About a year ago I told my wife a wanted a divorce. She begged me to try couseling. We have been at it almost a year and although the tension is less I am still miserable and lonely. I don't even want to have sex with her. We have two children. She had said she wanted to leave me with the children in the past. She only began trying once I told her I wanted a divorce. Prior to that she said she would be ok with a divorce, that these thing happen. This was a gut wrenching decision in the first place and now I feel like I am forced through it again. Is she just stalling hoping I'll give up?
2007-03-26 13:58:26 · 16 answers · asked by matt813 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry to say this as a woman but, when we have the upper hand or think we do , and we want the divorce, its okay. But the minute y'all say you want a divorce even though we may know deep in our hearts things are not working, we start to fall apart, take emotional trips down memory lane, confess our undying love for you, seem to do a complete 360,... However, its a rejection thing... No one likes to be rejected after being so close and intimate with someone, so we strike back, with all this drama.... Go ahead and do what you need to do , things will not get any better, only temporary truces. I know i will get slammed by the other women for this , but the truth is the truth......
2007-03-31 05:09:09 · answer #1 · answered by mssgtmidnight1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you dont divorce Matt. You havent even described the problems you guys are having, but I will say this you will regret it when your children ask you one day at their high school graduation "Wasn't I enought reason to work it out dad?" I understand misery in a marriage and I am going to tell you a secret. You have got to go through something to get something. It sounds to me like you arent even trying whole heartedly due to the fact you already want to leave. You have already given up on the marriage. Then there is something else I seem to be picking up on. Dude stop being weak, your wife is not in charge of your happiness. You are. If she isnt running the street like some whore, or hurting you in other ways, work it out. Honestly dude are you sleeping around ? A lot of times men do this when they think the grass is greener. Look been here done this and got a t shirt for all my misery. It sounds like you are unhappy with yourself and are looking to blame your wife. If so the next player in your life will make you feel the same way and you will still be unhappy just with someone else. Whatever your problem is dude fix it quick before you get exactly what you don't want and that is the hatred of your children years later.
2007-03-31 04:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by Ebony H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want to consider seperation first. The time apart would give you time to figure out why it is you're lonely. When there are children involved you need to try everything you can to work on the marriage, and you did a good thing by giving counseling a try. I noticed that you didn't mention about whether or not you still love your wife. This is a big factor -- if you're no longer in love, then what's the point. I hope you are able to make things work out for your kids' sake, but you need happiness too and if you're not happy then your kids would suffer from this as well. Good luck to you and yours!
2007-03-26 21:25:55 · answer #3 · answered by paddington_ck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a big believer in individual counseling, but not marriage counseling. Usually by the time people are in couples therapy, it's too late. If you've been going for a year and things are still bad, they probably aren't going to get better.
I would never presume to tell anyone what to do, but I was in your shoes once myself. I got divorced and it was definitely the right thing.
2007-03-26 21:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is stalling for some reason, do you have $$$ - tell her you want a divorce and you will leave her and kids in the house
leave if you are not happy - no point in staying and being miserable for the rest of your life and letting your children see it and make them miserable too.
2007-03-26 21:08:42 · answer #5 · answered by boonoora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you lonely? your children should keep you busy enough and give you plenty of joy. it sounds like the fire died between you and your spouse. do you know what triggered this or when it did?
If you tried counseling, I suggest not to give up...it seems there's still a part of you that still hopes for this to work out. Please consider going to this:
"A Weekend to Remember"
http://www.familylife.com/conferences/marriage.asp
I heard a lot of couples who are on the verge of divorce have fallen back in love after attending this conference. Let's see what it can do for you.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 21:08:14 · answer #6 · answered by jennifromtheblock 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I WOULD SAY IF YOUR NOT HAPPY ITS NOT HEALTHY TO YOU OR THE OTHER HALF OR ANYONE IN THE PICTURE AS A MATTER OF FACT TRY SEPARATING FOR AWHILE SEE WHERE YOUR EMOTIONS TAKE YOU THEN YOU'LL FIGURE OUT THEN IF DIVORCE IS THE ANSWER JUST DON'T BE WITH ANOTHER DURING YOU SEPARATION
2007-04-01 04:16:23 · answer #7 · answered by ~FliZo~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. Your wife WANTS you to take the kids? My advise is do it. A mother not wanting her kids is not a mother. Dude, you and your kids can do better.
2007-03-26 21:32:26 · answer #8 · answered by bigdaddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get a lawyer and get divorced. this is not what the kids deserve. they aren't in this you two are and if you arne't happy with her get moving and quit stalling.
2007-04-01 00:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you both have been trying for a year, and it is not improving, you are both just hurting each other and could be much happier and healthier apart!!!
2007-03-26 21:10:02 · answer #10 · answered by avechm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋