Okay here we go my husband & I have been fighting for some time now and I do not know what to do anymore. We have lived with my family our entire marriage and that has been very hard on the both of us. I know that it has been very hard on me. No privacy, no nothing. The fights were always over small things that turned into big things and we both had a hard time letting things go. Long story short our arguing snowballed and got my husband into some legal trouble. We now do not live together, he lives with his friends and I live with my family (which is unbearable). I am getting my own place soon, but he is not moving in with me. Every time I ask him what he wants to do about our marriage he tells me that he doesn’t know. I’ll ask him if he wants a divorce and he tells me no, but then again he is not willing to move in with me and work on making us better. I do not want to lose him and I want to be with him, I just wish I knew what wanted to do.
2007-03-26 09:01:23 · 8 answers · asked by Neenanine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hhhhmmm!!! that is a very difficult one. I suggest you try counseling. Do not go to a friend...find someone mutual like a pastor from a church not within your community.
Also, men have their egos....suggest that you guys get a place TOGETHER. If he moves into your place, its kind of like the same thing. Now he'll have to live by your rules.
Sometimes we "women" need to watch our mouth......even if we're right.
2007-03-26 09:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is kinda hard because you are in one position that seems to be different from his.
You want to be with him, you don’t want to loose him and want to give you matrimony a real try by moving into a place of your own, but he is not sure of what he wants.
Now, you have many things you can do. The first one is to move out. Once you do this, relax, and try to find some peace with yourself in your new place. Try to forget about him, that you are married, your family, everything! Concentrate on yourself. Do what you like to do, and enjoy being “single”.
To do this, you need to reset your mind, and give yourself a break. Call your husband and tell him what you are planning to do. I’m sure he is going to ask for how long, and you just say “I don’t know” just like he tells you.
Since you want him to be with you, you can be nice and ask him again if he would like to try moving in with you. And if you think he might thing you just want to use him for the money to pay for the new place then tell him he doesn’t have to give money, just to contribute whatever he wants/can or just pay for his own food, in other words, money is not the issue.
If he accepts to move in, then you are set, and will not start a process to rebuild your matrimony. Otherwise, then tell him you will be by yourself for a while, and that’s it.
As you are alone, think about everything and what is it that you would like to do with your life and your marriage. Whenever you feel ready to talk to him, call him (if he hasn’t called you first) and get together to talk.
Just give him his options, which are simple enough. He can’t be married and living separately just because he doesn’t know what to do. It is clear that if you marry someone, you two need to live together. Period. Otherwise, matrimony is fake, and a divorce will take place.
He must understand this, and take a decision. You can always ask him to make a decision right away, but you risk for both of you to be under pressure and make a wrong move. This is the reason I am suggesting to take a small brake. You can always suggest him to do the same. If you are honest with him, and let him know you want ot be with him, and that you both should take a small brake (could be days or weeks) and think about everything and try to make some important decisions.
Hopefully, he will accept to give it a try, and you two can try to work things out. Otherwise, you are better off divorcing him. You can’t expect to live the rest of your life being married and living separately.
Good luck. And please, if you have the chance, and you both agree, make love all night long in the new place. You two might come out of it like new.
2007-03-26 16:34:27 · answer #2 · answered by Dan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move out yet. GO away for a long weekend and then make sure to come home late every night for two weeks. A friend did this and her marriage turned around right away.
2007-03-26 16:07:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask!
Instead talk to him like the friend you were, and married!
This could be a big break either positive or negative, but you both need to decide witch one!
2007-03-26 16:08:42 · answer #4 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has made it clear that he doesnt want you and he is most likely screwing around or he would be there. get a divorce and move on, sorry to be so blunt but thats where i just came from in my last relationship.........
2007-03-26 16:18:48 · answer #5 · answered by sweetinjection 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first get your own place (should have done that a long time ago) then see just where things go
2007-03-26 16:07:31 · answer #6 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need marriage counselling.
2007-03-26 16:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you need a split from each other for a little while... :D
2007-03-26 16:05:27 · answer #8 · answered by Forlorn Hope - returned 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋