my place to develop my spirit.

The answer, as given above, is that there isn't a good way to ask this in a casual conversation. I personally wouldn't mind if someone at the fellowship asked, but some women, transgendered and cisgendered both would be very hurt by such a question. Being "clocked" (recognized as transsexual) is something that many transwomen find very anxiety inducing.

I obviously can't answer for the woman at your fellowship, but I can answer for myself. I never chose to become a woman. I was already a woman, I was born this way. I've felt this way since the time I understood the difference between boys and girls. I was never a man; I was a woman who was assigned the wrong gender at birth because people in our culture assume that physical sex and gender are the same thing.

I chose to stop living the lie that I was a man, or had ever been a man, and start living life as myself, do what was necessary to become physically and socially the person I'd always been inside.

Answer 2

Dear Abby once said that there are two questions you should never ask a lady: How old are you? and How much do you weigh? In the same light, there are two questions you should never ask a transgendered person: Are you transgendered? and Have you had the surgery?

Answer 3

ooh you know a transgender ooh hook me up is she cute?? Seriously check for an adam apple. Than just watch the way she holds her pink when drinking. Or the best way accidently bum into her front side. Naw all of those probably suck castle was right u will just have to ask if u offend her tell her u were asking because a friend(me) was really hopping she was so we could hook up.

Answer 4

As you probable already understand, maximum of them do no longer love transgendered women human beings in any respect. surely, maximum rapidly men gets fairly violent in direction of them in the event that they see one(as rapidly men are many times fairly aggressive and violent by using fact of being brainwashed via archaic and ridiculous social and gender constructs. Many are additionally on testosterone overload). although, as for those that do love them, that is by using fact they love the unique traits that incorporate being a transgender. that is diverse and that they probable additionally understand that a transgendered woman could do each little thing they might to cause them to chuffed, as that is not any longer hassle-free for them to discover dependable men.

Answer 5

you don't! they strive hard to look like women! If you call her out, she'll take it as she failed and that everyone knows and is judging her, talking about her and is laughing at her attempt. It will most likely hurt her to ask her about it. Wait until she is ready to talk about it. And hey, what if that is just an ugly manly chick? that would be real insulting, but I'm sure it would be hysterical when you told you're friends the story!

Answer 6

Hi, I'm Mary. My passion is canes. {short decription of why} {I assume "Cane Artist" is passionate about canes.} Tell me a little about yourself.

If she mentions she used to be a man, (IF AND ONLY IF)
"You know, if you had sailed around the world or gone hot-air ballooning in Kenya or served in the infantry during Viet Nam or given birth to triplets, I'd want to ask you, 'What was it like?'; I want to ask you about changing from male to female, but I don't want to pry."

Answer 7

I agree with Kate. many of us are more easy-going about it and wouldn't take offense or anything, but for some they might take offense or be hurt by being discovered. There's plenty of us on here though if you have questions though. Ask away!

Answer 8

The best way is to not ask at all. Trust me on this one. Just start talking to her. If you two hit it off she will tell you.

Answer 9

Wait and let her tell you about it. There is no good way for you to initiate such a topic even though your intentions are honourable.

Answer 10

Castle is right because what if she isn't then you would have insulted her by mistake. But if you'd like advice that's rough because if she is, she could help you