can you proof read my essay? thank you?

Question

March of the Penguins


Although, penguins are considered as birds, in fact they’re very different in some ways; such as, they can not fly or make their living in hot weather. Penguins take the long dangerous journey continued over 1000 years. The destination is always the same. Penguins may be assisted by the sun or the stars. They arrive at the same place where each one of them was born.

Far from water’s age, ice stays solid until summer. After the precarious route, penguins look for their partner and create a family among each other. The egg will appear hidden from the cold and the wind until the storm is over. Both mother and father take great care and try to keep their egg alive. The female penguin goes to the sea to find food for its baby. It is definitely exhausted but she forces herself to walk several miles. The search will last for many days. Her life will be in great danger and their predators (seals) will certainly be happy. Though light return, worst is actually yet to come. No matter how cold or hungry it is, it will keep moving.

After many miles, life begins, yet not enough. The penguins’ efforts are not invaded. Occasionally, the family will spend some time together until their egg brakes, the partnership between the male and the female penguin is over.

In time, their little chick, like a child dances, their chick will take its first step. From the sun, the chick grows stronger each day, but yet not strong enough to leave its mother.

As winter begins to weaken, ice melts, returning the borrowed water to the sea. The chick is older now and ready to make living on its own. The chick is left alone for the fist time, unsupervised but will grow stronger everyday.

Answer 1

Okay, you made an effort. Here's a hand:

Although, [no comma] penguins are considered as [delete 'as'] birds, in fact [delete in fact] they’re very different in some ways; such as,[New sentence, delete such as] they can not fly or[comma, replace 'or' with 'and'] make their living in hot weather. [These are not necessary avian characteristics.] Penguins take the long dangerous journey continued over 1000 years.[bad formulation. Are the individual birds that old?] The [their] destination is always the same. Penguins may be assisted [replace assisted with guided] by the sun or the stars. [That is a guess. Scientists THINK...] [Like salmon,] They arrive at[return to] the same[delete same] place where *each one of them was* [they were] born.

Far from [the] water’s age,[Which way? Landward, or out toward the sea?] ice stays solid until summer. After [navigating] the precarious route, penguins look for their partner[s] and create a[their] family[s] among *each other*[the crowd]. The[y keep their] egg *will appear* hidden from the cold and the wind [how?] until the storm is over. Both mother and father *take great care and try*[make a great effort] to keep their egg alive. The female penguin goes to the sea to find food for [itself and] its baby. It is *definitely exhausted*[exhausting work,] but she forces herself to walk several miles. The search *will*[can] last for many days. Her life *will be*[is always] in great danger[,] and *their* predators ([mostly leopard] seals) *will* cerainly *be happy*[take advantage of the bounty they provide]. Though [the] light return[s], [the] worst is actually yet to come. No matter how cold or hungry it is, it will keep moving. [It? What it?]

After many miles, life begins, yet not enough. [nonsensical. Rephrase.] The penguins’ efforts are not *invaded*. [wrong word. No idea what your sense is here.] Occasionally, the family will spend some time together until their egg brakes,[breaks!][at which time] the partnership between the male and the female penguin is over.

In time, *their little chick, like a child dances,*[delete] their chick will take its first step. From the sun,[to the earth? Wow!] the chick grows stronger each day, but yet not strong enough to leave its mother.

As winter begins to weaken, ice melts, returning the borrowed water to the sea. The chick is older now and ready to make [a] living on its own. The chick is left alone for the fist time, unsupervised but will grow stronger everyday. [At what point? On the ice? In the water? Where?]

Answer 2

Although penguins are considered as birds, in fact they’re very different in some ways; such as, they can not fly or live in hot weather (some species can). Penguins a long and dangerous journey continued over 1000 years. The destination is always the same. Penguins may be assisted by the sun or the stars. They arrive at the same place where each one of them was born.

Far from water’s edge, ice stays solid until summer. After the precarious route, penguins look for their partner and create a family together. The egg will appear hidden from the cold and the wind until the storm is over. Both mother and father take great care and try to keep their egg alive. The female penguin goes to the sea to find food for its baby. She is definitely exhausted but she forces herself to walk several miles. The search will last for many days. Her life will be in great danger and their predators (seals) will certainly be happy. Though light returns, worst is actually yet to come. No matter how cold or hungry it is, it will keep moving.

After many miles, life begins, but not enough. The penguins’ efforts are not invaded. Occasionally, the family will spend some time together until their egg brakes, but otherwise the partnership between the male and the female penguin is over.

In time, their little chick, like a child dances, their chick will take its first step. From the sun, the chick grows stronger each day, but yet not strong enough to leave its mother.

As winter begins to weaken, ice melts, returning the borrowed water to the sea. The chick is older now and ready to live on its own. The chick is left alone for the fist time, unsupervised but will grow stronger everyday.

Good Job!

Answer 3

I put the corrections in brackets [ ], very minor.. I thought penguin male and females spend their whole lives committed to each other...

Although, penguins are considered as birds, in fact they’re very different in some ways; such as, they [cannot] fly or make their living in hot weather. Penguins take the long dangerous journey continued over 1000 years. The destination is always the same. [The sun or the stars may assist penguins.] They arrive at the same place where each one of them was born.

....

After many miles, life begins, yet not enough. The penguins’ efforts are not invaded. Occasionally, the family will spend some time together until their egg brakes[;] the partnership between the male and the female penguin is over.

.....

Over all it is interesting and well written.

Answer 4

The part in the beginning about penguins not living in hot weather is false. Although the emporer penguin lives in the Arctic many species live in very sunny climates like South Africa. Maybe you should do more research or just put in the essay that some penguins live in the cold regions of the world.

Answer 5

1.) After the first word, you do not need a comma after 'although.'

2.) In the first sentence, you don't need the 'as,' after 'considered.'

3.) Don't say 'in fact,' it doesn't make sense.

4.) In paragraph 2, after 'wind,' you need a comma

5.) In paragraph 2, after 'exhausted,' you need a comma

6.) In paragraph 2, in the second-to-last sentence, after 'though,' you should say "the."

7.) Right after that, put an "s," at the end of 'return.'

8.) In paragraph 3, you have a run-on sentence. After 'until their egg brakes,' you should put a period. Then, right after that, before 'the,' write "Once that happens,"

9.) In paragraph 4, move 'like a child dances,' to right after 'their chick will take its first step.'

10.) In the last paragraph, after 'the chick is older now' you need a comma there.

Those are all the mistakes I found, but I may have missed a few.

Answer 6

Its Perfect!!!

Answer 7

its good