My gf cheated on me last year, i took her back but the problem is the love i had for her is not the same anymore. Do you think that it would be unfair if i leave her now, seeing as its a year on after she cheated?
2007-03-26 08:58:57 · 40 answers · asked by frankie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
nope, I would never give a 2nd chance...i would be long gone
adios mi amigo
2007-03-26 09:02:35 · answer #1 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
nobody who hasn't dealt with the experience can tell you anything. almost 100% of all people (married or not) would tell you they would leave. The fact is over 50% of people who experience that stay and give it a chance. Over 80% of them stay together provided thay can talk about it and work through it.
That being said....
My wife of 10 years at the time had a brief affair. I take some responsibility for it now because the truth is I wasn't really happy and I was actively looking for something which in turn made her feel I wasn't into her anymore. Can you look back at yourself and honestly say you didn't have a part in the affair? I'm sure you didn't put her in bed with someone else just as I didn't but did you create an environment that made it possible?
It's been seven years and there are times I get really down about it and it's not easy. My mother in law told me at the time that it will never go away...it will get less frequent but it will always be there. Seven years later I can say she was 100% right...it still hasn't gone away.
I was with her for 13 years at that point and we had 3 kids and a lot of history. Prior to that I would have said with 100% conviction that I would leave and never look back but I was wrong. You can't know until it happens to you what you would do. You need to decide if you love her...does she really love you? Do you love her enough to move past what happened? In my opinion, if we had no kids and weren't married I think it would have gone differently but I can't say for sure because I loved her before we were married.
2007-03-26 09:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by Michael C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You'd be quite right to leave her as the love isn't the same anymore, and no wonder. If it's still on your mind, then i don't think you'll ever be able to truely forget about what she did. I once went out with this guy years ago and went into the local petrol station late one night, to find him and the big fat woman from behind the counter going at it like the hammers of hell on the floor. I dumped him and was so angry. Once someone has cheated on you, there's no way back and things will never be the same again i don't think. My advice would be to tell her that you just can't get it out of your head and that it's too much to bear. Get rid.
2007-03-26 10:13:54 · answer #3 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope.. I think you should leave.. It's no good staying and making your and her life miserable when you no longer love her in the way you think you should.
When doubts creep in it's usually an indication that it's time to act on them..
Be honest with her, tell her why you feel like you do if you can explain it.. although she cheated she still deserves an explanation since you've been back together for so long..
Perhaps you should take a break from each other and re-evaluate your feelings towards each other.. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say, so if you feel differently later on then perhaps you can start again with a clean page... if not move on and let her do the same.
Good luck..
2007-03-27 07:33:50 · answer #4 · answered by Britlass 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me being a female who was cheated on in the past, has learned that you just cannot get back what you had with that person prior to the cheating. Cheating is the ultimate betrayl of trust and once that's gone, what is the point of being in that relationship. I know it's hard, but if you are not feeling the same and are contemplating leaving the relationship, you should. Don't miss out on meeting the love of your life to stay in a relationship because you feel like you should. Also, not everyone cheats so if they cheat once, they will again.
2007-03-26 09:10:18 · answer #5 · answered by tkeppers 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You took her back so you must have forgiven but cannot forget, just because she cheated on you last year does not seem fair that you leave her now you should not have taken her back, however if you are so unhappy talk it through the pair of you and try to reach a mutual decision, you may find that as soon as you leave you have made a mistake and she won't have you back be very careful and best of luck
2007-03-29 09:28:17 · answer #6 · answered by decrepid1958 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Answer to your question is unfortunately no under any circumstances, first you much be unsure yourself to put this question public. If she cheated once its obvious the trust and respect must go. You have to ask urself if she did this once could she possibly do this again. Also if she wanted to stay with friends for a weekend would you be worried that she may be lying. In a relationship respect is the most solid foundation to build a relationship that would last. My advice is dont feel guilty if u want to finish it would be more cruel to stay if you believe in ur heart that the trust is gone. Good Luck whatever u decide to do but think long and hard about longterm.
2007-03-27 08:40:10 · answer #7 · answered by Mary l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first time my husband cheated on me I gave him a second chance,the second time I gave him divorce papers.Once a cheat always a cheat.Don't do it she'll only hurt you again and if the love isn't the same,you're not being fair to yourself.Move on and find a new girl.
2007-03-26 10:05:38 · answer #8 · answered by Evieluck 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on the circumstances, you have tried but failed to put it aside, i do really believe in second chances because we all make mistakes however you sound as though the love has been tainted too much, if this is the case....then go with your heart............if you still love her but are afraid that she could hurt you again then please tell her how you feel and you may be able to work it out.....after all you have made the last year and assuming she has given you no reason (other than the memory of the cheating) then work at it.
2007-03-26 09:11:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its very difficult to overcome something like that, and I can tell you that because I've been there. You're absolutely right, things are never the same after an event like that. There will always be a before and an after.
Only you can answer that question. Do you really think you can be with her and truly forgive her for what she did? Can you really forget what happened?
I'm afraid no one can answer that question, but you.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 09:33:40 · answer #10 · answered by Sesoid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The relationship can never be the same again. I'd never stay with someone that cheated on me and i never go back to an old girlfriend. There was problems for her to cheat/breakup on you, And sadly there still be there. Hope you can move on.
2007-03-26 09:05:41 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋