I have been married for 20 years and I am a stay at home mom.I have 5 childeren.Twin girls 17,2 boys 15,13 and 1 11 old girl.We have a great house, life and my husband is great.The problem is now that most of the kids are grown.I have decided to take a couple of classes.Pottery and a art hist class.I spoke with the kids and wrote down instr for laundry etc.I still am there to cook and clean and spent time with them, I only ask for a couple of hours ,they seem to resent me for that.when I am doing something for school one of them will ask me to make a sandwich and if I refuse they tell me I dont want to do anything for them anymore.We discussed this as a family and my husband was on my side.But the kids are always making me feel guilty.And I will not leave the mess in the living room.I thought I had done all the right things being a good mom.But they dont want me to do anything but cater to them.I have talked to them and I dont know what to do.thanks for any ideas.
2007-03-26 08:22:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Tough love.....Now that they are older they can do for themselves (for the most part). The next time each of them ask you for a ride or even for that sandwich, instead of responding NO, tell them you would be more than willing to help them out when they are willing to help you out by being responsilbe. Cut off money sources too, make them earn it or you will regret their irresponsibility later. You love them, you know that, now teach them tough love, yes they will be mad at you but they will in adulthood appreciate you for it as long as you don't abandon them as their mother (advice, and an ear to listen to when needed) your are their mother, not their maid or servent and they need to learn that or 1. your boys will treat their wives as such and have a lousy marriage, and 2. your daughters will either do such to their husbands or allow them to be treated as nothing but servents.
Good luck
2007-03-26 09:42:15 · answer #1 · answered by 20+ years and still in-love! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The chores should have started when they were younger - there's 5 of them and they should have no problems picking up the house, doing laundry, etc if they all worked together. Don't feel bad because you finally have some "you" time, the kids are just being kids. Put your 17 yr olds in charge and tell them that if things don't get better and they all don't stop complaining, then privilages will get taken away, starting with the oldest. I bet those kids'll start moving. You sound like a really nice woman but it's time to teach them those responsibilities, or else think of when they get to be on their own? The'll fall on their faces if they don't realize how important it is to take care of those things.
2007-03-26 15:28:49 · answer #2 · answered by HappilyEverAfter 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well it could be one of two things. The first is that they are just spoiled and too lazy to do for themselves. The second is they resent the time you are taking for yourself because they are used to mom always being there and sometimes change (even positive change) can be hard on kids. I would suggest all of you sitting down (including your husband) and explain to them that it is your time now to do some things for yourself but that you still love them and will continue to be there for them but that they are going to have to step up to the plate a little bit. Remind them that they are old enough to make their own sandwich and if they continue to ignore your specific requests with laundry, etc....then ground ALL of them for one day until they get the hint. Good luck and congrats on your classes-you deserve it after raising 5 kids!
2007-03-26 15:31:14 · answer #3 · answered by Olivia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids need to be given chores to do when they are toddlers. Nothing major, just helping pick up and put away toys and clothes in the hamper. Add to that later setting the table, and running a small sweeper. Make their beds and keep their rooms tidy, get their own snacks, and clean up after themselves. If you have done everything for them all this time, they are spoiled and are re-acting to no longer having you at their beck and call. If they do not comply with your requests, as these are in no way unreasonable, ignore them and go your way. No not give in to the pressure and attitudes they are giving you. Nor, go on the guilt trip that they are trying to take you. If they find out you are not going to cave in to their every whim, they will begin to adjust. Have them start helping you with dinner, and some other chores around the house. It isn't going to hurt them, and they will learn how to take care of themselves after they have moved out of your hours.
2007-03-26 15:31:07 · answer #4 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the 11 year old can not make a sandwich, it is past due to teach her, and to tell everyone an education is important to you, also, and you feel a need to go to classes. Some adults just simply need the change. I have taken classes, off and on, for about 40 years! I start another course, april 9th.
2007-03-26 15:28:58 · answer #5 · answered by Steve C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So far, you have teenagers at home who resent you being not at home, because you have things to do or take care of other than them.
This is like the very typical teenagers' reaction.
You should try to make them understand you are not cleaning for them anymore and that they can handle their own wash and food and whatsoever.
They are making you feel guilty to get what they want. They are smart. Don't fall for that and force them to do their work the indirect way, when they find there is nothing to wear, they will wash their own clothes.
2007-03-26 15:30:16 · answer #6 · answered by peachy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason they want you to cater to them, is because it sounds like that's what you've always done. I don't get the mentality of parents that don't start with kids at a young age and have them help around the house. My sons (age 11 & 7)have chores they do everyday. The problem is we're raising a generation of lazy kids that have had everything handed to them, and that's going to carry over to their adult lives. My only advice is to stick to it and get tough, or continue to do everything for them and don't gripe. When you raise kids to be pampered little darlings, that's how they're going to behave.
2007-03-26 16:46:01 · answer #7 · answered by scbettyboop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds to me as though they are just being typical teenagers and seeing how far they can push the boundaries with you. don't let them over power you and your husband otherwise they will think they're in control. You and your husband are the ones that should be in control. i know its hard to try and find a balance with your children but if they want respect from you then they have to give respect back and that includes helping round the house. they're old enough to do so. take control of them before they get there first. discipline but in a way that they understand. hope this helps.
2007-03-26 15:30:28 · answer #8 · answered by jellybaby1977 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! My kiddos are the same way!!! But you know what? I have started this thing that on Sundays, its cleaning day and if they dont get moving within 15 minutes to what I tell them, I start yelling like a drill sgt. and turn off all the tvs , computers,phones and collect their cell phones. Believe me, they move!! We had a relative come over this past weekend and she joked about how I had them TRAINED. I do not have my kids trained, I am just sick and tired over my head on how they take me for granted. Whos gonna clean for them when they are married and grown? Sure as hell not me!!!!
2007-03-26 15:56:26 · answer #9 · answered by Blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you've done everything for so long your kids didn't learn their share of responsibility about the house.
Don't let them make you feel guilty you've done your part of being the good mommy and doing it all for them.
Looks like your kids might be spoiled and getting them to do something now is going to be like pulling some teeth.
Good Luck!
2007-03-26 15:28:53 · answer #10 · answered by Valentina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋