I have a friend who always makes bad decisions about men. For example she has a major crush on this man who is an Alcohalic/addict she thinks he is really hot and sleeps with him every time he calls her no matter what time of night or morning. She thinks she can help him get clean and he is constantly flaking out on her using jail as an excuse...classy right. Anyway I am trying to be a friend to her and she knows how I feel about this guy. But I am so sick of hearing about the guy and the poor decisions she is making that Im kind of ignoring her now. I feel bad because I want to be there for her but all I have is negitive things to say. Let me express that I have told her many many times that I think this guy is bad news and she is going to get hurt but she says I know...but hes so hot. How can I argue with that logic??? I don't want to be a Bi##h! What would you do?
2007-03-26 15:59:44 · 10 answers · asked by Sara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
unfortunately, there are two truths that must be applied . one, your friend it is an enabler . also, her boyfriend is a drug addict. and addicts cannot be helped if they do not want help. most people who choose to recover only do so. after they have lost everything. nothing you do can help your friend or her boyfriend . chances are your friend is locked in a destructive cycle ,and only complete ruination will allow them to recognize their self destruction. your best option is to set sound boundaries and do not bend them. if you love your friend like family. Then would recommend looking up Alla-non or Nar-anon. these are places for friends and family of people affected by alcoholics and or drug addicts. these people have the experience and understanding that the average people to not have the capability up comprehending. they can give you or your friend the guidance that you desire and it costs you nothing except an hour and a half to few times a week to talk and listen to each other's experiences.
2007-03-26 17:27:32 · answer #1 · answered by krimlen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would distance myself from this friend just as you have been only more distant. You tried to make her see the error of her ways and now you feel guilty even though you are not at fault. There is nothing to be gained from a relationship with anyone who tolerates the type of person you describe. You cannot choose family but you can choose your friends and to me friends are an extension and reflection of ourselves in many ways. You maybe judged by the company you keep. Still to me that has little to do with it. I just wouldn't put up with anybody like that around me and I wouldn't wan tthem around my family or other friends either.
2007-03-26 23:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by cold_fearrrr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
awww yes, classic case of growing pains. not for you but for her, you did what you could do, its time for her to understand logic and priorities, let her follow her own path and see where it leads her, when she does her u turn, i garuantee you she wont look in her rearview mirrors and she'll be so much more appreciative of the TRUE friend that you are. you guys will be even closer after the storm.
you will also understand when and how to let go too, thats an important lesson, trust me, i know.
2007-03-26 23:06:19 · answer #3 · answered by marion r 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her u care to hear nothing more about him from her. You can't agree on this and hopefully your friend will see what he is on her own. Be there for her when she hits bottom with him andd help pull her back up. That's what a good friend would do.
2007-03-26 23:04:14 · answer #4 · answered by pooty36 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation with a friend and it destroyed our friendship. I tried so hard to get her to see him for what he was and it eventually put my life in danger. I suggest you either end your friendship or decrease the amount of time you spend with her before your life is put in danger. Good luck!
2007-03-26 23:04:55 · answer #5 · answered by Caribbean Belle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey. Youve done all you can. Your friend just needs to learn for herself the hard way and believe me, she will. You cannot save her but you can still be there for her when she falls and, unfortunatly, thats all you can do. Im sorry.
2007-03-26 23:09:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're not going to change her. You tried. She's got to learn from her own mistakes.
2007-03-26 23:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell her "damn im trying to help you out trying to keep you from getting hurt if you want to keep on and keep hurting yourself go ahead you cant say i didnt try"
2007-03-26 23:05:09 · answer #8 · answered by just an irish guy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you got to let people learn from their own mistakes.
2007-03-26 23:02:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run away!
2007-03-26 23:03:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋