I love my boyfriend but he is jealous, possessive, and insecure when it comes to trusting that I will be faithful to him. Honestly it feels like once a month I get accussed of cheating, flirting, or intending to flirt or cheat. I am so sick of it. I am starting to resent him because of the person he must think that I am. I have never cheated or flirted or had any interest in it. I love him and I am faithful. How can I make him see that he has a good women before he loses me? Is that impossible and he won't change?
2007-03-26 08:38:29 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I find myself looking at the floor when there are men around so I will not be accused of flirting. He checks the history on my cell phone and computer to make sure I am not talking to men. I find myself doubting the virtue of my heart and starting to question if I am in fact the "wh*re" that he says I am.
2007-03-26 08:57:00 · update #1
Thank you to all who answered this question with compassion and respect.
2007-03-27 04:04:33 · update #2
Honey, I am sorry for your situation but I can tell you from experience that he is not going to change as long as you are with him. You need to leave him. He may come around in the end but you need to accept the fact that there is a possibility that he won't. Also look at what his insecurities are doing to you. You deserve to be respected and he has no right to call you names especially ones so degrading as the one you described.
2007-03-26 14:49:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with him when things are calm. Tell him how much it hurts you and the relationship when he makes accusations and smothers you. Ask him if there is anything you can do to make him feel more secure in the relationship. If he doesn't have an answer or his requests are unreasonable....it will be clear to you that this is his problem. Either he gets help for his hang-ups or you walk. Sounds like he has some major self-esteem issues. It is possible he won't change....some men don't realize what they have or how silly they are until they lose someone special. Don't be with someone who tries to control you - it could easily turn into abuse.
2007-03-26 08:44:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have never given him any reason to doubt you, then the problem truly is his. He appears to be insecure and doesn't believe that he deserves you. If his behavior is ever going to change, he needs to do some serious personal growth work. On the other hand, you need to figure out what kind of man you want. Is his behavior a deal-breaker for you? Will this cause you to leave the relationship? If it will, you might as well end it before you have more time and energy invested.
2007-03-26 08:50:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice RUN!!!! It will not change Let me guess when you bring it up he'll stop for a while and start doing the same crap again? does he check your phone? does he go through your stuff> purse, phone, drawers, etc. does it get worse when he drinks? Mine has punched holes in the walls, and also says he has spoken to people I supposedly had an affair with. he's out of his mind bvecause I don't even know anyone by the name he is talking about! Oh he's also jelouse of" BOB" He has hidden "BOB" I've found him while cleaning, he's hidden photos I have and I've found them later. Cut to the chase I'm sending him his & day notice by certified mail today because he refuses to leave my house and the sherriff say that I have to do it this way because he has not hit me or been violent towards me. RUN RUN RUN!!!!! Is he keeping you away from your friends and family? does he give you such a hard time when you want to see them that you just give up? RUN RUN RUN!
2007-03-26 08:51:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Insecure people are just insecure. Does not matter who they date and they will usually not change.
My husband put me through that when we were having problems in our relationship. It offended me also, very much. The problem was that I was not cheating and he made me feel so horrible, I found myself wanting to hide things from him. Like going out with friends, who I talk to on the phone, etc.. .just so I wouldn't get grilled and the 3rd degree.
I never understood the phrase, "If I am going to get accused of it constantly, I might as well be doing it." until we went through that.
It wore off with tons of money thrown into counseling, but it is hard. Really hard...
Jealousy can ruin anything and quickly.... I would not deal with it for long, rarely does it get better... usually it gets worse.
Another thing you might want to look into is if he is cheating or considering it and thinking you might be doing it... if it is a new insecurity in him, that just popped up.
2007-03-26 08:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Steffi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, accept him for the person he is...he's not going to change and that sucks b/c he's probably that way based on his past relationships. Speaking from experience, get out of there now, before it gets worse! If you stay, not only will you resent him, but you'll resent the person you became for him. It's obvious you are not happy...any why would anyone want to be in a relationship where they are not happy???
Let that psycho move on b/c he has low self-esteem and he needs to learn that he is the only one that can fix it...not you!
2007-03-26 08:53:59 · answer #6 · answered by Fireanddesir 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most people act like that because they are the ones who have done the cheating. he could be grooming you so he can start slapping you around too. you need to tell him that you have never cheated, and that you resent the fact that he always thinks you do. and let him know that if thats how he really feels, he needs to go find someone that he can trust. because if what you say is true, the problem is with him not you.
2007-03-26 08:44:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough spot you are in- He will not change unless you do something. Sit him down, look him in the eye and calmly say to him- Baby I love you, I am commited to you- I dont have any intentions to cheat or flirt. You have to trust me because if you cant trust me then I cannot be with you. If you love me, trust me and know that I am here for you....
If he still doesnt understand, then maybe he will understand after you throw in the towel and leave....
Being possesive and jealous is not cool....he needs to know that.
Good luck!
2007-03-26 08:43:59 · answer #8 · answered by Venus 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is to talk to him about how his insecurities are affecting you. Let him know you understand the possessiveness comes from his love for you, and the insecurity of losing you. But that this behavior will only push you away. If he loves you, he should trust you. If he can't do that, it may be best for both of you to end the relationship.
Good luck! :)
2007-03-26 08:49:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he got burned and now is distrustful....and I am not sure that level of jealousy can change. Sit him down and tell him just like you told us, "How can I make you see that you have a good woman before you lose me?". Maybe if he sees you are seriously considering NOT being with him because of his unreasonable possesiveness, he will pull the proverbial head out....if not, move on. Because possesive boyfriends turn into possesive, jealous potentially dangerous husbands.
2007-03-26 08:45:29 · answer #10 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋