I was adopted into a wonderful family who I love very much, but part of me has always wanted to talk to my biological parents. I was taken away when I was six and I'm now sixteen. I really want to talk to my parents and find out what I did wrong. I want to know them and where I came from. Is this wrong, because they beat me and my sister when we were young? Is it wrong to want to meet them after so long? I feel like part of my past has been left unaswered leaving a huge hole, but I also feel wanting to meet the people who have left me with both phycial and emotional scars is wrong. What should I do. Please help!
2007-03-26 10:03:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was also adopted and these thoughts are normal, so no, you're not a bad person for considering these things, but maybe think of it this way....
What do you have to gain by meeting them? Probably not much. Instead, you'll more likely just find hurt, pain and suffering. As a minor, you'd also have little control over what could actually come of this situation. So, who needs it, right? If I were you, I'd just be happy with your new, good life and let the past go. If you still feel this way in 10 more years, then maybe reconsider looking into it. At that point, it will ancient history and more a matter of plain curiosity and a want for basic information.
2007-03-26 10:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No of course it's not wrong to know where you come from. I would want to know to-- the good, bad and the ugly...
Just make sure you have resources lined up to help you deal with the information you find. It may be harder to understand than you think.
As for your parents, assure them that you love them -- and they'll always be your mom and dad. The people who give you away when you get married, the first people you call when one day you have a baby... -- but you feel it's important to put this nagging question to bed so you can go forward feeling secure in who you are, and who you are not... does that make sense? This probably won't come as a surprise to them. I'm sure they've been anticipating this for a long time...
Good luck, stay brave and remember just because you share genetics with someone doesn't mean you'll make the same decisions they did.
2007-03-26 17:13:21 · answer #2 · answered by luchadore 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's completely normal to want to meet your biological parents. It's also understandable that you have a lot of unanswered questions and that the "gap" needs to be filled so you get move on in your life. I don't think there was anyting you guys did wrong; some couples either don't make good parents or just feel their children can be raised in a much healthier and happier envrionment; hence you've been raised so far in a nice one =) but by all means, go ahead and locate them, you deserve answers =) Best Wishes!
2007-03-26 17:12:29 · answer #3 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you are writing here this is a big part of your life. You did NOTHING wrong, do not blame yourself! If you feel you need to talk to them to get things out in the open, do so but be sure your adopted parents are there also. You haven't said what happened to your sister. Perhaps finding and talking to her might help.
2007-03-26 17:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by hummingbird 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no personal experience, so this is just my gut feeling. I think it's natural to want to know where and who you came from. And as others have said, you did nothing wrong! So talk to your adoptive family, explain your feelings. Proceed with caution, there are other good ideas mentioned here, such as counseling or contacting their more distant relatives first.
Be prepared in case your bio family doesn't want any contact with you. And also, if you do establish contact, don't get sucked in if they have a negative lifestyle or attitude. You were rescued from an abusive family, so don't blow that!
Good luck, and don't rush things. It may take time for everyone involved to accept this!
2007-03-26 17:18:48 · answer #5 · answered by Sam84 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to meet your real parents then if your
adpoted wonderful family knows about them and
can help you to communicate with them then there
is nothing wrong with you wanting to find out why.
If your adopted family feel un-comfortable or do
not know your real parents, then wait until you are
of adult age and you can venture out on your own
and try and find out about them. Either way I am
sure your present parents will be supportive of
you and just remember that they are the ones that
took care of you and love you so always have re-
spect for them for that and they will be supportive
of you. Good luck.
2007-03-26 23:41:46 · answer #6 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your feeling is nature, but you also need to understand more about human nature.
Your biological parents may not have any feeling toward you, you are simply the accident of their sex act and not all folks are sensitive to kids at all. You may surprise how little they even consider you as any thing at all. Believe me, it is all true.
You simply can not assume someone is your parent and they are automatically a decent human being.
I will pay much more gratitude to your adapter parents and they owe you nothing and you owe them everything. They deserve your respect and pay back. Every single red cent of it.
2007-03-26 22:44:34 · answer #7 · answered by Tia T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They will never be able to justify or explain away the reason they beat you. Personally I would feel unsafe approaching them. If you are really interested, try to find other family members such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. to talk to. If they don't have any family, you might have to be okay w/ just having your adoptive family. You aren't losing out on these people; their losing out on knowing their amazing daughters who didn't deserve treatment like that.
2007-03-26 17:10:12 · answer #8 · answered by espressoaddict22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a horrible person or it wasn't you fault and you didn't do nothing to deserve to have been beatten. But if you would like to talk to them. First ask permission from your adopted family and see what they will tell you. But if you really don't want to ask anybody's permission just wait till your 18 and an adult and go see them if yu want. But talk with your adopted parents and if they let you gosee them have one of them go with you just in case you want to leave.
2007-03-26 17:21:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your concerns are very legitimate. Knowing your biological parents and speaking to them will resolve some identity problems you obviously have and resolve those questions too. If it wont hurt your adoptive parents,ask them you need to find your biological parents; otherwise, wait until you are of age
2007-03-26 17:09:50 · answer #10 · answered by Elder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋