Can i ask for a psycological evaluation for my wife when her father molested her and then she married one?

Question

My wife was molested by her father when she was young and then she married one who molested her daughter from her first marriage. I am her fourth husband and she wants a divorce because of me drinking and i have quit drinking and am wanting counseling for both of us to save our marriage for us and our 23 month old son? What can i do? I think she carried alot of these traumas over into our marriage.

Answer 1

Start off by wooing her again. Take her flowers. Have you talked to her about getting counseling? You should suggest that you BOTH go. If the counselor thinks she needs to be seen alone he/she will let her know. Don't try to ram your opinions and psych exam down her throat, it will only alienate her.

Answer 2

Sure you can ask for that psychological evaluation honey, in fact you can ask for anything you'd like....just keep in mind that it doesn't always mean you are going to get it. Truth be told, you'd probably get a swift kick in the tush. A woman of her background already knows she has issues. Bringing them to light in such a negative way is only going to put her on the defensive side. With four marriages, it's apparent that she is running and trying to hide from all of that. I'll give you kudos for trying to make this work, however, I just sincerely hope that you have the best of intentions at heart and have the strength to see this through. Getting her into counseling is going to be like Pandora's box. You don't know what's in there, but you can bet you probably aren't going to like it hon, and you have to be ready to really deal with that. If you can do that, then I suggest this. Put the baby to bed and have a heart to heart. No alcohol, no yelling....just two grown adults having a conversation. Tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that you are the real deal and that no matter what the two of you will endure, you are always going to be there. Tell her that you are worried she's using her past to run again. Tell her that she can't keep running from this and you want to help by doing your part to work through whatever issues the two of you have. And after that's out, the conversation will probably take off by itself. That's a mouthful; but it's honest, it comes from the heart and she'll see that you are sincere. After that, it may be easier to get the two of you into counseling, if you suggest it. And when a professional is involved, it may be the window of opportunity she needs to let it out and deal with her demons and move on to a brighter future.

I'm sure you didn't envision marriage to be like this, but keep in mind, her marriages and divorces are used as a defense mechanism. When things are okay and she trusts that her secret is hidden, she gets close to someone and she marries. When they get too close or know too much, she's ready to high tail it out of there by wanting a divorce. In a way, it's her tool for coping and keeping some sort of balance in her life. That stems from being molested honey. It's not something she wants to do, it is something she has to do or she'll fall off the deepend.

I wish you the best of luck, the patience of a saint and the grace of God.....you are going to need it.

Answer 3

OK, let's review. Your wife has been divorced 4 times, she has been molested, has not gotten any help, her daughter has been molested by her 1st husband, obviously she did not press charges or anything and she wants to divorce you but you want to be apart of this phucked up relationship and characterless woman?
You know what... you guys sound like a match made in heaven. Go for it dude. Wait a minute one last thing... why in the hell did you quit drinking???
If you listen to all these divorced and naive people on Y/A telling you to stay with this woman or go to counseling with her, you will have a pistol in your mouth within a year. Counseling is farrr farrr from any gaurantee that things will get better. She needs extensive psychiatric therapy this does not even begin to address the marriage counseling you both need.
Good Luck, have a drink on me!

Answer 4

Yeah she needs some help and here is why. This may sound weird, but it is based on pretty sound research and if you think about it it kinda makes sense. These people such as your wife, tend to continue a cycle and the odd thing is, its because in its own perverse way, it is what they know and are comfortable with. I know that sounds strange but part of it is they never got the kind of help that allows them to understand there is really other life options out there. So they continue the cycle of abuse because its all they know. Counseling helps break that cycle but many times it requires another person to help initiate that, such as yourself. If she doesn't get help she is more likely to continue to marry the wrong kind of guys but even worse she will continue the cycle through her child as the years go on and then the child is likely to carry on that same cycle of abuse into still another generation. So yes...get her help...it won't be an easy road but hang with it and hopefully a brighter future will lay ahead for all of you.....Good Luck!

Answer 5

Counseling is always a good option. I've been through a lot and the way I look at it is: either you are a victim or a survivor and it seems like your wife wants to get through all her past problems. Victims live their lives blaming everyone for their problems and survivors have the set of mind that if it happened to me I its not gonna happen again. I say, be patient and supportive. She will appreciative and considerate to your opinion.

Answer 6

You can only suggest that the two of you go to counseling together, and maybe the counselor will suggest individual counseling for her. That may not save your marriage, but it may help her if she is having problems. You can't force a psych evaluation on her.

Answer 7

Its going to take your wife to be strong enough to face her fears and issues that has caused her to have a really devastating life with four marriages without being able to reach a happy state. If she can't see this for herself, then she's not going to be any good for anyone, especially her kids who she's responsible for until their completion of high school. So, maybe she's willing to do something for them, if she don't see it being for you at this point, as long as she gets help.

Answer 8

Yes in this case i feel you should ask for one to be done for your wife. She needs help and therapy for how she is feelling and you both need to start seeing a marriage counseling if there is any hope left for this marriage at all. Yes she did carry alot of baggage to the marriage BUT you need to love and accept her where she is at and try to help her as well. Good luck to you and i hope that this marriage will be better soon.

Answer 9

the answer above me is a kind of blind faith guy. if one is human first then must treat other person a human also. if the women are human in this religion then why not they have the right to do any thing they love to feel free in the human society. on 11th of may this year (just last week) there are women who were not allowed to vote in Pakistan .there are women only who can not be the leader of Iran . I just want to ask if THE MEN CAN HAVE THE BABY WITHOUT ANY WOMEN? they are 50%of the world,s population. why do not get the right freedom. it is stupid to go with this type of religions and the male dominated societies. so.my answer to your question is.....there should be MODIFICATION in this type of religions.i knew Muslims in thousands who got 2 to 3 wives in India and Pakistan and also in Muslim countries because my job was to go place to place from India in different countries for the type of work i was doing. so i have many friends Muslims in different parts of the world. BUT the majority of them they are forced to in this religion by their MULLAH OR SHARIA OR RULE OF THE RELIGION. SORRY truth is always truth. yes Islam is a 100% male dominated RELIGION women are just slave to the men. thanks.

Answer 10

Don't push her. Try to talk to her. Take her on a date. Buy her some flowers. Do something nice for her everyday.