My friend is going out with a man, and he doesnt see her often, nor talk to her, and seems to be making many excuses to get out of seeing her. Just recently, her childhood friend (a gay man) told her and laughed at her that he had slept with her boyfriend, and more news has come out that my friend's boyfriend has been dating another man for months. He denies it, but he has been avoiding her, so it seems to be true. I have told her and told her to forget him, run away from him, kill him, whatever it takes to get rid of him, but..., she loves him, so doesnt want to leave him. How bloody complicated can you get? And what can i tell her, or advise her on what to do? I really give up, and she still calls me crying about him.
2007-03-26 10:15:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I'm older than you I think so here is my advice..... take it or leave it...
be good to your friend, have her over for dinner or coffee and have a heart to heart with her, letting her know that you can't continue hearing about her heartbreak that she is not taking action on. Make it clear to her that for her own sake she needs to do something about this relationship, but that in the future you would appreciate not hearing about it. Trust me you are still being a wonderful friend to her, advising her that you will not condone hearing about how she is now choosing to HURT HERSELF.
2007-03-26 10:23:23 · answer #1 · answered by Grace 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, what a horrible toxic relationship your friend is enduring. not just with her "boyfriend" but also those other friends that would laugh at her b/c they had slept with her boyfriend. jeez....how insensitive can that yokel be????.
everyone who has posted before me has made very good points, especially about the part that choosing to pine away for him now is really choosing to hurt herself.
Most healthy well-adjusted people would look at this situation and say "see ya" to this guy. Regardless of whether his seeing men is true ornot, he should be more willing to spend time with her if he cares about her. However, someone who would willfully do this might have other issues going on. For instance, she may have low self esteem and feel like she "can't do better". or she may be addicted to the misery (b/c she's comfortable being in pain, and setting out on her own is too scary). i really don't know...but a good heart to heart and some gentle nudging may be just what she needs. be supportive, but also be firm that you feel she needs to move toward resolving this for herself (no matter what she decides to do)
2007-03-26 18:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by Jnr528 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs a good dose of self respect. Obviously, she is traumatized, and is having a tough time letting go. It will take time, be patient with her, and keep assuring her that she deserves better. Ask your gay friend to be more sensitive in issues such as this. As for the man, he needs his own time to figure out which way he wants to swing. Your friend will only make it worse for her if she keeps after this guy, trying to win his love over when he does not seem interested. Such love gets her nothing but heartache and pain.
2007-03-26 18:40:57 · answer #3 · answered by Gaymes Last Orchestra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you care for something or someone, you spend time with it. Just think about that in you everyday life. The things you like or love, you spend more time with than others. If he isn't spending time with her, that should be the first indication that he doesn't really care for her. As far as the gay dating behind her back. If he can't look her in the eye and say it didn't happen, I would leave him. But, of course, you can't expect her to see things logically. Right now she sees past the problem. She's looking with her emotions. It's going to take her growing or something happening to make her see the truth.
2007-03-26 17:33:57 · answer #4 · answered by pjonkml 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoever it was with,he's cheated on her & she needs to get rid of him cos he sounds like a complete waste of time.Also her childhood 'friend' is a complete d*ckhead for, 1) Sleeping with the guy & 2)laughing about it-she needs a new decent boyfriend & a better friend (& sorry to say it,a backbone).
2007-03-26 18:56:34 · answer #5 · answered by munki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Was there a question here? Tell her to dump the guy, or better yet take her out and get her drunk i mean really drunk then take her to a strip club and pay the hottest one there to give her a lap dance then take her home and find out why tongues are so much fun!
2007-03-26 17:57:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just needs to be confronted and asked for the "TRUTH" about who he is, and what type of lifestyle he leads. He seems to be, from what you have said, either a bisexual, or in denial. Either way, this is obviously not something your friend wants, nor do you want for her. She needs to kick him to the curb, and tell him to either be who he is, or find someone else who accepts him for what he is. Don't shame him, just accept him for what he is, but the LIES have to stop. Your friend is in denial too.
2007-03-26 17:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly it's probably all lies, but it will only make her relationship with him terribly painful. She should either break it off with these Supposed friends or with the boyfriend. The choice is hers.
2007-03-26 17:20:24 · answer #8 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think he might be gay or bi at least but thats beside the point all you can do is console your friend, be there as you are now obv but just bite your tongue, um and arr in the right places and one day she will see this plonk for what he is and you will be there as usual, good mates are rare...aaw bless..
2007-03-27 11:52:04 · answer #9 · answered by juejua 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does the saying go you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink it?
2007-03-26 19:19:32 · answer #10 · answered by Future boy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋