My boyfriend and I own a home, have 2 dogs, and have been together for 3 years. We talk about marriage and he says ''I'm just not ready to get married'' But I dont understand what I can do to make him 'ready'?! If he isnt ready now, how can he just suddenly be ready? When I ask what he means by saying that, he says, he just doesnt know. I am ready, and I know he loves me so much, but cant further our commitment. Its not like I am in a huge hurry, but my boyfriend is 10 years older than I am, and I feel slight pressure for myself because of his age...
Any advice or words of wisdom?!
2007-03-26 10:59:38 · 29 answers · asked by cmalibu1 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you can't make someone ready...
if this marraige crap is so important to you then find someone who agrees...if this guy is important to you then get over and appreciate what you have...
2007-03-26 11:02:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He won't marry you or anyone else. The mistake you made was getting a house and two dogs together which is what a married couple would do. I'm sure he knew about you wanting to marry for awhile. And I think he's also told you he wasn't ready. He wanted the convenience but not the commitment. I seriously doubt this will change. You can't make him ready, either. This doesn't make him a bad person but it makes you the woman who wants to change the guy.Forgive me for being so blunt. I don't mean to hurt your feelings, I just feel telling it like it is , is the best. I've been there and done that and wish someone would have insisted on waking me up.
2007-03-26 18:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all marriage is something you do not rush into or force someone into making a decision on. Have you considered
he has some feelings on the whole age difference issue. If this guy is older then why is he waiting some guys just don't feel like a piece of paper and all that church and marriage stuff is important. This may be something you should ask him if you are ready to settle down and everything then maybe he isn't the one your to marry if he isn't in to marrying you?
I'm sorry but I loved my wife from the moment I met her and
it did not take long for me to propose to her, met in July engaged at Christmas the same year got married the following fall that was way back in 1999. The thing is she is 5yrs older then me.
I would propose to him if anything if he says no you can end the relationship and find someone who would like marry you and settle down. I know that sounds rough but life is too short to wait for someone to commit themselves to you come on now it's been 3yrs.
God Bless and may you find a resolution to your situation?
2007-03-26 18:11:42 · answer #3 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he been married before? That makes a difference. Some people have horrible marriages and even more horrid divorces. It could be he's terrified of too deep a commitment.
He most likely knows the real reason and he needs to level with you. I think he likes things the way they are, but doesn't want to give you the straight answer for fear of losing you. The real answer may have in it that he'll never be ready. Can you live with that? Would it be a deal breaker? You have to know this ahead of time, because one of these days he's going to finally give the whole answer. You'll need to be prepared.
2007-03-26 18:15:09 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why are you pushing the issue. You have everything you want except the ring and the paper. You push too hard and you will push him away one day. If he wasn't committed to you he wouldn't be living with you. He obviously loves you and tells you so. You say you are not in a huge hurry but you are or you wouldn't be bringing the issue up. Some men are happy living with women without the papers and feel just as married as any other man would.
2007-03-26 18:06:03 · answer #5 · answered by devilgal031948 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Um yeah, you have a problem. You can't change him. If he's not ready now, I'm afraid he will never be ready. Plus, you are playing house now! What would be the difference? You need to get down to the bottom of this. Is he waiting for someone better to come along? If he were truly in love with you, he would want to marry you now...he wouldn't want to wait. You should talk to him about this. Tell him how you feel and that your feelings are hurt!
2007-03-26 18:04:14 · answer #6 · answered by fairiesbreath 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask him his definition of "ready". I bet he won't be able to answer you. Is he still waiting for someone better to come along? Is he already married? He already has a home together with you, maybe it's just too much trouble and too easy to keep things the way they are. Find out about common law marriage. You are probably already married in the eyes of the state you live in anyway.
2007-03-26 18:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why get married?
My girlfriend and I have been together 7 wonderful years next week on april foolsday. We own a home, 1 dog, 2 cats, 1 big snake, have a near 2 year old lil boy and one more boy/girl on the way. Having a piece of paper ratified by your church and state does not make your committment any deeper. If you need that paper to make your committment deeper you shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
Marriage is not for everyone and in my experience lends itself to ruining a perfectly good relationship. So many get so comfortable with a ring on their finger that they forget that all relationships take work and effort every day. Why do you think the divorce rates are astronomical and growing. Enjoy the committment you have together and the love you have together and quit worrying about some slip of paper that social pressure tells you that you have to have. Enjoy your life.
Cheers....
2007-03-26 18:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by Cronides 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
There's nothing you can do to make him "ready". He's got you where he wants you - why would he marry you if he doesn't want to? At least he's being honest with you. Now that you know he's not interested in marriage, the ball's in your court - do you stick around and accept his decision, or are you going to break it off and look for someone who is marriage-minded? Don't stay in hopes that his attitude will change; stay only if you feel you can be satisfied with the relationship as it is, and not ask for more.
2007-03-26 18:04:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a big commitment in itself if you own a home together (not to mention the pets - they are like babies!)
It's serious dicussion time you have to be firm about letting him know just what you want and NOTHING LESS. My girl and I have lived together for 3 years and I have always wanted to marry her but she has drug her feet because of HER age (way over mine). I finally had to lay it out to her - I want us to be married or I have to move on.... Well, at least we have a license now and are setting the date... buying a house is next... we already have the "home" just being together.
2007-03-26 18:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by macho007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has your boyfriend been married before? Perhaps he went thru an ugly divorce and is afraid if you two get married it could happen again. There really isn't anything you can do to make him ready. This is something he needs to come to terms with himself. If you two love each other and life is good, hang in there until he feels "ready"
2007-03-26 18:04:57 · answer #11 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋