How do I hate you?
I hate you more than words can say
My anger grows day by day
The way you're folded in his arms
And look as if there's no alarm
I'd like to take a rusted knife
And cut you out of my life
But in my heart your memory stays
No matter what you won't go away
2007-03-26 16:35:13 · 16 answers · asked by Mr. Nobody 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Its a very Strong short poem with a lot of emotions....I really like it... i think that everyone has felt that way before....
2007-03-26 16:41:24 · answer #1 · answered by China19 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You aren't a Vogon, are you?
Although I think you've nailed the concept of Angst, your poem could use a little work.
First of all, try getting more creative with your rythym. You can mix it up from line to line as well, in order to make it...interesting. Also, If your meter is going to be off, make it consistent.
Secondly, change your rhyme scheme to one that...isn't so simplistic. It will also force you to actually use a more extensive vocabulary.
The theme works, but now you need to make it work for you. Take these concepts which are about as blunt as a sledgehammer and try using description to build emotional context. Hate can be described more fully than "I hate you." Instead, give us a background. Don't tell us you hate this person, but make us hate them.
2007-03-27 00:10:35 · answer #2 · answered by Gregory K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's not exactly the most charming little ditty I ever perused. Content aside, the meter is off. I'd like to take a rusted knife, and cut you ____ out of my life - you're missing a syllable or two there. Same with the first two lines, the second line's meter is off. But it's a nice effort. Methinks someone has dumped on you. My condolences.
2007-03-26 23:40:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok.
I would give it 3 stars out of 4.
You have to put a little more emotions into it; describing how much pain and sorrow you feel.
I don't really like "And look as if there's no alarm"
It doesn't make sense.
2007-03-26 23:39:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Like you were jilted. The usual teen angst. Forget all the hatred. It will only drain you emotionally. Move on.
2007-03-27 00:12:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
goes a little south after second line, but picks up nice agian there a line or two b4 the end
2007-03-26 23:39:34 · answer #6 · answered by zoot 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmm, about an ex-girlfriend?
its a decent hate-filled poem.
2007-03-26 23:38:31 · answer #7 · answered by Ziggy Stardust 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I thought of was oh Jesus! Please tell me no one has that much control over you. Hate takes so much negative energy. Be well
2007-03-26 23:40:45 · answer #8 · answered by Monica 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice poem
2007-03-27 09:23:20 · answer #9 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it post it on www.ghettosoul.com.
2007-03-26 23:38:11 · answer #10 · answered by Portia P 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋