why doesn't my wife leave me I am so confused?

Question

I have been married for more than 20 years. I don’t believe in divorce and my mother was in a bad marriage and didn’t leave. My mother told me she didn’t leave my father, because her dad died when she was 7 and she didn’t want us to be without a father. My mother’s experience in losing her father caused her to hold onto my father for 35 years. He was a liar, and he always left for hours saying “Ill be back in 30 minutes.” She would stay in her room and worried about where he was. As a young child I never felt I fully understood exactly how she felt so one day I prayed and asked god to show me how my mother feels? Then I met a beautiful Philippine girl while I was in the Air force. She was a run-away girl and I reconciled her with her family. After that we started dating and I was so attracted by her beauty. Everything was fine until an old boyfriend showed up when we were together. She ran over to him and asked “where have you been?” I look at him and said she’s pregnant? He got mad and we started to fight when she broke it up. I broke up with her to give her time to sort out who she wanted to be with. She chose me. I soon learned that she had a violent temper and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle it so I broke up with her. One day later she told me that according to Philippine culture I have to marry her because she is pregnant so I married her. It has been over 25 years she has left me 25 times and has always come back. We fight constantly in front of the children she always says “I can get anyone I want because of my looks, you’re getting old, and I still look good” She’s 42 years old and still beautiful. I always tell her “if you can get anyone you want, please do?” She always insults me millions of times. I fully understand my mother feelings and I am ready to be free of her, but I want her to leave me. I don’t want to be the one who leaves her. Why doesn’t she leave me? If she is so great and can get anyone she likes, why doesn’t she?

Answer 1

You should not remain in this marriage.
She is obviously trying to control you by saying she canl eave but stays or comes back. If you're such a horrible man, let her go find someone else. She is doing nobody any favours.
As for the children, ask for custody or something! She is obviously trying to ruin all of your lives and doesn't care about anybody but herself juding by the way she talks to you ("I am beautiful, you are old...").
Please, cut your losses. You still have plenty of life ahead of you to live. Don't remain unhappy because an unhappy life is not worth living. You can do way better.
You leave her, don't wait around.
Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Sounds like you left each other 20+ years ago, and to top it off you brought children into it. You know, there's no prize for who stays the longest and who endures more pain; just what message are you giving your children? Couples are supposed to inflict pain and humiliate each other? You aren't supposed to have any self esteem and stop the other person's attack? What, you decided to make an occupation of being a victim? Are you kidding? With all the information and help out there and you continue in this madness?

Your children are the ones who need the help at this point, you and your wife have selfishly, stubbornly held on because you didn't want to lose the game and the ones who lost are your kids. You should be ashamed using all the excuses, dumping all on your wife, you do have a spine don't you? You do have a good mind don't you? God didn't put you in this world to be a doormat did He? Well?

Get yourself to a counselor or someone who can step by step help you two unravel this mess, even if one doesn't go, someone has to take the first step, otherwise, what a waste of a lifetime. It is absurd at this age to be talking like a 16 year old, "still has looks and can get anyone she wants"....come on. Time to grow up.

Answer 3

Sounds like she has Borderline Personality Disorder (mixed with some Narcissistic Personality Disorder). Check out some information here and also read the book 'Stop Walking On Eggshells'. http://www.bpdcentral.com/index.php One of the major characteristics, along with being afraid of abandonment is the temper thing and constant leaving and returning.

This is a very difficult relationship to handle and if you want some help, you should educate yourself as much as you can on the subject. She probably won't leave for good and would be devastated if you left her. You'd be the one who has to do it, but if you decide not to, at least you'll have armed yourself on how to deal with her. The rollercoaster ride gets pretty tiring after a while. You've done well to be able to handle it, but wouldn't it be nice to have a healthy realtionship?

Answer 4

I believe the reason why she doesn't leave you is because of the comfort zone she is in. Let's face it, your wife can insult you, use you for your money, and still have a roof over her head; wow, she's got a great deal. I honestly think she needs a reality check and needs to face some hardships. The only way she will ever experience that is if you dump her. I understand you have family values and look at your mother as a role model, but just because your mom lived a certain way, doesn't mean that is the ideal way. Overall, I really think you should leave her, and have her experience life without the comfort zone she is in.

Answer 5

She doesn't leave you cause' she knows ur a sure thing. Think about it, she treats u horrible, she takes u for granted, she tries lowering ur self-esteem and u still stay with her. She knows that no matter what she does you will never leave her, that's why she acts like that. My ex-boyfriend was the same way with me until one day I finally left him, he told me in my face "I never thought you would leave me" and I said "Well u were wrong" Get the courage to leave her, yes you might have a child with her but u don't have to put up with emotional stress, come on she's putting u down. Don't fall into your mom's steps, my mom was the same way and I know she could have done better but she choose not to cause' she didn't want us to b w/out a dad too but u know what, she tells us not to repeat her steps, Don't let her take u for granted, your'e worth more than that. You're first mistake was marrying her because she told u it was a custom, not because you wanted to or because you were ready. Maybe she said this to keep you, many women do that. Come on, if u have a low self-esteem you'll put up with it, but if u don't leave her, don't be prideful by saying you want her to leave you, she won't do it cause' she's not the one hurting or suffering, u are, Realize that!!Don't listen to anyone, not even you're mom, come on youre a grown man, take actions into your own hands because trust me, she's not gonna leave you cause' she's not the one taking the abuse, You are.

Answer 6

After 25 years you have to ask? I have had several buddies who married Phillipino women, both were in the Navy. (I was Marine Corp.) Temper must be part of the cultural thing, as one of my buddies had the very same problem with his wife.
The only difference was that one day she left and went back to the Phillipines and never heard from her again. Regardless of how your wife seems to leave on a yearly basis, it sounds like YOU are tired of it. One thing you haven't said, is if "you" haven't just picked up and left for awhile. Maybe what "you" need is a break from everything, while "she" has time to feel what it's like with the shoe on the other FOOT.....

Answer 7

A better question is, if neither of you is willing to leave, why not at least get some counseling so the kids can have some peace? She may stay for financial security, not to break up the family for the kids, Phillipine custom??? Doesn't matter. Get help or get out. You and she are screwing up the kids.

Answer 8

area could do you the two stable. yet she would desire to be appearing this variety because of the fact there is yet another guy in the image, the only element you're able to do at this factor is proceed showing her your a loving and supportive husband. you additionally should be truthful along with her and tell her the type you sense and tell her how substantial your marriage is you to and you desire which you the two combat for it via not doing something you the two will sense sorry approximately. provide her the area to think of and understand what her strikes can do to herself, your marriage and your babies. do not suffocate her, provide her room to think of:) stay a stable guy you're. Set a time-physique to type this venture out, do not enable it drag on too long. it may be stable to seek for counseling as nicely. Goodluck!!

Answer 9

Stop waiting for her to leave. Get a back bone and end it! You're not doing your kids any favors by staying together and fighting in front of them, not to mention tearing their worlds up each and every time she leaves.

Just do it. You won't be a terrible person for making a decision that will bring you happiness.

Answer 10

Just leave her! You must not want to be gone that bad otherwise you'd go. You are the fool in the sitaution. She left you 25 times and you took her back each time. If you ask me she shouldn't leave, not when she has a sucker for a husband!