What would you do if your boyfriend after 5 years said this:?

Question

We've lived together for 5 years, been together for almost 6, seems committed, I ask him this: "Do you want to marry me?" and he says "Not yet."

what would u do with that? "not yet." wouldnt after 6 years you would know if you wanna marry the person your with!? right? and he knows it was just a random question not seriously gonna get hitched tommorrow and he says "not yet."

What should i make of this? My heart just broke hearing that and my heart is telling me to run and move out.

Any thoughts on this? Am I crazy to feel this way??? Come on... "not yet." so then why am I wasting my time!!!???

Answer 1

Then you should move out, and tell him your reason is because after all these years all he has to offer you is more waiting time- screw him! Why did he get the power to say yes or no? If he is not sure, honey, he is not worth your time!

Answer 2

It means that he is not ready yet to be married to you. He probably needs to mature more, who knows, but him.

It has been 6 years since you two been together and are "shacking up" with each other. There is no commitment there and he sees it more of a roommate kind of deal. So, he is okay with that arrangement rather than really being committed to each other in marriage.

So, what you should do is move out and don't shack up with him until you two are married. Don't live together until he is ready to marry you first. Because right now, you are just there for the sex. If he is not ready, then there is nothing you can do.

You are right, don't waste you time. Tell him you are moving out and you want to make it right by not 'shacking up' with one another.

Answer 3

It sounds like he is afraid of marriage, period. If things are going smoothly like it is, then he is probably wondering why fix it if it isn't broken. He might think that marrying would call for expectations from you that wasn't there before and he could even change toward you. The thought must really scare him.I know it really makes you feel bad though because in your heart, that would signify a life long commitment and make it that much better. I don't blame you for feeling frustrated and heart broken after this long. He should be willing to do it even if he is scared, because he knows how important it is to you. He should do this and more to show you, the woman he loves, that he is proud to be with you and would never want to live without you and should get over his fear of marriage. You are worth it. He should be excited that you would even consider marrying him.

Answer 4

I have heard this kind of question so many times....


Here's the standard answer..

He doesn't want to marry you, now and maybe not ever. He also doesn't want you to leave him for someone who will make that committment.

So, you decide. Do you want to be with this man for an indefinate amount of time without marriage and perhaps without children? Do you want to move on to a new relationship with a man that will make a true committemnt to you?

Personally, after a year, I think the question of marriage should be broached in a relationship. Its good for everyone to know where they stand before investing any more time and emotion into something that may not be what they both want. After 6 years...well, if he doesn't want to marry you now, he probably never will.

How important is marriage to you? If it is something you take seriously and want, then its time to bid your boyfriend a fond farewell and find a man with the same values and dreams that you have.

Answer 5

I had dated my boyfriend for almost 5 years with no sign of commitment. I had never really told him how important marriage was to me because I didn't want to scare him off, and I wanted to be the one who was asked, not the one who did the asking. Finally one day, I couldn't take it anymore. He had done something once again to make me feel unimportant in his life, and I just broke down and told him my true feelings. I told him how much I loved him and wanted him in my life, but that I couldn't go on this way without a commitment. I felt my life was slipping away, and that at the end of the year after graduation I was planning on moving out and away, and going on with my life. (We had been living together for 1 1/2 years.) I thought I had just ended our relationship by putting everything on the table, it was one of the scariest things I had ever done. But our relationship changed after that. I don't know why. Maybe he thought I was the one that didn't care enough and didn't want to be rejected, or maybe the thought of me moving away made him think. Not sure to this day and I've never asked him. But we were closer after that conversation and he asked me to marry him about six months later. We will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary this May. I can't guarantee it will turn out like this for you, but at least you will know where you stand. Best of luck to you, I know what you're going through.

Answer 6

Why would he need to get married to you. He has a marriage arrangement without the paper for evidence. He could be one of those guys who has a fear of the piece of paper thinking things will change. Don't give him an ultimatum, just make up your mind on how long are you willing to be with a man before you'd want a serious commitment. If you've reached that time, then go on with your life, there's someone for everyone if given the time, and it shouldn't take six years to figure that out.

Answer 7

Seems he doesn't want to marry you. Did you ask him why not yet? Or did you just do the whiny thing and start crying? Does he even believe in marriage? After so long, you'd think you'd know these things!

Perhaps you let him get away with a lot and that's why he's still with you until something better comes along. Yep, move out.

Answer 8

I'm sorry but he has a serious commitment issue. He should have had plenty of time. Maybe the two of you should have a serious talk, and then in the end the two of you don't come to an understanding, move on. You may never get what you want and deserve staying in that relationship.

Answer 9

If you have been together this long and he still does not know whether he wants to get married, I think you might have to accept that he does not want to marry you, ever. If marriage is important to you then tell him you have to set a date and actually begin planning. If he refuses you know where you stand and you have to move on if you expect to get married. Or you could wait six more years and ask again.

Answer 10

marriage doesn't depend on the time you spend with your lover. it a one time only. so, you need to make sure that the one you marry is the one you really love. or for the guy. they need to know if they can support the one they lover. if not they're not ready to get marry. so, probably this is the reason for his "not yet". or maybe something else. If, you so crazy about this you should asked him why. that can help you get rid of your stress. so, good luck. wish you luck! Bye!

Answer 11

i know this girl(this is a true story) that was with this guy for 13yrs!!!!! hoping he would marry her...well in year number 13 she got pregnant by him and after she had the baby he told her he didn't love her enough to marry her but will take care of the baby and moved out....a year later he was married! and no he was not cheating on her before he moved he simply didn't love enough to marry her...maybe you should get out now before you or he waste anymore of each others time.