Please answer only if you are Trans or familiar with this issue. No amount of flaming or hate will help and will make said flamer just look uneducated and rude.
My spouse and I are legally married in Massachusetts. My mother-in-law is very religious but has come to treat me like the girly daughter she never had. We are happy with our life. Even though both of our families love and support us we have one secret.
My family knows that my spouse is in the long process of becoming male, they have no problem with this as long as I am happy. My family refers to my spouse with his chosen male name and with male pronouns. All of our friends do the same.
His family does not know.
He tried to tell his mother years ago, before we ever met. His mother would not speak to him for a month. We are not sure if she understands that the process is still going on.
My spouse has reached a point where he wants his mother and father to know and start to use his new name. He (as a she) has a very close relationship with his parents and does not want to loose them.
Any ideas how to talk to them without completely loosing the relationship that we have with them?
2007-03-26 09:17:12 · 7 answers · asked by Alexis 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Sandy if I knew that I would be the most loved, richest prson in the world. I am male to fem and have been for many years having had my surgery a long time ago. I have never figured this one out although I have thought about it most days of my life. I lost my mother and my syblings through it but not my father. My mother didnt speak to me for 20 years and even left instuctions I wasnt to go to her funeral. Life is hard babe and you just have to accept what it throws at you. You obviously love this person in your life and are doing your best for them, but be ready for rejection by the family. I went the opposite way from m to f but it must be the same thing with the same feelings involved. All I can say is broach the subject and take it from there, I doubt you will have much joy though. Good luck to you both and hope you come out of the other side smiling.
2007-03-26 12:37:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who went through the same thing a few years back. I was the first person he told, but then he thought he was a lesbian, he realized that something didn't fit. Now he has changed his name and has physically changed, and his mother mocks it or treats it like a phase (NOTE: He's beyond his teenage years.) His father stopped talking to him, and no longer accepts him as a child of his. Its an awful situation, however, he has charged through it.
One idea is to just sit down and discuss it, and really ask them to listen to the issue, its a complex thing, and the last thing a person needs is a parent or a friend that isn't supportive of their life. Its hard enough as it is. Another idea could be to just ignore the issue, however the previous is probably the only safe route. Good luck!
2007-03-26 09:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by Waverly Pascale 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My neighboor, who my family is very close to, was going through this as well. He was going through the process of becoming a female, which was very sucessful. Her parents are very religious and think that this sort of thing was a sin, so she didn't know how to tell them. But eventually she just sat them down and told them everything that was going on. She told them that a mistake was made and that she was supposed to be born a female. The parents were shocked and disgusted but eventually accepted her.
There is no easy was to talk about this subject with people, especially parents. But if they love him, they will accept him for who he is. It takes a lot of time and understanding, but try and help them understand the situation.
I hope this helps.
2007-03-28 03:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by thathockeychick23 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooooh...tough situation. Let me first congratulate you on your success in love, not many people on here have that. You're in a tough spot seeing as he's already told everyone else. Whatever happens, I really don't think that he should go back to being female unless that's what he wants. If he's doing it just to make his family happy...it won't work in the end.
I'd say that depending on your relationship with his parents, decide whether it should be both of you there or just him. If it'd be too much of a shock to have you there as well, maybe it should just be him. But you could be useful for support.
I can't really tell you exactly what he should say, but he shouldn't get angry, defend himself or attack his parents. He SHOULD tell it gently and tell it in a semi-clinical manner. As in, he shouldn't just go "I'm male". He should explain that he's always felt male inside, blah blah blah, I'm undergoing changes and I'm asking for your blessings to be referred to as male and recognized as male. I love you both and don't want to lose you. That sort of thing.
Hope this helps. I wish the both of you luck.
2007-03-26 09:25:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my stepsister's stepsister (stepbrother i don't know) is becomeing a guy and we were really shocked but we sitll exept him for who he is and the entire familey (includeing my part even though we have no relation) was there for him durring the whole thing so it we had time to exept that this is who he wants to be. Thats probobly what his familey needs... time
2007-03-26 09:26:22 · answer #5 · answered by KTbaybee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wow thats tuff the best thing to do is still keep in touch and make you guys relationship stronger so maybe his mom would relize she'll love him for who he wants to be.
2007-03-26 09:29:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can't help you, I just want to wish you luck and love.
2007-03-26 09:21:52 · answer #7 · answered by FTW 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋