Do and of yoy guys in the gay community ever get really lonely? I know everyone does at times, but I really feel like being gay has made the situation worse. I feel like I don't really fit in with any group or crowd...I'm an Asian gay male who (I think) acts pretty "normal" in that I don't prance around like a feminine queen. I've never really felt like I could be part of the stereotypical gay scene (the club and hookup scene), but I always find myself feeling a little left out of my straight friends' conversations...as if I can't really talk frankly about all the things that are in my heart, etc. I went to San Francisco thinking it would be amazing, but I just came back a little jaded...all the negative stereotypes associated with gay men seemed magnified 10 times there, and I know that's not what I want out of life. I just want to settle down with a decent guy and live like everyone else...a family, a home, a meaningful purpose in this life. Is that just a dream?
2007-03-26 11:38:26 · 14 answers · asked by toobland22 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Being gay is a lousy common denominator for making friends. Get together with people who share your interests: Gay garden clubs, gay choruses, gay writers, gay book club, gay A.A., gay hiking club, etc.
That way you're more likely to have more in common than a same-sex attraction. There may even be a gay group within your professional association.
Good luck.
- {♂♂} - {♂♀} - {♀♀} -
2007-03-26 11:53:16 · answer #1 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I enjoy San Francisco .. just for a visit though. For years, I've always thought that SF was the last ditch efforts of people that can't find a real relationship or are trying to live a party-death wish.
Just recently a friend of mine that had moved there 4 years over-dosed. He embodied what people say they don't want, yet if they were accepted into that life they would totally hop on it. Looks are not everything, and they can only get you so far substantively.
Life is what you make of it. If you want to be involved, be involved. There is so much more than the "stereotypical gay scene (the club and hookup scene)" ... its too bad that you are not able to see that. Don't be jaded anymore. It is your choice.
2007-03-26 18:53:47 · answer #2 · answered by Active Denial System™ 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
No it is not a dream. The first step to self realization is to simply be who you are and don't hide. Now that doesn't mean that you have to run around flaming, but don't shy away about how you actually feel when you are w/ your straight friends.
Try joining a club or group that none of your close friends knows anything about and as you acclimate into the new group, let them know exactly where you are coming from and who you are. You will be surprised at how many will accept you for you and may even try to fix you up !! I know, I was in the same boat. It worked !! Also always remember - You can't be two people so don't try to be ! Be true to yourself and never hide !! GOOD LUCK !!!
2007-03-26 19:02:12 · answer #3 · answered by johnnyman 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I totally know how you feel. I've always been a shy person and have had difficulty making friends in general, but being gay makes it even harder. I'm not trying to start a sob story, but this is just how I feel. There are a couple of friends that I don't have a problem fitting in with, but with others it just feels awkward, especially since the majority don't even know that I'm gay yet. Hopefully, I too can find a guy to settle down with. I think that might really help the situation. Anyway, good luck. I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel.
2007-03-26 18:46:26 · answer #4 · answered by Hmmm... 3 · 2⤊ 3⤋
hey dude, I'm not gay but I always felt crappy for my gay friends that run into that. Because I know some gay men who are completely turned off by everything in the gay scene and then they just shut themselves down, and to be honest they end up living pretty crappy lives. i think the only hope for ya is to find somebody who hates the gay scene as much as you do, good luck
2007-03-26 18:43:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 2⤋
OK I'm straight so if I sound prejudice , sorry . there's alot of gay Asians and alot of gays that aren't floopy. you just need to be yourself and be reserved in "picking up" people and you'll find that "man" that acts like a man and likes you. most of the time a gay man hits on me I don't realize it and just think , "wow, that's a cool dude". thats the kind of person you'll make friends with and eventually have a meaning full relationship with. try to hard and you'll be outcast from both groups.
2007-03-26 18:49:43 · answer #6 · answered by sufferingnomad 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Sorry to hear about your bad experiences. The gay community can be overly like a "meat market" and obsessed with looks and sex. However, I know a lot of permanent and long term couples who have been together AND had children for many years! I hope you don't give up, stay out of the meat-market bars, and of course there's someone just like you out there hoping to meet someone like YOU. You just need to be patient to find them.
2007-03-26 18:42:05 · answer #7 · answered by charmedchiclet 5 · 7⤊ 2⤋
i feel like you at times but i always keep hope that things will get better and my dreams will turn into a reality because thats all i can do is hope. So just keep trying to make your dreams your reality. It may be difficult at times but try to look towards the brightier side of things. and if you fall then pick yourself up and try, try, try again. thats life, you're meant to struggle. but at the end we all succeed.
2007-03-26 19:08:23 · answer #8 · answered by heavenlyNsweet 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Don't give up. For every negative stereotype you will find there are two positive ones that remain unfound. The only way to find these hidden gems is to put yourself out there and just be friends with people. One day you will meet someone who will see all the wonderful things you have inside you, and your time will come.
2007-03-26 18:42:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 3⤋
not being gay myself, i've known lots of gays who look and act normal like anyone else, they are just...well...gay. It's no dream, but it's a reality you need to work for.
2007-03-26 18:43:49 · answer #10 · answered by chaotix66 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋