HELP! is it wrong to want to see my parents?

Question

Is this wrong? Am I a horrible person?
I was adopted into a wonderful family who I love very much, but part of me has always wanted to talk to my biological parents. I was taken away when I was six and I'm now sixteen. I really want to talk to my parents and find out what I did wrong. I want to know them and where I came from. Is this wrong, because they beat me and my sister when we were young? Is it wrong to want to meet them after so long? I feel like part of my past has been left unaswered leaving a huge hole, but I also feel wanting to meet the people who have left me with both phycial and emotional scars is wrong. What should I do. Please help!

Answer 1

I don't think it's wrong to want to see them, but I do think it should be in a protected setting. By that I mean that a social worker or a therapist should be with you. Why? Because at 16 you would still be too easily influenced in a way that could be potentially damaging to your maturing psyche.

Talk this over with your adoptive parents and see if a safe solution can be found.

All the best to you little one!

Answer 2

You're not a horrible person. It's a common need to find out where you came from. If it wasn't, those heritage and family tree sites would be out of business!

Keep in mind that you couldn't have done anything to warrant their behavior. What could a six-year-old child *possibly* do to deserve abuse? Nothing. It was their malfunction, but you were lucky enough to be taken away and find the love you deserve.

My advice would be to talk it over with your adoptive family and let them know that you're thinking about. Make sure that they know you're just closing a part of your past, and that it's nothing that they did or didn't do. If they're supportive, they'll accept your feelings and help you do what you feel needs to be done.

It certainly wouldn't hurt to see your original family, if for nothing else than to confirm for yourself that you're better than where you came from. You can see for yourself, and make a conscious decision based on an almost outsider's observations whether or not you want to see them regularly.

Don't dwell on it or angst about meeting them again, but ten years is a long time. If they've changed (very rare) then you could have the possibility of forming a friendship with them.

Just remember: you're loved. Whatever happens, you have a family that picked you from all the others because you complete their lives and who love you dearly.

Answer 3

I don't feel your at fault here, this happened when you were six, maybe they had some issues they had to deal with and felt it best to let someone else raise you so they could deal with whatever. You're a young adult now and I'm sure the parents you have has raised you to be a mannerable, respectful young lady so you'll know how to handle this situation when the times comes for you to meet them.. Regardless what happened in the past, forgive them!
You're older now!!!! When the time comes for you to have kids, you'll know what NOT to do, because of your past...
Good luck! :)

Answer 4

First and most important - as a child you did not do anything wrong to make your birth parents mistreat you. They were wrong, pure and simple. It is only normal for you to want to know about your background; although, it would be best if you had counseling with those issues about mistreatment. Ask your parents for counseling to deal with your feelings, because this is a lot for a young person to deal with. Let your parents know how much you love and need them, and that resolving feelings toward your birth parents is a part of letting go of fear and anger. Good luck.

Answer 5

I think you should wait till your 21 to decide. You still have lots of life lessons to learn. Rather than devoting all this energy to someone who beat you, try investing it into the heroes who are now your parents. I realize there is a empty place inside you but would you rather have a empty hole or a hole full of crap. If it where me I would wait till I had my own place let them know where you are and if they try to build a HEALTHY relationship roll with it. Lets not forget the feelings of your heroic parents. How would it make them feel if you walked in one day and said, " well gang that's my time. I'm gonna jet." You might as well say, "I know you came threw for me in my greatest time of need and you rescued me. You paid my way threw life for the past 10 years and to top it off you did it out of the goodness of your heart,...... but its not good enough! I know I have a decent life here but im gonna run out and potently endanger myself to satisfy my curiosity." You will crush them. I don't know about you but I just couldn't repay someone like that. When you have abusive parents you don't have to do anything wrong to get hit.... Count yourself as lucky kid, not everyone makes it out. If they wanted you in there life they would have done whatever it would take to keep you there FROM THE START. They had their chance and threw it away. They don't deserve your time

Answer 6

Follow your heart - but do it carefully. Work with a professional therapist/counselor and follow his/her directions. You're not wrong to want to resolve your problems, but you should not attempt to do so by yourself.

Your biological parents have hurt you in the past, and, if you attempt your resolution without support, they could continue to hurt you. There are several resources available to you; I would suggest that whoever handled your case originally would be a good place to start.

You sound courageous, since courage means being afraid but acting anyways. Keep your chin up and your eyes wide open - and go for it!

Answer 7

The feeling can be one sided, they may not care about you and they may prefer not to be disturbed.

Be wise, pay more respect and gratitude to your adapted parents. Otherwise, you will be a stupid fool.

You know you are wrong and you know you are a horrible person, all you want is to go through the process and hoping something nice will be at the other end.

Well, you will be s stupid idiot in the end.

Answer 8

I wasn't going to answer this one, because I'm soooo torn. I don't think there would really be any problem and it may help you, but I wonder if you would be opening yourself up for more pain. Maybe you should wait until your 18 and pretty much untouchable.

I guess I'm just worried about what kind of emotional roller coaster might be in store for you. I would hate to think you would have to endure more emotional scars by their hands.

I say wait two years.

Answer 9

i'm sorry that you're feeling unloved by technique of your mothers and fathers. I felt that way too at the same time as i became growing up and it harm a lot. My mothers and fathers were divorced at the same time as i became 2 and a million/2 years previous and my father lived in yet another state. My mom worked and dated so became lengthy gone an outstanding form of the time. I keep in mind wondering that if she loved me she could spend extra time with me. at the same time as i became in my 20's i found that she loved me more effective than all of us else ever has yet because we had different personalities it became consistently not ordinary for us to talk mutually. My significant factor right it really is that because you do not imagine or sense loved by technique of your mothers and fathers does no longer mean that they don't love you. There are also issues which could take position because mothers and fathers and little ones have a psychological dynamic between them that human beings don't have. as an celebration; at the same time as i became 17 y/o, a chum stated to me,"you're so fortunate to have such an expertise mom that you'll search for advice from with about some thing." i could not believe my ears, and stated, "What do you propose? i visit't search for advice from with my mom in any respect. you're the single with the large mom. i visit discuss some thing consisting of her!" in the adventure that your mothers and fathers feed and dress you and do not abuse you, please be open to their love. attempt to construct bridges to advance your relationship with them. no matter if you're valuable or no longer, you'd be satisfied you probably did once you're older and comprehend how difficult that's to be a determine. Being at your new individual, married acquaintances residing house a lot isn't that unusual. I used to artwork with a woman who stated that once her little ones were growing up, a number of their acquaintances were there as a lot as her personal little ones were. We get our needs met by technique of many various human beings. i'm grateful for each efficient parental position form that I had.

Answer 10

Deary, some things are better left unknown. Leave the bad things in the past and continue on with the present, especially if it's good.