My teenage daughter has no friends & doesn't go out?

Question

She is 14, in grade 9. She was bullied in grade 7, and a little in grade 8. Because of that, she has no self-esteem and gets embarrassed easily, and of course is very shy. She has no friends that she socializes with outside of school (she has couple of friends at school, but only at school). All she does is go on the computer. She won't join anything, and I don't think it's right of me to force her to do social things. She says she is not depressed and that she actually likes to be alone. But I worry that it's not healthy. Any advice? And if you were like that, did you outgrow it eventually? Please help this mom, because it makes me sad to see her with no friends.

She is not gothic, and her grades are barely average...

She likes girls, she came out to me about 6 months ago.

Answer 1

You sound like me with my son, he is 15 in 10th grade, and when he was in 9th grade he was the same way, stayed home 96% of the time, and I always worried about the friend thing. But he said the same thing your daughter does, that he is fine, actually sometimes he shocks me and says that kids his age are into stupid things anyway and doesn't want to be around them. He is now starting to make friends and hang out with some old ones from grade school now again, but he still is a home body more less. I guess personally I always wished I had more friends, like I did in school, so now that he doesn't have them like I did in school I think somethings wrong, but actually you and I should be counting our blessings that they are mature enough to know not to hang around a bunch of kids who are mean to them anyway or that treat them badly, actually I think my son is more advanced in his mind than a lot of those kids they are subject to in school anyway. I think that what you need to get is, that our needs are not their needs. It took me a while to get the concept, but the past few years of seeing my son be just fine with his life the way he is, has made me see he if fine and developing well mentally, so that is all I need to know, to feel he will be okay later on in life. Hope this helped. You, can be her best friend, that is what usually happens down the road in life anyway, Mother's and daughter's, usually have a great bond later. Maybe she gets enough of the emotional needs from you as it is, that is why she is okay with no friends.

Answer 2

I was in the same position as your daughter when I was her age.

You as a parent have to do your best to get her to have more friends by signing her up to afterschool programs, clubs, activities, and summer camps. She does well in school. The only thing she needs is a social life. She tells you she is fine and likes being alone. She is this way because doesn't realize that she lacks a social life. She is only 14. So your job as a parent is to make her realize that fact about her. You have to tell her that she is missing out on a lot of things teenagers should be doing. If she doesn't change, eventually when she graduates from college, she will regret that she has wasted so much time staying alone and not exploring the world, which was what I did. You need to tell her that you understand her problem and you will be her back if she gets bullied or feels uncomfortable. She is a very good girl and deserves to go out more. You have to explain to her that there are times when we go through hardships in the world but we must not let these hardships shut us out from the world. She is scared but she must overcome it. It will help her be a stronger person.

As a parent, I feel that they can make a big difference in their teenager's life. It is only a matter of patience, time, and knowledge. As a teenager, I feel that as long as I haven't done anything to hurt others, I shouldn't have to be afraid of the world. (I learned that by experience.)

Answer 3

this is going to sound truly harsh to anybody and that i will in all likelihood get thumbs down...yet I truly have a rebellious teenager and that i've got had to get 'stressful.' yet, that is labored. So, right here is my answer. If she have been my teenager, There would be extreme repercussions. start up with removing her privileges for a collection volume of time and have her artwork to earn them decrease back. meaning telephone, sleepovers, outings, acquaintances, pc ...each thing. i'd particularly have a protracted communicate approximately family contributors accountability and consequences. in case you watch the 15 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous boy, you will see that they are in simple terms on the commencing up of experimenting...in case you recognize what I advise. It seems quite harmless, yet i'm beneficial that wont final long. If that's the 1st time she's executed something like this, i'd nip this contained in the bud and enable her recognize how disillusioned you're that she blatantly disobeyed you, placed her sister in risk and as a effect, has now lost a number of your have faith and could ought to artwork to tutor it around. this could be a large one. She desires to comprehend that the domicile would have burned down, her sister would have been harm and no longer able to get help...or the different form of issues. This confirmed a extensive loss of sturdy determination making skills. sturdy success! ok, i will give up now. LOL!

Answer 4

Well, if she had some slams to her self esteem earlier, I understand her not wanting (even subconciously) to put herself into any situation again where she might get hurt. Is there anything outside of school she might enjoy doing? Like Karate, horseback riding classes, a book club, a computer club, softball, whatever? It could be outside of her school district so she won't run the risk of running into someone she might go to school with. And, while waiting that you can know that friends come and go. There are times in all of our lives when we feel like there's no one there for us. But, it could turn around any day. Plus, she may have a couple of casual friends at school that may turn into more of a friendship later on. My daughter is now 19 and I've been through that before.

Answer 5

well i would try to get her to jon clubs or sports and find her passion. does high school start an grade 9 or 10 where you live. if it starts at 10 let her know it is a chance to start over and to make lots of friends. Maybe you should start making friends with parents that have a daughter around her age. Is she an only child? Most only children (me included) like their alone time more than others but its not normal to go straight from school to home and just play on the computer. If you think that she is depressed maybe take her to a counselor or ask her teachers how good her social skills are at school and if they think that she needs help. Good Luck!

Answer 6

i would not go read too much into her statement that she likes girls . instead i would be more inclinded to think that she has given up hope that a boy will seek her.
as for what you can do to help her i think you should insist that she goes to something you put some thought into this yourself some thing where she will be with peers and something that is very difficult to fail at or is some kind of thing she is good at doing. make a list 3 things say . find the times locations details. then let her pick one of the 3 activities encourage her to go push her to go if that fails make her go.
she is at the age where her life social skills are really more important then her grades. you see a person can mess up at school with the marks but later go back and fix it .
once a person has developed a behaviour pattern that is as deep as social skills and in her case withdrawl if that is not corrected now well it is still in the growth period changing it will may involve years of therpy . so in short do what you didnt want to do and make her get up and go to one of the social things . again make this something you have put a great deal of thought into and make the 3 choices things that it would be all most impossible to fail at . so long as she makes one friend she is on her way.
i knew one man who had a girl like yours he sent her off on a sailing ship one summer for a month . a real sail ship each person had to be a crew person . he said prior to going his girl sat at home read books did computer things and all most never had a any friends. when she returned from that sailing adventure she was a different girl . she read less and lived more. he said she was a different girl and all for the better.
that might be one idea there put her on a ship where come high water or sink she has to manage to make friends and build self confidence . the people who run the ship seemed to be very good at figuring out how to make a group of total strangers come together and support one another.
oh that was a co ed ship and he said that part of her changed too . she had not gone so far as to say things like she likes girls but she had never before said she liked boys .
well thats my thinking on the matter.

Answer 7

Leave her alone. Not all kids require lots of friends outside of school. She is obviously a loner. There is nothing wrong with that. What IS wrong is allowing her to sit on the computer all day...that's not building her self esteem. She needs to get out in the real world rather than focus on the fantasy world of the internet. Get her volunteering in hospitals, animal shelters, children's homes. The fact that she "came out" at 14 has no bearing on her sexuallity since at 14 kids are pretty much ambiguous at best. A lot of girls at 14 have "crushes" on other girls...it's not unique to your child.

Answer 8

well im 14 as well and i act the same way i dont have any friends but in school i dont really have a life outside of school n i cry a lot i think about suicide all kinds of crazy things u should talk to her but my parents try to talk to me but i will never tell them anything is wrong u should let her come out of her own shell but at the same time comfort her n make her feel like she can come to u with anything n i was picked on a lot when i was in elementary school its not that she likes being alone it just makes it easier for her i stay alone becuz i dont want to get attached to people becuz they always wind up disappearing from my life it seems but dont force her to get involved in anything have a long talk with her im still the way i am becuz my parents never press me to tell them my feelings so just sit with her n let her know that ur there for her

Answer 9

I think she'll grow out of it, eventually.

In my home we had limits on TV watching...maybe you should institute that for the Internet, only so many hours per day, total.

Be very careful about what she is doing on the Internet...this maybe more dangerous than just hanging out alone.

Let her know you're there for her. Start a family night where you play games or bake cookies together. If you have more kids than just her, make a regularly scheduled time for the two of you to hang out together. Maybe alternate with dad, so she knows she has two loving parents.

Don't pressure her to be involved, or to talk to you about it. She'll talk when she feels like it. And she'll probably talk more sooner if you don't ask...otherwise it becomes a control issue.

I spent a lot of time by myself and there were 8 other people in my home. I did eventually start branching out...church helps a lot if they have a good youth program.

I wish you luck...

Answer 10

Yeah I was like that but I growed out of it just a few years ago. My mother forced me but it never did help me it only made it worce. Is she new to the school? Cause the times I was shy was because I always moved this is hopefully my last time. Just don't push her to join with anything.