Burnt out mother of almost 9 mo. old...?

Question

I have a 9 mo. old son and I am honestly burnt out. I take care of him from 630-7am until 530-6pm when hubby gets home. There's virtually no one to help me during the day that's generous with time. Some days he doesn't sleep more than 20 mins until 2pm (like today). I just feel like I am going to explode with stress and I am very tired/emotional since birth. There's just no time for me. I take a 10 min shower; I try to do everything to save time.
I do all the dishes and chores during the day to make us time and I feel like I am doing 95% of the baby's caregiving. My hubby gets home 530, and baby goes off to bed 730. He barely takes care of him because the baby sleeps so early.
Baby only likes to eat for me. He'll scream for an hour or more when husband tries to feed him (sometimes it works though). I just feel absolutely worn out and honestly a part of me regrets having a baby, even though he's BEAUTIFUL. And now with crawling/solid foods, he's even more work. I just can't relax!

We're going on our first vacation in 3 years this weekend. It'll be a 1 day, 1 night stay...better than nothing. But once that's over, how do I cope with all this work?

One day he'll sleep 3 hours in the day, another day only 30 mins. He has no schedule yet and it's very hard on me.

Answer 1

No wonder you are exhausted! I think at 9 months old, your son should be getting more sleep during the day - at least 2 hours from 12.30. It soulds like he is tired too. Try making sure his room is dark and he is tucked into his cot and use the controlled crying method if he cries (as long as you know there is nothing else wrong).

Apart from that, it sounde like you are very, very over tired and you need a day's break. Tell your husband that he HAS to take a day off and have your son for the day while you get out and do something for yourself. I have worked full time in an office and also looked after a baby all day andI know which one is harder work! However much you love them, a baby offers no mental stimulation and this, coupled with tiredness is enough to drive anyone insane!

You will feel much better afterwards, believe me. It's the thought of endless days of nothing to look forward to which makes it hard work.

Good luck and remember that you are not alone!

Answer 2

I feel like i am having the same problem but my son is only 10 weeks old. i have no time to myself and my husband comes home after work, school and the gym and i get frustrated because i feel like he has all the free time in the world and all my time and energy is spent with my son, not that its a bad thing but as a mom you need at least a hour.
a way i felt that helps is we have family watch him over night every few weeks. or have someone watch him for the day so i can relax... or maybe try hiring help for a hour or two a day or every other day just so you can take a longer shower or nap...and about the nap thing. my son does the same exact thing. yesterday he took maybe 2 or 3 10-20 min naps... today so far he has taken 3 naps one was a hour the second was 30 mins and now he has been asleep for 45min... i am not sure how to work out a schedule... were trying though...

Keep up the good work, its tough being a mom but very rewarding. hang in there and keep faith
god bless

Answer 3

I feel for ya...I to am in a crazy live mode right now too. My husband is deployed overseas and we have 3 boys 8, 6. and 3 plus I am 8 months pregnant with our baby. No family here and friends who are also busy people.

My best way to cope is I have figured out that not everything is gonna get done. Sometimes I don't get the vacuming or dishes done. Sometimes I but off bathes till the next night. Anything just to get though the day. I make sure to find time for myself anyway I can. My older kids are in school so every now and then my 3 year old goes to daycare for 3-4 hours and I do something for myself like go get my nails done.

If some how you and your family can find a way to make some free time for mommy I really think this will help you. Also the good news is most children become a little more less needy shortly after they are 1 so maybe start looking forward to that too!! This will get easier someday.

Answer 4

Just remember when you die your head stone will not say- "Women with the cleanest house". You are a Damn Good Mother, never let anyone tell you otherwise. Here are a few suggestions.
1. Nothing ever has to be done perfect.
2. Try putting baby to bed later so you can sleep a little longer
3. Put your baby in a stationary device while you are in the shower so you can watch while taking your time in the shower.
4. Make time for yourself!!! i.e. take a few classes at a local college, while baby is with a sitter.
5. Keep in touch with the world
6. Crock pot dinners are clutch
It is rough being a new mother. I have a baby the same age and I totally understand what you are going through. Keep a good sense of humor, and keep in mind your baby can detect negative emotions. Have fun on your vacation

Answer 5

I know exactly how you feel... but it is a part of motherhood. My daughter is now 2 1/2 and I still feel that way from time to time. I work part-time (one or two days a week) as well as go to school full time and take care of house, baby and hubby... It's hard not to feel isolated when you set around the house with a cranky baby and no one to talk to... coupled with the fact that my family lived eight hours away (three now for the past year), so I had no one to help me.

My best advice that I can give is to try to make it fun. Your son is only going to be a baby once and one day you will miss the days when he was so little and cuddly. I'm not trying to be mean, but your child never asked to be born and it's your responsibility to take care of him... and take care of YOURSELF so that you can take care of him.

If there's no way to take a break once in a while (friends, family that could watch him) then try to take some time for yourself while he's asleep. Paint your nails, take a bath, etc... When he's awake, forget about the housework, cooking, chores... everything else you have to do... it can wait. Take the baby for a walk, show him something new (a leaf, a rock, a frog, etc)... Your child is going to be inseperable from you for a long time, so you're going to have to find a way to take the stress level WAY down.

Best wishes and good luck with everything! And know that nothing lasts forever, the hard times will eventually be over.

Answer 6

God bless you sweetie.

It will be even more exhausting for you at first, but you could try keeping him awake later at night. Actually, that's something your husband could do for you. It will be tiresome trying to keep him awake later, but if you can keep him up later....just try for an hour or even 45 minutes and then get him up at the regular time in the morning, maybe he'll be tired enough to take a longer nap during the day. When he does take a nap, you could take one too. You need to recover some of your stamina before you worry so much about the house cleaning.

Do you have a friend or family member who can help you out sometimes? Also, I have to ask. Do you pick him up every time he cries or screams in order to get him quiet? If you do, you've been teaching him that screaming gets results. I'm not saying that you shouldn't check on him and make sure he's not hungry or needing a change, but you can put him in the playpen and do what you need to do. I know it's HARD, but it's the only way he'll learn not to scream for everything. I had a friend who went through that. They had a child that screamed and screamed until his mother came and picked him up. This went on until he was two years old. Finally, her husband forced her to not go pick him up. He screamed for a long time and then quit and never did it again. He turned into a smiling, giggling little boy. (-:

Does your community have a Mothers Day Out program? You should try to find out. If not, maybe you could meet some other mothers and you could take turns watching kids, so each of you could get some rest or get out of the house.

Answer 7

You should try to make a routine, if you can. The best thing for you to do is take a nap when they do for an extra energy boost. Stay healthy, exercise, take vitamins, eat right. You may even want to go to bed early to get more rest after the baby has gone to sleep. Maybe your husband would be willing to take care of the baby for a few hours while you go out shopping some day. Try finding a babysitter that is reliable. Maybe a grandma, sister, something. Take time to play with your baby too, and to go outside with him. When my son was that age he absolutely loved Barney - the Dinosaur. Get a video with music and fun things in it for him to watch. T.V. and taking rides can make them a little sleepy. Don't give up, it will get easier!!!

Answer 8

Take him out and do things. My daughter use to fall asleep on the way home in the car a be out for two hours. Do the stuff you need to do like taking a shower or relaxing after he goes to sleep. My best advice would be to find a parent with a kid around the same age so the kids could get to know each other. As you develop trust for that person, start taking her kid for one day and then have her take your son for one day during the week. Also it would be a good way to do things with her and get you out of the house with your son.

Answer 9

Welcome to motherhood, the toughest job in the world that you don't get paid for! Although your situation is very, very ruff, it is also the same situation that millions of mothers around the world are in as well. I have a friend that is a mom of 5 children and works as a RN full time! ( ages 11,8, 6, 3,& 1 )! Now that is a mom that is BURNT OUT! Be thankful that you are not in her shoes! We women are tuff, we can handle it. There are times when we all deserve breaks. But when we signed on to become moms, we signed on for what you and many other mothers go through, doing everything ourselves.
Try sitting your husband down and telling him about how you you feel. You deserve a break! Put your foot down. It is not fair to you. Do you have any sisters', grandmothers' that can baby sit for you? I wish you the best of luck! take Care

Answer 10

I have a 26-month old and I honestly don't know what to tell you other than it will get better. Hang in there. If you're financially able to, consider putting him in daycare one day a week. I was absolutely against day care for my daughter- I was terrified to leave her with anyone. I've recently started leaving her with a lady I know for a few hours a week, and she really enjoys it. It helps their social skills- plus it'll give you a break. Also, check with local churches. Around here, a lot of churches offer "Mothers Morning Out" programs. 2 or 3 days a week, about 3-4 hours a day, nurseries at churches offer childcare for not much money (the average cost around here is around $75 a week) The programs are great- they offer outside playtime, creative activities, etc. Hope this helps.