My friend is a good person, and she has a good heart. We made friends when I was still having self esteem problems, but I've gotten over my issues. The thing is that she is still having self esteem problems and I feel like I've outgrown her. I'd like to hang out with more stronger people.
My friend thinks she is confident, but she doesn't realize how many insecurities she has. She is constantly asking me or anyone "Are you mad at me?" even if we're not.
I notice that all she talks about is about herself, her problems, or about her friends' problems. And it seems that I've become her psychiatrist. Whether or not her boyfriend is around, she places me in the middle of their personal problems, which is really awkward.
There is a difference between confiding in your friend sometimes, vs. relying on your friend to solve most or all of your problems.
I already have an idea about what I want to do, but I'd like to get a second opinion. Thanks!
2007-03-26
15:39:47
·
12 answers
·
asked by
Sibyl
4
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Friends
And I forgot to add that she demands all of my free time.
2007-03-26
16:33:52 ·
update #1
And yes, I tried to give her the tools she needs to improve herself (books, music, magazines, etc) but she doesn't think she needs any of it, and I know she hasn't touched them.
2007-03-26
17:08:05 ·
update #2
She has been your friend when you needed one and you should be the same with her. Help her find the things that you have found to deal with her self esteem issues. You said, "she has a good heart". That is hard to find and think you should keep her as a friend along with making new friends. Why not include her with your other friends..it may help her self esteem.
2007-03-26 15:46:14
·
answer #1
·
answered by solotrovo 4
·
1⤊
0⤋
I have a friend just like her and have had to deal with the same thing. Luckily she moved far away. Don't get mo wrong. I love the girl and we have known each other since grade school. Being put in the middle of so much woe gets old really fast. Just start being really involved in a lot of different things when she calls. The last month she was here I still talked to her but when ever she started to be so melodramatic I was on my way to some kind of function and had to let her go. I would wish her the best of luck and say call me and let me know how it works out. There is no reason to be mean.
2007-03-26 15:48:44
·
answer #2
·
answered by Andrea G 2
·
0⤊
0⤋
Here's 3 answers that i have and would do.
1. Just use the front door route, tell her straightfoward and say what you feel to her, Hiding the truth and losing a friendship over something so little isn't a smart move.
2. Tell the boyfriend, maybe he can talk to her and help her out.
3. Well since you overcame the same or close to same problem she is going through. Why not help her since she was a friend to you in the times? Don't just drop her off your back like a bag.
Be there for her as she did to you.
Friendship should be something that lasts not something that someone uses until they are done with it.
2007-03-26 15:48:14
·
answer #3
·
answered by Mhernandez91 3
·
2⤊
0⤋
unfortunately, I can relate, but fortunately that means i have something of an answer for you...
The truth of the situation is that there's no way to get her to go away without being somewhat honest about the situation - you have to tell her *something* that is not a straight-up lie. You need to draw a clear boundary that, although you like her, you cannot deal with her issues and she needs to seek professional help if it's so bad that it's all she talks about.
That all being said, you can't be honest to the point of making you feel better by making her feel worse. People think it's a valid excuse for this kind of behavior if they say that they "are just being honest", but they know it's a cop-out. Honesty with other people that is hurtful to those people is far less virtuous than they think.
Another thing is this, you put yourself in the situation in which you now find yourself, so it's up to you to extricate yourself.
something you would do well to remember in the future: if you set a precedent for a type of behavior in any sort of relationship, it is nearly impossible to break that cycle later on in that relationship (and if you look closely you may find that you see the exact same behavior-sort in *all* or *most* of your relationships that have similar dynamics).
Short version: Be honest, but not so honest that it makes you feel better by hurting her; after all, you put yourself in this situation.
2007-03-26 15:46:54
·
answer #4
·
answered by Steve C 4
·
1⤊
0⤋
The first-rate option to maintain matters from clinging to you is to make use of plenty of Bounce while drying your garments within the dryer. Unfortunately, it does now not look to paintings as good with folks. There are folks in the market who seeing that they're lonely grasp to the few peers they've desperately and abuse the friendship. Some folks simply outright inform those folks to f*** off (which offers those folks some thing else to whinge approximately seeing that they can not appreciate why anybody might be so impolite). Some folks are extra touchy and do not wish to be impolite however do not know what to do both. You are the latter and so am I. My idea is to reveal your calls and answer to her voice-mails and e-mails in your possess phrases. If you decide upon to simply touch her as soon as every week, then achieve this. If you decide upon to touch her by way of email instead than by way of cell so as to hinder her rants approximately why you've got taken see you later to get again to her, then achieve this. She might get angry and laugh and scold and act sarcastic, however you have got to determine a few flooring regulations and do what is correct for you. Odds are that it's going to take every week or so, however she is going to ultimately take a trace (with might be the atypical relapse). If she can not take a trace, you then will have to surely transfer on. c00l
2016-09-05 17:16:16
·
answer #5
·
answered by domina 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
Omg ditch her! Trust me I had a clingy friend for like 8 years. She was my best friend. Her clingy-ness turned to selfishness slowly over the years until it got out of hand this year. The girl is like 20 years old and depends on everyone else for everything. HER DAD EVEN DOES HER LAUNDRY FOR HER. That is just sick. She is always calling me, wants me and our other friends to even walk her to the bathroom when everyone is out having dinner, and even gets jealous when me and our other friends give a guy more attention. My mistake was not cutting her off earlier. I did a couple of times but we always forgave her because we thought she would change. Your friend may seem like she has a good heart but beware=clingy people can get ugly when they feel unloved.
2007-03-26 15:47:44
·
answer #6
·
answered by Kitty 3
·
0⤊
1⤋
Honesty is the best policy. Sometimes you just gotta grow some brass ones!
If you tell your friend how you feel, maybe it will change the way she sees herself so that she has the realization to face her personal issues.
2007-03-26 15:43:16
·
answer #7
·
answered by Zefina 4
·
1⤊
0⤋
eesh... I dont know what to say. I've got a friend like that, but she's not good at heart, she's very rude, and has really really really pathetic double standards.... (this is not the friend in my questions, mind you this friend is horrible) I don't really feel bad about saying this, because she talks about every one and everything in a bad manner. I guess I'm just sinking to her level.
I'd like to know what you're going to do, I guess it wouldn't work for me....
I sound really horrible in this answer... Sorry about that, and good luck!
2007-03-26 15:46:02
·
answer #8
·
answered by Crappy Haircut Girl 6
·
0⤊
0⤋
Maybe you should help her become stronger the way you became stronger. Dumping her off is an easy way to get rid of her but it could have a big negative effect on her life.
2007-03-26 15:44:16
·
answer #9
·
answered by Smiles 3
·
3⤊
0⤋
oh well if you think you've done your best to repay her when you had her during your low days..then..start giving space to her..she'll notice..though you might fight first but eventually having her mad at you will help her to stand on her own.
2007-03-26 15:44:30
·
answer #10
·
answered by Khit 1
·
1⤊
0⤋