My boyfriend and I have always been pretty close despite his infidelities, we still are.
He really put me through hell with the last 3 because I actually talked to these people. He says he will never do it again but I have a hard time trusting him. I feel I need to be with him as much as possible, which he hates. He says he feels like I go places with him just to watch him. But I actually like spending time with him..
Not sure how to handle this because I really do want to be with him, I love him tremendously. He tells me he loves me as well.
We are not kids, we are around 40. He is pretty hot and I am average, if that makes a difference.
How would you handle this? Just accept him for who he is?.
2007-03-26 11:22:37 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way, we live together and have all along.
I know of 7 women he has talked to and 5 that he had sex with. Pretty sure he won't tell me about any I don't know about.
I do love him and don't want to split up. Not an option I am looking at at this point.
2007-03-26 11:35:36 · update #1
One more thing, his two teenaged boys live with us. As far as I know he has not cheated since they moved in 3 months ago although he has stayed out late a couple of times I am not sure there were women involved. Got home about 3 a.m. both times..
2007-03-26 12:09:22 · update #2
I don't think you are too forgiving. You actually have nothing to forgive. You call him your boyfriend rather than husband, so since you folks are just playing house, without bothering to marry, he CAN'T cheat. Only married people have made the formal commitment to be faithful. I certainly don't think much of a guy that lives with one lady, while chasing others, but you've accepted this situation. You have already said you aren't going to leave him, so just what do you expect people here to tell you? That you are some poooooor, victim? Heck no. You've got a dog for a boyfriend, and apparently, that's good enough for you. So, live with it.
2007-03-26 11:49:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you let him cheat on you once--and stuck around--you're too forgiving. Think about this: When he cheats, he disrespects you. He also cheapens the intimacy between the two of you; how much does it mean to him when he's with you? I mean, he GIVES it away to other women! Not to mention he's set you into a no-win situation where you simply don't trust him.
Either move out, or kick the bum out. He's not even your friend, let alone BOYFRIEND. Friends respect and trust one another. You can't put a checkmark next to either one of those!
Get some self-respect; you're better than all this.
2007-03-26 11:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by writersblock73 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to walk away but sometimes you have too. I was cheated on and like a fool kept things going. "I'll never do it again" was always the case and apologies with flowers tend to lose their meaning. However if there was one thing I learnt in that relationship was respect makes a relationship.
If he can't stay true to you what does that say? He doesn't respect you, your feelings or the relationship. With out the respect you have nothing.
Then the trust issues. He doesn't trust that you want to spend time with him because you love him, and you don't trust he is being faithful. What kind of relationship that is healthy that lacks respect and trust?
Sweetie "he is pretty hot and I am average..." B.S. We are all our own worst critics and I think that you are selling yourself short because your feeling low. Your probably feeling low because of him and how he can't keep that infant sized third leg in his pants. Any one as forgiving, kind hearted and honest as you seem to be deserves better. Know what? You can do better, there are hotter and nicer guys out there.
2007-03-26 11:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by grandstander_girl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1) You are too forgiving
2) This need of yours to be with him "as much as possible" may be a contributing factor in his infidelities. He may feel smothered. I know that I did when I was in my forties and had a boy friend that had to have my attention every possible moment. That, more than anything else, was the cause of us breaking up.
3) If you are not willing to dump him, you will just have to accept that he will stray. Not being so clinging and needy might keep that to a minimum.
2007-03-26 11:34:16 · answer #4 · answered by pessimoptimist 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a lot of times. I can't imagine staying with a guy after the second chance. He seems to know you will take him back. He also seems itching to spend time without you. That's another issue. Some couples spend almost all their time together outside of work. You may not be compatible in that way either.
2007-03-26 11:30:30 · answer #5 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your reasons are for wanting to stay with a man who obviously does not love you or respect you, and who you know would lie to you and cheat on you, but if you are, you are a stronger woman than I. Still, a word of advice and warning-- please, PLEASE do not have unprotected intercourse with this man. A year from now, you may decide he isn't worth the effort and leave him, and that will be a year wasted. But if you catch an STD or HIV or AIDS, your whole LIFE will be wasted by the actions of this man. So please be cautious and careful, and protect yourself against anything that he might have contracted through his infidelities.
2007-03-26 11:57:40 · answer #6 · answered by carolina3415 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You deserve better than this. How can you still love him when he treats you like crap. And how can you say you believe that he loves you even though he continues to hurt you. Get a backbone, honey, and move on! Find someone who is as much into you as you are into him. There is someone like that out there, you just have to ditch this looser first.
This doesn't sound like the answer you are looking for but it is the truth. You deserve better than that, I don't care what you look like. Do not accept this, there are much better fish in the sea, even in their 40s.
2007-03-26 11:34:16 · answer #7 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is more something that you need to ask yourself. Surely, by the fact that you're writing out the problem here you are troubled by this. So, do you want to continue being cheated on in the midst of a "serious" relationship or would you rather just have a "friend with benefits" like it sounds what you've become to him?
2007-03-26 11:29:07 · answer #8 · answered by somewherein72 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just accept him... He will do it again, I mean c'mon. If it's something you feel you can tolerate, then just enjoy the good things about this relationship, and make peace with the bad. If you absolutely cannot tolerate it - do yourself a favor, and break it off. Wouldn't it be better to be alone, and at least have a shot at meeting someone more faithful, rather than being stuck with a person who keeps on disrespecting you?
2007-03-26 11:29:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is not going to change, especially if you are both in your 40s. You haven't even gotten a straight answer from him about his infidelity if you don't know how many times he has truly cheated on you. Why do you want to be with this man?
He cheats on you because you let him and you put up with it, that's why.
2007-03-26 11:28:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋