my fiancee has done the one thing that i have asked him time and time again not to do. no, it's not cheating...though the pain is the same. (i hate both the same) he's lied to me about it, his friends have snitched him out, i have busted him...it just keeps going. he's the father of my kids and i really do love him. i'm really scared that i won't ever trust him going out with his friends again. i really have not betrayed him in such a manner to deserve this. we're supposed to be getting married this year, i seem to be having doubts. due to the betrayal i've encountered. any advice to help me trust him?
2007-03-26 08:30:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
look seriously, he really didn't cheat on me!!! oh and no he's really not addicted to porn!!! it's not that i have a problem that with him hanging out with his friends, i don't like what they do together. nothing like strip-clubs it's a drug...it's just that i love him and i've seen what it can do. i don't want to see him or us go down like that. i've been there and done that. (not by choice.mom's choice) so those of you who think that i have low self esteem, for the record it's for the well being of my children. i am worried about our future.
2007-03-26 09:17:56 · update #1
Regardless of what it is that he has done....he LIED about it. He DECEIVED you, he HID the truth, not to mention he did something you specifically asked him not to do.....and you should forgive that behavior WHY? I am sorry, but when a person lies to the person whom they say they want to marry, the person whom they want to be committed to for life, the person whom they say they love, they will lie to anyone... Here is the problem, there is no trust between the two of you....
Not only does he not trust you enough to tell you the truth and face up to the consequences for his actions.....you can never fully trust him because of the betrayal.
Forgiving will be a lot easier than forgetting. You will always wonder, if he is telling you the truth. Trust and communication are the two keys to a successful relationship. Without them, you really don't have a very committed relationship. I would find it hard to forgive and I would NEVER forget. I discourage you from marrying him and I definitely do NOT think you should have any more kids with him.
Don't spend a large portion of your life with a liar only to find out you wasted your life believing in a relationship that was not real, it was only what he wanted you to believe and because of the children you believed the lies or because you wanted to-you stayed...trying to make it better.
I speak from experience, hope my words have been helpful.
2007-03-26 09:10:49 · answer #1 · answered by deb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A disciple once asked Jesus if he should forgive his brother the 7 times Jewish law prescribed. Jesus answered by saying he should forgive 70 X 7, or a limitless number of times.
I think you need to find out what true love really is and isn't. Read in the Bible I Corinthians 13 "The Love Chapter" where it says love is patient and kind and seeks not its own way at the expense of others. It isn't boastful or proud and always believes in the positive. This love is such that it will gladly give its own life to save the life of another. It says of faith, hope and love that the greatest is love. It is this kind of love that kept my wife and I married for over 28 years. If you don't have this kind of love, both of you need to develop it before you get married. If you don't develop it, I dare say that there is little chance that your marriage will succeed for very long. I suggest that you both find a Bible believing church to attend and talk to the pastor there or get a professional counselor to help you with this before it is too late.
2007-03-26 08:53:26 · answer #2 · answered by Captain Cupcake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember the quote "loving means never having to say you're sorry"?..if he has cheated on you repeatedly when you weren't even married I don't think hes going to get any better when you are..in fact its only going to make him act out more, sorry honey but some people just cant be changed, you have to realize this and be strong enough for your children and yourself to let go and find someone who will love you guys completely and not hurt you. Best of luck.
2007-03-26 08:43:36 · answer #3 · answered by Diana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are looking into your future. Is this the way you are choosing to live the rest of your life?
There was a study done of older women that had lived their whole lives putting up with this behavior and the husbands they had allowed to get by with it. When the men were interviewed and asked why they continued to do it. The universal answer was because I could.
Think about it.
2007-03-26 08:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by Cinna 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, without knowing what he did, it's hard to give you advice on the situation. You can tell me privately if you want. You can send an email. My fiancee has done the same thing- lied about stuff. Good Luck
2007-03-26 08:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by PNJ T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all .dont take it personally.If he doesnt want or feel the need to change,then,he wont.If its something like porn he's involved then,hes gonna want to change because unless he does,he wont.,Dont fall for the addiction or I cant help myself.Im sorry to say but these are his issues,he owns them and the only thing you can do is stand back,look honestly and have a heart to heart talk.This is no different then cheating.Now your issue is to make the deccision live with it and accept it or ultimative.My daughter went through this and 11 years later he still was doing it.finally their marriage ended.Its ineveitable if you arent going to stand for it and he doesnt want to change.
2007-03-26 08:44:38 · answer #6 · answered by dlbonhomme 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your reaction should be based on how bad the thing he's doing. I mean if he is cheating you won't be asking this question today, but when it's something else, it depends.
Either ways, you should make it clear to him that you resent his ignorance to what you feel and it just doesn't make things get better, only worse. Tell him what he does that you don't like and you don't accept it anymore and won't put up with it.
Talk to him.
2007-03-26 08:38:11 · answer #7 · answered by peachy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer comprehend if i will have faith back the guy who injury me. I constantly understand that forgiveness isn't an journey. that's a technique.It would not take place over night. If i hit upon myself feeling unforgivness in direction of somebody, I attempt to no longer combat the sensation of unforgivness.The mentality of "forgive and forget approximately" would not enable for a severe introspection into ourselves denies us the liberty to sense the soreness we sense and be who we are. It denies us the liberty to be ourselves . All in all, "denying your self" is extra approximately denying the soreness we sense for our loss and pretending which you're comfortable with the guy who has wronged you because of fact that's the "good Christian" element to do. I say sense the soreness. do no longer combat it... i've got faith while we do this; instead of forcing ourselves to forgive and pretend each little thing is positive, we hit upon ourselves forgiving with out attempt. purely my concept.
2016-10-20 12:05:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes it takes time lots and lots of time to let go of the hurt others have caused you and sometimes its just not like that, sometimes no matter how many times he says hell change ull never let it go bc ur waitinf for the dissapointment, i nko the situation ur in is hard but maybe its time to lt go...he can still be the father of ur children without u guys being together....sometimes no matter how hard u try ur mind wont let u let go of all the hurt and just forgive him
i kno its hard, but it happens sometimes, maybe its god sending u a sign to not stay with him b4 u get married and it gets even more complicated
2007-03-26 08:42:29 · answer #9 · answered by serialshopper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO! Are you serious? Trust someone who lies and cheats on you. Sounds like you need to get some help for yourself..... It is so hard for me to believe people think so low of themselves that they would even remotely put up with that.
2007-03-26 08:34:53 · answer #10 · answered by Mechelle B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋