Is self esteem co-dependent?

Question

And if not how can you boost your own self esteem?

Answer 1

Nice question!

The answer is basically "yes" - which is why trying to have and maintain high self-esteem is a pain in the gluteus maximus.

Self-esteem depends either on other people having a good opinion of you, or on being consistently up to some arbitrary standard in everything you do - or most usually both.

Unfortunately you can never please all of the people all of the time, not even yourself.

What you can do instead is build what Albert Ellis calls "self-appreciation".

With self appreciation you recognise that the only thing that you will ever be PERFECT at is being you. And since you will never be perfect at anything else, not even part of the time, you don't try to be.
You get realistic about your abilities, looking to do your best and improve by small steps wherever appropriate. BUT you become forgiving when things don't go to plan, and look for lessons about how to do better in future instead of beating yourself up for getting things wrong.

With other people you need to consider what would happen to YOU if you spent your whole life trying to meet other people's expectations. Hey look - no life!

It's entirely normal to want other people to think well of you, but in the final analysis the only person who will ALWAYS be you when you look in the mirror is YOU.
This doesn't mean that you should be selfish, only that keeping a good opinion of yourself is the best route to having a good opinion of other people.

Answer 2

Being co-dependent is symptomatic of a lack of self-esteem , being too needy and having someone else define who you are ,rather than you defining who you are.

You can boost your self-esteem by realizing you are indeed worthy and that you are capable of loving, having friends and family who love you back. Having a job or a family or some interest that you are passionate about is part of having healthy self-esteem.

Having healthy self -esteem means you don't look for external things, relationships, jobs, status to make you happy. Happiness comes from within not from without.

When you have positive self -esteem ,you accept yourself for who you are and what you have accomplished. You're living ' in the moment' and conscious and aware and not worrying about what you did in the past or what you'll do in the future and how people will think about you. You make good choices for yourself and don't self sabotage yourself.

When you have positive self-esteem you take responsibility for your life and live with the consequences if you screw up, rather than blame someone else.

You focus on what you need to do and then you do it. You are resillient.

You have integrity and honesty and you trust not only yourself but other people. You are happy for others' success, not looking down your nose at others or being envious or jealous or mean and petty.

With positive self -esteem you look to serve , not be served. You become involved in helping out in the community.

You have purpose in your life that is positive and empowers you. You know how to plan and reach your goals and you know how to replan if you have to and set new goals.

You don't allow anyone to treat you like a doormat, abuse you , demean you and hurt you. Nor do you do any of those things to anyone else.

You know that there is something bigger and greater than yourself in the world and you recognize and embrace that spiritual side of yourself.

That's how you get positive self-esteem.

Answer 3

change your own self esteem by learning a discipline.
yoga or aikido
go to your body and your center via meditation to
gain real confidence.
you must look inside - not get it from others.
if you are puffed up by what others say or think of you
then that is not real.
must be inside from you alone.