2007-03-26 11:08:00 · 30 answers · asked by nicole l 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he signed up for an iternet porn site membership
2007-03-26 11:14:48 · update #1
he didn't tell me I found out on my own
2007-03-26 11:15:37 · update #2
I'm assuming you confronted him about it and that he is remorseful and get help if this is a serious problem. Even if it was just once, the two of you obviously need to talk about your relationship. Maybe see a counselor. Anyway, assuming he will not do it again, the only way to get over it is to forgive him or you will be resentful toward him and it'll make you sick. He also has to earn your trust back. The computer should always be in plain view to the family. Being able to use it in a private room with the doors closed encourages the problem. This is a serious problem for many men and sometimes gets carried away. It's not a silly thing. One more thing, if he is sorry and doing what he can to make things right, then don't bring it up all the time or he will feel that no matter what he does is not appreciated.
2007-03-26 11:15:54 · answer #1 · answered by VW 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is now a member of thousands of married men who do the same thing. Viewing porn is not always a sign that he doesn't love you anymore.Sometimes porn is a way for a man to live out fantasies that he is too embarrassed to do with his wife. It's called "the Madonna complex"> Wives should not have erotic feelings, they should be above all that. Wait it out with your husband and see what happens. Chances are that he will get tired of the same contortions and give it up. If it gets worse, confront him and tell him we have a problem and should go to a marriage counselor because his behavior is going to destroy our relationship. That might be the wake-up call he needs.
2007-03-26 11:24:24 · answer #2 · answered by Alfie333 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why shouldn't a married man do this? If my husband occasionally looks at porn, so what? Sometimes we look at it together. I picked out our last raunchy video. Sometimes I come home and he's been looking at it, and he wants me. Then we have a good night... I don't think this is quite as big a problem as people make it out to be, unless he is looking at porn constantly, instead of doing other things he should, like go to work, spend time with you, or spend time with kids. Otherwise, I would cut him a little slack. He is a man, after all, and some men need these kinds of visual aides to keep them from getting bored.
2007-03-26 11:32:42 · answer #3 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know, he's got to earn it back. I know when I did something that my wife thought was a dealbreaker about 4 months ago, I needed to make my way back into her good graces and I'm still doing it. It's not on you. It's on him and he's gotta fix it.
My advice to you as a guy that's been in his shoes is this: Require him to do what you feel he needs to do for your trust. Recognize it if he's making what you would consider good progress. Don't continuously beat him up over it. Whatever he did was an indescretion and even bank robbery has a statute of limitations.
2007-03-26 11:19:35 · answer #4 · answered by Deep Thought 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What can he do solely on the net? Worst case, you need a new keyboard.
If he loves you, and you don't want him hot chatting with others (a clue, most "hot chicks" on the net are guys) just tell him. If he loves you he'll honor your request. You should be able to trust him.
2007-03-26 11:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The NET is a fantasy, it's when it goes from cyber to reality that it is an issue. You should realize that the NET is keeping him at home, unless of course he didn't stay home. Then thats a whole different question isn't it.
2007-03-26 11:13:05 · answer #6 · answered by Super D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You make sure you have ALL access to all of his email, whatever.. It sucks when you find crap out that your husband did on the Internet.. Also you may want to try counseling.. But If you willing to keep him and the Internet...
Monitor him like a kid..
2007-03-26 11:17:08 · answer #7 · answered by Julie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever it was, if he knew it was wrong and he did it anyway, he owes you big. It is up to him to prove himself. It may take a long time but that's his problem. He blew it. If he's not remorseful or acts put out then he's not really serious about changing. Good luck to you.
2007-03-26 11:11:48 · answer #8 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I don't think what he did is a big deal.
Guys like porn, there's no way around it.
Would you rather have him holed up in a motel with another woman?
2007-03-26 11:18:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It will just take time for you to trust him or figure out you can't. It isn't about what he can do either. He can do a lot of things for you to forgive him, but it will just take time for you to trust him again.
2007-03-26 11:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by Leather and Lace 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋