I lived w my ex-boyfriend for over 5 yrs. I mentioned to him that I wanted to get engaged once and he almost passed out, so i never approached that subject again. I needed help and his support many times, and he turned his back on me everytime. He made me feel incompetent. He wanted to move to new england, very far from my family and bad job market for what I do, and he tried to convince me to move w him, tho he didnt try very hard.
I struggled w the idea. I realized that he didn't love me. I decided to break the relationship, since I didn't feel right making such a sacrifice in my life for a person that doesn't love me or care for me as much as I did.
Today I found out that he is a member of Eharmony. He has actually been a member since January.... only TWO WEEKS after we broke up! This is even more proof that he didn't love me.
I'm feeling betrayed, i feel unloved, i feel cheated. Why, we are not together anymore? what can i do to put this behind me and move on?
2007-03-26 16:15:39 · 14 answers · asked by Lil'me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am so sorry to hear u are having this problem. U may be feeling this way because u put a lot of time effort and strength into a long relationship and I feel like u have the right to feel the way u do. Maybe u can think of it this way. U are better off. The next woman is going to be the one who has to put up with his insensitivity and him not being supportive or there when u needed. And that now u are open and available for someone who WILL give u all of the above. I wouldnt go so far as to say the man didnt love u but it IS clear that he was selfish and u should not be in a 90/10 relationship. I admire u for looking into yourself and not putting yourself last for a man who wouldnt under any other circumstances do the same for u and that there should be enough for u to get over the ordeal. Dont feel like u wasted your time because there was a lesson to be learned in all of this and if u learned it then it was most certainly worth your time. By the way the lesson is no one deserves to be treated like their feelings are not important and that you deserve better.
Your ex must just like to say he's in a relationship and that could be the reason he's on Eharmony already. So let him go ahead and claim the next "victim" cause u already know a relationship with him is not a good one. Maybe u should go on Eharmony....the difference would be that u are actually a good catch! Good luck sweetie
2007-03-26 16:26:04 · answer #1 · answered by JAY 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First, you weren't betrayed. You were in a break up. Standard, routine heartbreak. First Time?? You'll get better at this, and more jaded. Men cannot compete with each other on all terms, all the time, and a dildo cannot mow the yard. Allow a little time to pass before the big panic sets in and you become available for another winner. Perhaps some lite reading in abnormal psychology, and perhaps pediatric psychology would acustom you to the rigors of todays hectic, loveless, ruthless, backstabbing lifestyles. As far as Eharmony is concerned, two weeks is a lifetime in Oklahoma, and you lucky he didn't pimp you out.
2007-03-26 23:48:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should look for someone else and not wait another day to do so. I just broke up with this guy that i feel in love with-but i don't intend to sit at home and cry or be sad. He was cheating as well and i found out Saturday and was going to give him another chance and he has already used it up here by Monday.
2007-03-26 23:28:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly i don't see how he betrayed you, maybe he just didn't treat you good, but he did not betray you, and he probably joined that eharmony site so quickly because he really didn't love you or care for you as he should have, but i'm sure you seen the warning signs of that coming, and if you didn't then take a lesson from that and keep your eyes open next time
maybe join eharmony
2007-03-27 00:11:37 · answer #4 · answered by zether 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to what you wrote - "he doesn't care." This is the key to moving on for you. He can't. Not for you nor anybody else. This is difficult to deal with. Believe me I know. But if you can understand he is not like everybody else. When you say he doesn't care - he REALLY doesn't care. Do not spend your time beating yourself up over the impossible. You sound like a reasonable person and one worth having a good partner. Do not dwell on him. Let yourself go. You deserve it and he does not. Someone will come along who will appreciate you.
http://www.predator-awareness.com
2007-03-27 00:36:20 · answer #5 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You feel betrayed because he moved on faster than you did. Not surprising in view of the fact that you broke it off with him because you cared more than he did. Consider yourself better off without him and move on by involving yourself in plenty of enjoyable activities that put you in contact with interesting, compatible people. Eventually he will not even be in your mind anymore as he is replaced with others. Good luck!
2007-03-26 23:22:49 · answer #6 · answered by Abigail 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. You were betrayed. You were lied to and yes, you were decieved. NOW, understand that you are not responsible for how HE chose to treat you. YOU are, however, responsible for how you deal with it. NOW go out, meet people and learn to enjoy life again. Thats how you can put this behind you. Good luck in finding a better man.
2007-03-26 23:23:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's painful when the truth is realized, but you will come out better in the long run.
Give it some time for you to heal. It's better that you found out who he really is before you wasted another day of your life with him.
2007-03-26 23:20:58 · answer #8 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there....more than feeling betrayed, you feel stupid for having put up with so much when it meant nothing to him....
Keep busy with friends and work and your home and before you know it you'll be looking back wondering why you spent one week with the joker let alone five years!
2007-03-26 23:19:27 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one of the reasons that you feel betrayed is that in a sense you betrayed yourself...you knew somewhere inside that he just wan't with you...ask yourself why you stayed...I have done the same thing to myself by the way...many of us have...I know something that though silly really helps....get a big jar and everyday put in a small pebble...you know that when the jar is full you will not hurt so horribly...you are getting better when you start to forget to pur a pebble in the jar...get a new dress...a trip to the spa..allow yourself to mourn....time heals..
2007-03-26 23:22:13 · answer #10 · answered by burgandywine 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋