Marriage counseling-- Which is better, a psychologist or a pastor of a church?

Question

My husband and I are going to attend marriage counseling. We are both Christians and are leaning more toward going to a pastor than a psychologist, but I just wanted some other opinions on the matter. Thanks

Answer 1

PLEASE....PLEASE .......PLEASE.....talk to a psychologist.....they are educated, professionally trained and intelligent and know how to save your marriage and not put all the crap into your head about sin and how you will go to hell if you get divorced.......your marriage is your marriage and should not be left up to you not GOD and a pastor....they know nothing.....

Answer 2

I'm not sure there's a single good answer to this question - as in so many things in life, "it all depends...."

If you have a pastor you trust and feel comfortable with, that may be the best way to go, since he/she is likely to share your basic values and approach issues from a perspective you understand and accept. On the other hand, you may well find a psychologist (or clinical social worker or family therapist) who shares your values, too -- contrary to some myths, they're not all "godless secular humanists."

If there are clinical dimensions to your problems, however (e.g., depression, alcoholism, other addiction), a psychological approach (from any of the above therapist types) may be more helpful.

In general, your level of trust and comfort with the counselor -- whether pastor or clinician -- is probably the most important factor. If you try one and it isn't working, don't give up -- seek help from a different counselor.

Answer 3

I'd go with the psychologist. I appreciate your religious concerns, and you can still get some tools and support from your pastor. However, a psychologist is focused on healing people and / or relationships regardless of religious affiliation. It doesn't mean that they discount your faith, but their focus is non-denominational.

Another option would be to find a psychologist who practices from a spiritual point of view. Whatever you do, take a "hands-on" approach to counseling. Do the exercises, use the tools you're given, don't be afraid to speak up if things don't seem to be working or your not comfortable with the path your pastor or psychologist is taking. If it's not a good fit, it's OK to move on!

Answer 4

When i got grief counselling, i found it helpful to use a psychologist, although i too, am a practicing Christian. You can do both -- but remember that a pastor's focus is the religion, a pschologist's focus is working on the people in a marriage.

Personally, i think you can do both, as they do not contradict.

Answer 5

Many moons ago, when I was married to a man in the Army, we went to a military priest for counseling. My husband had been cheating on me and I was devastated.

The first thing this jerk told me was that this was an everyday occurance and I might as well accept it. It made it sound like he was justified in doing it.

Didn't take me long to find a psychologist which made him be accountable for what he did. I will never forget that.

I don't trust a minister since. Of course it was military and I it may be true it happens all the time, but it doesn't mean that wives need to act like it is nothing and excuse him for it.

Answer 6

It depends on many factors, the nature of the problems in the relationship and the pastors ability and/or willingness to counsel are a few that come to mind.

If a spouse is in clear violation of a biblical tenet, such as in an affair, a pastor may help. If a spouse has self-esteem issues, then perhaps therapy and coaching for both spouses is what is in order.

Who can really say without knowing the pastor and/or the nature of the marital issues?

Answer 7

Every couple is different and would be comfortable talking out their issues with different people. if you trust your pastor and they are familiar with marriage counseling then go to them. It might work out better if you go to someone that is a stranger to the 2 of you. If you're both going to work out your issues and stay together make sure you use a marriage based counselor. I read you're more likely to work things out if you have a marriage based counselor.

Answer 8

From personal experience... We have used both and really feel that a pastor will help far more than a psychologist. Definately with respect to your marriage.. you want someone who is lead by the Lord to help and guide you. Psychologists tend to just waste time and thus leading to more money. Pastors will pray with you (which is essential) and really take time on the issues instead of spinning you guys around and around and getting you nowhere fast.
Good Luck and God Bless!!

As a side note.... OMG!! to the person who above who basically calls a pastor an uneducated idiot who knows nothing of marriage and not to leave it up to God. ... I feel sad for you.... As a Christian, seek guidance from Christians. God was the creator of marriage - who better to guide you in that respect! Also, fyi, my pastor just completed his masters and pastors have to go through a very hard and long college process to become pastors. Psychologists and therapists tend to dive into issues that aren't issues and creat more strife. My sister and her hubby went to several Psychs over the period of about 7 yrs and as their 'last resort' saw their pastor who in about two months had stopped them from their daily fighting and on the road to what is now a 24 yr marriage. My hubby and I had close to the same issues and saw one Psych and she was delving into all this stuff that had nothing to do with our marriage so that she could 'get a good background'. That took her (@130 a session mind you) four sessions. We were fighting more - then we saw our pastor who in just a few sessions had really shed light on our situation and we began resolving instead of pointing fingers. We have been together 15yrs. A pastor isn't going to throw sin into it - you deluded person - he is only interested in saving your marriage and gee... isn't that what you are interested in if you are seeking counsel?? Then you throw God into the mix and you are assured success! A psych isn't interested in anything but your money. They have no care for you at all... If you are really having headway in a session and need an extra 20min... is the psych going to care enough to give it to you? NO... but the pastor would. Because he cares about you and not what he can get from you. Think before you speak in response to a Christians question. To not put the Lord at the forefront of your marriage is to doom it.

Also fyi - help from your pastor is free... for those of you above who are bashing pastors.. I am sorry for your negative experience that has given you such a bad outlook on Christ. He is the solution to every problem. As a Christian you should always turn to him first. I do agree though that if you are having an issue with say - child abuse or molestation or some huge mental thing that you need to overcome then a psychologist is a much better help there. They are trained in that arena... But Pastors also have to go through training specifically for lifes trials, i.e. marital problems etc.

Answer 9

My church has "actual therapist" and actual counselors that are educated and trained in counseling! ! ! What are you talking about? Just talking to the minister of a small church? The con's to that would be the minister might not be trained to counsel! ! ! Another possible con would be everyone finds out about your issues (ministers are human and gossip too)! Now for the pro's Your marriage could become wonderful! ! ! !

Answer 10

Psychologist

Answer 11

Well, seeing as you make mention of being Christians, I'm assuming that you're either more comfortable with a "man of the cloth," or you want more of a "spiritual" viewpoint about your relationship.

You would get just as good of counseling from a psychologist, and he would be just as honest and helpful as the pastor; the difference being, of course, that the psychologist isn't looking at your relationship from a religions viewpoint.

This I can tell you with all honesty: the large majority of couples with relationship problems are not suffering from any great "lack of Jesus" in their lives.

They simply lack one of the following things:

- emotional maturity
- a sense of compromise/negotiation
- a sense of sympathy and forgiveness

It's not necessary to employ religion to solve a relationship problem.