No jokes please. My husband admitted to me today that for the last 3 & a half years of our marriage he has been sleeping with women he meets anywhere. He has slept with around 20 women many times each. My heart is in bits and I don't know what to do. He's booked to see a counsellor on Tuesday re sex addiction. No jokes I beg you this is my life. Has this happened to anyone else?
2007-03-26 11:10:20 · 15 answers · asked by Jackie S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello,
(ANS) My heart goes out to you, what can I say? However what I do know is that some poeple have addictive personalities, meaning that if it wasnt sex it might be something else like food, drugs, alcohol.
One way that you might find helpful in order to understand your husbands (aside from how you feel right now that is) behaviour, is to think of him as a person who has an addiction like any other addict.
Addicts always have unconscious reasons for why? they behave this way. It could be away to avoid "real intimacy" as much as that sounds a complete paradox. Love & real intimacy are NOT the same as sex, & these things can become very mixed up or confused. Or his need for sex is the only way he can numb out his deeper pain & hurt whatever that might be. No! there IS always a much deeper motivation for a person who behaves this way, they might not even be fully aware as to why they behave that way.
This is why the counselling & therapy is so vital for him.
**For you, you must be feeling utterly devasted & completely betrayed, you must be so hurt. I'm so sorry! I wish there was more I could offer that would provide comfort.
**Your husband definately needs real help, he needs to own up to his problem/s, by doing that he has made a start to sort himself out.
**You must take extra special care of yourself now this has happened, you too are vulnerable as a result.
With Sincere Regards to you! go well
Ivan
2007-03-26 11:33:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are going through this terrible time. Did your husband just break down and confess or was he caught? I haven't been in this situation (Thank God!) but I just had to say that even though he is going to counselling I think it would be a good idea to distance yourself from him at the moment because he has put you through hell and this cannot be good for your self esteem so maybe a bit of you time is called for.
To stay around this man is a constant reminder of what he has done. Did he use protection ( My guess is not all the time!) so your health may have been put at risk. I really don't believe in true sex addiction, I know people with enormous sex drives who manage to maintain a monogamous relationship with an understanding partner. I think sometimes men use this excuse to get away with behaving disgustingly and showing total disregard for the person they profess to love.
I really think a time apart would be a good thing and if he does well in his counselling then maybe you can look at where you want to go from there but don't feel you have to support him through this after what he has put you through. He should have told you after the first not the twentieth!!
2007-03-26 11:23:43 · answer #2 · answered by wattie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a male perspective and may not be any use to you now. Physical acts are much less meaningful to men than they are to women. The hurt is in the breach of trust. Calling it addiction is an interesting cloak but I think the addicition is to more than sex, it is about risk and excitement which is just a male characteristic, like why young men crash cars driving too fast. This is a very cynical way to look at things, but if there is a danger that you won't like the answer, don't ask the question.
2007-03-26 11:20:02 · answer #3 · answered by Finbarr D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oh my god , i could understand him being addicted to sex but why didn't he come to you your his wife and if he needed the sex that badly I'm sure you would of helped him out so to speak,
im sorry to say if he was my husband maybe i could of forgiven him in time for one woman but there is no way i could forgive him for 2o woman that's just to much , sleeping with that many women behind your back you will be sorry if you stay with him ( you may really love him but if he really loved you he wouldn't have slept with all these woman ) , and without being funny don't you think going to a sex addiction place on Tuesday is a bit late he has known that hes addicted to sex for a long time and 20 women later hes going for help now ,
i rally hope you can get throw this but if it was me he would be gone sorry .
2007-03-26 11:40:31 · answer #4 · answered by fafandloo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally this has never happend to me! I dont mean to the barer of bad news or anything but sometimes we seek for what we cannot find at home! Maybe u should try to explore other avenues and not be so tied up in the 'normalities of life'. sex is a big part of his life, do u not feel the same.. THe average man thinks of sex every 2 minutes.. he is not different except maybe he is forfilling his own thoughts.. Try and work around this and see what it is that he expects of wants.. see if you can work it out together.. meet in a bar and pick him up.. meet in hotels and such forth.. use your imagination.. Im not tryin to put u down by any means but we all need to be forfilled in different ways and this is his way..
good luck
2007-03-26 11:34:58 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously... I'm sorry! God bless you! Keep your mind on your own health, mental, spiritually, and physically. #1 this is not your fault, no matter what you think, or he,or anyone else says, you are not at fault. You also need to seek counseling to help you through this. There should be a domestic abuse counseling center somewhere near you, check with the O.F.S., Office of Family Support. One other thing... I hope he is going to someone who will be honest with him, and if he has done this, (because this has and will affect you mentally, physically, and emotionally) there may be other things.This has been lies and deception already. Our nature is to defend them, watch yourself that's the next phase you will go through... remember there is a serious problem, it doesn't go away over night, sometimes never. Don't let it stop your life!
2007-03-26 11:33:00 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First go and get tested for STD's. Second , you need to make a decision as to whether you want to stay with this man or not because no addiction is easily kicked. My point being that most likely he will do it again. Are you willing to put up with any "claims" of relapses as an excuse to have outside sex?
2007-03-26 12:23:22 · answer #7 · answered by Grrr! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex addiction is serious like any addiction. Get your hubbie to contact Sex addicts anonymous (link below). He has made the first step by admitting the problem and getting help. Do not blame yourself for any of this, its an illness and all his stuff. Instead of using alcohol/drugs to change the way he felt he used sex. Take care of you whilst he sorts himself out. xx
2007-03-26 11:22:58 · answer #8 · answered by farleyjackmaster 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's intercourse addict and there is not any scientific care because of the fact intercourse isn't in basic terms actual. Its additionally physiological. He desire the buzz diverse women convey him. Divorce ought to not wake him up. he gets attractive lower back and searching for women to bang.
2016-10-20 00:01:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was able to save my marriage thanks to my family and friends. I also read a lot about marital issues and tips on how to save your relationship. The ebook on this site helped me a lot http://savemarriage.toptips.org
Check it out it's worth it.
2014-09-25 23:18:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋