I hate my life?

Question

I hate my life. I've made all the wrong choices and wasted my youth. I'm nearly 23 and have suffered from low self-esteem my entire life. I have no friends and live in an isolated area with my emotionally abusive mother. To top it off,i've got 20k in student debt because i'm from a poor background and didn't even spend it on drink, clubbing, clothes, travel etc. I didn't have the courage to go to uni far away and went to one near by and stayed there just to get away from my horrible situtuation. I struggled through uni and didn't go out. Come summer i just sat indoors. It didn't even occur to me that there was more to life. I graduated and spent 6 months indoors looking for work as i lacked experience. I just want to move away but the financial implications frighten me. I'm also not very savvy for my age, i've been ripped off and only ever seem to encounter cruel, nasty people. I thought uni would be the best years of my life. I feel so low. I don't even know what career i want. Help!

I'm trying to be positive and put past behind me. It just feels like large chunks of my life are missing because i've been indoors. I'm going travelling this summer and hope to meet some new people. When i get back i'm going to move out and get a decent job and stop moaning. It's just that right now i have to stay put to save money. Being in an isolated area does not help though. I've learn't not to listen to others (especially my mother who put pressure on me to suceedbut it's my life and she couldn't give a damn about my suffering as she is too busy suffering hers but that's her journey not mine), make decisions and stop relying on others to help me. I realise now that i have a problem

i just accepted the fact that i had no friends and it didn't occur to me that i was missing out on anything untill i realised that i lacked social skills.

By the way, thanks for all our replies. They are much appreciated. I'm glad i got this off my chest :-)

I just feel like i've missed out on so much, especially with my social life and friendsships. Never having any friends has meant that i have no self worth. Even my sister rips me off but she has always had friends and is savvy. I was struggling as a student and she took my money and never paid me back and went and had her fun. I've just sat indoors my whole life and watched her have fun. I've never seen the world but she has. She's just done it again to me because she knows i've got a job. But i won't have anything. I'm worried i'm going to get to 30 and have no friends, career, no home. I already feel that i have missed opportunities just sitting indoors. I'm just going to be working to save for my pension mortgage etc and never had any fun.

Answer 1

There are many people who are disatified with there life and age is no barrier to that. Everybody has a path to travel and many times it can be lonley, my advice is to abit more selfish and start doing things to please yourself, not satisfy those around you, if you set yourself a goal and don't deviate from it, your self esteem will grow. Confidence brings positive energy, lack of confidence breeds negitive energy. As for feeling isolated, it's you that's isolating yourself, many people can be isolated no matter where they live, geography has nothing to do with it. it's the people your surronded by and the pressures your putting on yourself that are making you feel so low. Go away clear your head and think about what you want, not about what other people expect from you!

Answer 2

You are in a tough situation. These replies make getting out, paying off debt, finding a job, etc. seem like an easy thing. Like you just need to put on a happy face and do it. The fact of the matter is that you do need to do it, but it is going to be hard and take careful planning. There is a lot on your plate.

The mindset should not be "I can do it, no one can stop me", because that will be fleeting." It should be "this is my plan and this is what I am willing to sacrifice."

You need to map this out by judging things others in this forum can't, such as how taxing living at home, saving, and getting experience would be for a year vs. moving out now, incurring more debt, risk of not getting a job, etc.

Look on job forums and call temp agencies as the person in a previous post suggested. See what you would be able to make. Tell them you will relocate anywhere and see whats bites. You are not in a situation to move without a job in any event.

I would actually wait on the friends, but trying to network could be a good idea. You need to get your stuff together and be stable and then it will be easier to make friends and also be more worthwhile, as you might be leaving soon anyways.

The mental mindset should be subtle confidence and that will require some type of conditioning. When your self esteem is low, somehow trigger yourself back to a state of thought fullness and equilibrium. Basically, in the middle of overly confident and no confidence. Being overly confident will get killed way too easily and is not sustainable.

In summary, weigh everything, gather the hard numbers, measure the pain, be realistic, etc. Once you have your plan, follow it. This could take a few years, but preparing yourself mentally and knowing that you have thought this though for a long time will get you through.

Good luck and I am truly puling for you.

Answer 3

Boy are you singing my song! I'm 21 (22 this Thursday) and I have had a life full of choices that I would love to skate backwards and set on fire. I feel like I made all kinds of terrible choices and mistakes and now here I am, unable to go out and fully support myself and live on my own if I needed to.
But I'm answering your question because I have to tell you, you're not alone, and we are in our early twenties. EARLY TWENTIES!!! We have hope!
If you want to move out, go. There are places out there you can live and it may be hard for a while but there is a way to do what you want. How do you think people live on minimum wage? It CAN be done, it can be ugly, but it can be done! Don't forget about ways the government can help you out either, financial aid, food stamps, those kinds of things can be a blessing and a half. There are people out in the world who can help you, and yes there are cruel nasty people who swindle, but there are some great people out there who will help you. There are agencies like Kelly Services where it's a placement agency, and they have your resume on file and then they call you when they have a job given to their office witha position they need to fill, and then they call you in to do the job or they might send you for an interview and then you could get a full time job from there. Trust me, you don't have to have a lot of experience with a placement agency, I was a receptionist at a law firm because of Kelly Services a few years ago, right out of high school, and I was making BANK working there. They had a health plan and maternity leave and everything for just being the lady at the front desk!!! Just put yourself out there and get going. Don't hesitate or be afraid or you will stay scared and make even more stupid choices. Trust me, I'm married to someone who is emotionally unstable and abusive and we have a son. It's a hard situation.
Just take a deep breath, and remember you can always be worse off than you are, ALWAYS. Sit down and make some phone calls. See if there is a Kelly Services close to you or something else (like in Las Vegas there is the Allen agency, in chicago I've seen watson-dwyer, etc etc) just look around and see what people can help you with. Take your time deciding what you want to do for life - I'm still figuring it out - but in the meantime, you might as well make a living and learn to love where you are because if not you will always be miserable.

Answer 4

Your problem is not an uncommon one. What you need to do is just start going out more & try to meet some new people. You don't necessarily have to move far to feel like things are better. You could maybe just move to a different part of your city.

Try to be more critical of situations to avoid getting taken advantage of by the "cruel" & "nasty" people you mentioned. There will be a lot of people who are nice & friendly, but there are just as many people out there who will take advantage of you & rip you off. Be more careful! Learn to say no! It sounds like a simple thing, but saying "no" can be the difference between being ripped off or not.

Just because you have made some bad choices in the past that doesn't mean that you have to suffer for the rest of your life. Be strong & you will overcome! Anything is possible if you believe in yourself.

You may hate your life, but every person in this world has choices to make. Your choices are either you stay there in this crappy situation or you get up & take life by the throat & make it what YOU want it to be. The choice is yours! You're bound to make mistakes, but do not let those mistakes rule your life!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 5

Why don't you take some of that loan money and go on a trip somewhere. Anywhere. Go through a travel agency they can book some site seeing tours where other people will be on the tour with you. This is a way to be around other people safely. At least you'd have something in common with the tour people, they're there to site see (whatever place it is ) just like you. A travel agency could handle everything for you Tickets for plane or train. A cab if you need a ride to airport or train station; Hotel; Schedule you for tours etc. Go and do something fun for yourself. Start liking yourself. You have to love yourself first to be able to love anyone else. People can sense that you don't like youself.Take this opportunity to go and do things that you've always wanted to do. I know you're scared to go and do things by yourself or move away from a place where you've always lived, (that's you security blanket), but if you have everything already set up for you before you go, all you have to do is pack, get dress and go. Don't drive. Let a taxi pick you up and drop you off at the door. Ask your Travel agency for a place where there is more than one thhing to do or go on a site seeing tour. I've always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon. I'd like to go by train on a trip thru Alaska. You just ride, look at everything, eat and drink .You have a bed and everything. Check it out. Just go. Good luck . Have fun. Love yourself . Smile,laugh,and chill out.
(When you get back, get yourself a dog and a fun hobby. You can meet alot of chicks at the park when you walk your dog.)Besides, they make great companions and best friend.

Answer 6

Surround yourself with positive people; not the ones who say, "I'm just like you". Dig down deep and put on a positive demeanor. Stay away from those who want to tear you down, even if they're family. Find something you're good at and join a club. Chess, scrabble, softball, tic-tac-toe, ANYTHING. These are small steps that add up to big results.
You think your life is so terrible, but look at this: there are countless people who would give their right arm to go back to being 23 and having their whole life before them. You have to make the days count now! Don't let this go until you look back 30 years from now with regret. Let this be the catalyst that makes you appreciate the youth you have and make the most of it.

Answer 7

Someone call the WAAAAAAHBULANCE!!!

Seriously dude, the pity party needs to stop right here. If you went to university for a while, and paid attention and studied, you probably have the majority of the required coursework for any major completed. If you 'don't know what you want to be when you grow up', then join 90% of the human race.

You will meet some real pieces of sh*t throughout your life, but it is up to you to make sure that they don't get to you. If they want to spend their lives making people miserable, then f**k 'em.

If you sit around the house, then are surprised when you aren't succeeding, its time to set some priorities. Get a job - any job. Save some money, and get out on your own. It is scary - but once you start being self-reliant, it will make you feel much better.

Figure out what you need to do to get a degree. It doesn't necessarily have to be 'what you want to do'. Most degrees are just a piece of paper anyway - they get your foot in the door at a job so that you can attempt to impress them. A lot of jobs want someone with a degree, and don't even care what it is in, as long as you have one.

Noone ever said life would be easy, but hating your life won't get you anywhere. Get a hobby or something - get out and enjoy yourself from time to time. Don't always worry about succeeding in life - but like I said, get your priorities together, and don't let other people make you doubt yourself.

Answer 8

Get off the guilt trip, and make something out of your life. Go to church, meet people, bars and clubs will only get you into trouble. Take a job at a hotel, or fast food restaurant, there you can meet people also. Move on, dont dwell in the past. The past will only bring you down, and make you feel more depressed. Seek help, if your family and you dont get along, why still live there? Most people would agree with me saying this, move out. Theres always boarding rooms to stay at until you get back on your feet, and can stand with out a leaning post.

Answer 9

First you need to stop with this "BooHoo" attitude. There have been many people in worse childhood situations than yours that have stepped up and changed their life around. What do you think it is going to take to change your future for the better? There are no hand outs available so you need to understand you are in charge of your path in life so CHANGE IT!!! If you made good grades in school then get a job that is entry level. Find jobs online if you insist on staying indoors. Feel great about who you are and even better about who you can become.

If you continue to have a bad negative attitude then nothing is going to change. Concentrating on the past is only going to repeat it. Move on!!! Get mental help is you feel you need it. There are anti-depressants on the market these days for people in your situation.

Answer 10

You need to take a risk. Put up a little money so you can move. Start looking for work in other states so you have a job when you get there. Your low self esteem is a result of your mother and she is only dragging you down. You need to get away from her if you ever plan on being happy. I know it's scary but you need this! Good Luck.