Ok here is the short version..... I am married with 4 kids 1 is mine the other 3 are ours. I feel that he treats my daughter awful. Last weekend he called her a f*** b****,,,, I left him for a week and he "promised he would change" - I let him move with me to my new apartment. And nothing has changed - I feel that I am allowing him to screw my daughter up by excluding her - He is going to be going to jail for 6 mos for failure to pay child support - I thought I would let him stay around until then because his children adore him, but I feel like I am hurting my daughter in a major way. Any advice??? Should I wait until they come for him or kick him out now. He has been attempting to be better but not as well as I had hoped.
2007-03-26 10:36:31 · 27 answers · asked by brog 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK alittle more detail - he wanted to adopt her and accepted her as his own in the beginning - it has been within the last year that he has had a problem with her. He doesnt like the way I discipline her but I treat the others the same way. I feel like he doesnt like the way I am handling her and instead of talking to me about it he is getting mad at her. And that is why I left him the first time - I would never choose a man over my kids and I agree with what everyone is saying and you are cementing what I am thinking.
2007-03-27 02:03:05 · update #1
Ultimately the decision is up to you, but This is my view: because you daughter is not his biological father, he will always make her feel excluded, he will never give the same love to her that he gives to the children you have with him. As you explained he is going to jail soon, meaning he has some major flaws in his character that the average guy doesn't usually have. It doesn't seem as though you care more for him than you do for you children. To me it seems your children are your priority and not this man. So, if you are willing to, you should leave him because he is psychologically damaging your daughter's spirit. She needs a male role model in her life who wouldn't reject her. So leaving seems like the best decision for you and all your children because they don't need to be present near a bad influence even though this guy happens to be their father, he could have visiting right if indeed you are to separate.
2007-03-26 10:45:36 · answer #1 · answered by jumba 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say let him go the longer you wait the harder it will be on the kids. Also he doesn't need to be talking to your daughter like that. That is disrespectful towards you too not just her. And if he is treating your daughter like that now later he might start treating the other kids the same way. You or your kids don't need to live with someone who will treat ya'll like that. kick him out now .Also when the cops come you don't want your children to witness him being taken away that will scar the children seeing their dad being hauled off in cuffs and a cop car.He will never change he'll always be the same!!!!!! Let them know that you don't have to put up with the abuse.
2007-03-26 11:27:28 · answer #2 · answered by sweet heart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that you are going through such a tough time! My gut says that the way you behave toward your husband will send a clear message to your daughter. If she sees you stand up for her, then you will be showing her that she is important to you. It's up to you whether you kick him out, but know that your daughter is watching to see if you will support her. You've already let him know that his behavior is unacceptable and he hasn't changed, right? Good Luck!
2007-03-26 10:53:00 · answer #3 · answered by FlowerMB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad you're basically allowing him to abuse YOUR daughter! This should not even be a question. You need to get rid of him. Your daughter will soon become your enemy for allowing your man to be around. Then start to resent you for letting it happen.
You're SAD! I would NEVER pick a guys side over my flesh and blood.
2007-03-26 11:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by Destinee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drop his butt, that is just so wrong that you even took him back after he swearing at your daughter, i mean your own daughter and you'd choose him over your own blood, i understand that you got 3 other kids with him, but he should of learned to respect and love your daughter the same as his before you even took him. if he really wanted to change he would of already but i just think he don't like your daughter cause it aint his and he aint got nothin to do with her. so if you still choose him then, later on in future dont blame your daughter for what she turns out to be.
2007-03-26 14:55:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are hurting your daughter. Sounds like he needs some therapy,or counseling. You need to find out why he does not accept your daughter. Something really needs to change or she is going to have problems and need therapy. His actions toward her will cause her to have self esteem issues, later on she will have problems with relationships with men.
2007-03-26 10:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Janst 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi. It seems that he is not very good for either one of you. I am a mother 2 mine 1 ours and I know that if it were me..My children come first. It's our responsibility to try to raise them with confidence. You don't gain confidence as an adult, it's something that is implanted thru years of parenting. And you know in your heart if this man is who you truly want to be with. Ya know what I mean. Best of luck
2007-03-26 11:08:19 · answer #7 · answered by godmamaz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave the jerk. I had an ex that really screwed up my oldest son with the same behavior. My son never got over it and we split anyway. I haven't seen my son for years because of this. Leave him now before it's too late. Godloveya.
2007-03-26 10:41:50 · answer #8 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek marriage counseling & family counseling. Your local church may offer free services. Pray to God. But I don't think he'll change. And him going to jail is a bad sign. If you leave, you won't get child suppot from him. Follow your heart sweetie.
2007-03-26 11:32:20 · answer #9 · answered by J Doe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on....NO guy is worth messing up your daughter for is he? Let him go..theres so many men out there that will love and respect you and your daughter...but ur to busy with the AZZ to notice them...let him go now...today...b4 the sun sets and he does more damage to ur precious daughters self asteem!!
2007-03-26 10:43:47 · answer #10 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋