Like my poem?

Question

It's a draft so give me your thoughts.
and if u don't like anything
be specific
tell me how i can change.
your advice is welcomed.



If I only I knew why

Crimson sand makes the desert floor,
The azure sky guards on.
Purple breath envelops my lungs,
The night turns into dawn.

I hear the distant sound of life,
Right now I am alone.
This space belongs to only me,
This spot becomes my own.

I gaze at the snowy white clouds,
As unvoiced time stands still.
I lose myself in arid air,
The wind provides a chill.

My hands endure the passing gust,
My mind begins to float.
I rest among the lilac sky,
My thoughts become remote.

I smell the chalky, bitter scent,
My life stands idly by.
I depart my life and return,
If only I knew why.

Answer 1

I do like it. The only thing I question is really what the poem is about. But that is normal with poems. Is it about daydreaming? Sounds like what is experienced while hiking - being present with the natural surroundings and letting go of all the thoughts of the past and worries of the future.

You did a really good job. Most poems are a bit vague so that the reader can apply it to many different emotions.

You should try to get this published.

Answer 2

Your poem doesn't make sense. "You smell the chalky bitter scent"? What the hell!? Also, it's boring, each stanza begins with I or My with the exception of the first. You're using descriptive language however a good poem can't ONLY make sense to you (dispite what a lot of english teachers may tell you) you've got to make it less ambiguous.

Answer 3

I like it seems a bit dry in the sense that it lives the reader a bit empty but i don't know what it is.

Answer 4

Wow! Nice work! Pleasantly ambigous, creative, abstract and vivid !!!

Answer 5

Yes I like it a lot

Answer 6

I like it very much! Good work!

Answer 7

Cool! Kudos to you!

Answer 8

no