Secondary School Bullying!!!?

Question

I have a serious problem - my daughter had to be collected from her secondary school today - she is 13 - she was being abused and taunted at Lunch time by not only the bullys but her friends joined in too - she is devastated and has told me if I send her back she will kill herself. All girls can be bitchy I know and my daughter is probably no angel but she has strong morals and is always the one standing up for everyone else - why did all her friends turn their back on her and what do I do?

She is a lovely girl, kind, pretty and not at all nasty or unkind, the girls bullying her are very popular (with the boys!!) but nasty and spiteful. I have contacted the school and they think it can be resolved with them all sitting down talking - I don't agree - PLEASE HELP.......

Answer 1

Give the girl a hug from me! What a rotton lot teenagers can be. If she can get through this it will be a great lesson in life. I dont think you can entertain changing schools at the first sign of trouble. Life can be tough and you just have to be a little bit tougher!! If your daughter learns that if things get a bit uncomfortable you will move her, she wont learn the coping skills she will need in life. If you have given the school a fair chance and equiped your daughter to deal with the grief and things dont then improve a move may well be in order.

Girls can be very catty. Her friends probably scared to stick up for her, and be in the minority - hope they feel wretched tonight!

Answer 2

Sitting down and talking with everyone may not resolve the problem, but it's an important first step. It's important that everyone is on board and understands what's going on -- this includes the parents of the bullies (which is what your daughter's so-called friends are). No one has to be best friends again, but the bullies have to understand they must leave your daughter alone. It's possible the bullies' parents have no idea what little snots their children are and will help you to end the situation once they do know.

If the bullies understand there are ramifications for their actions -- detention, suspension, etc. -- it might persuade them to back off. If not, there are always legal consequences. If these students persist in bullying your daughter, talk to the local police and see if it violates harassment laws. Having the police knock on your door can be a real wake-up call when you're 13, I'm sure.

In the meantime, stress to your daughter that she is not the problem here: All fault lies with the bullies. Bullying is a sign of insecurity, and it will continue as long as your daughter reacts to it. Encourage your daughter to enroll in after-school and community activities where she can meet new people and rebuild her social life. Maybe she should take up self-defense to boost her confidence and make her feel she can handle anything they throw at her.

Tell her she'll have the last laugh over the bullies by moving on with her life and coming out on top. We both know that this won't matter in 10 years time; it's important to get your daughter to that stage, too.

Answer 3

I know this may sound excessive but,If your daughter was physically hit by another student on school grounds you can fill out police report.There is nothing a principle hates more is to involve police.You have to be prepared to do the distance for you child.You need to keep records of everything and make sure you get things in writing.Try to get in contact with the school AIO area instruction officer these are basically the principles bosses to discuss your options.If you decide to meet with the other parents ask that all parents come that means mom and dad whoever is responsible financially.If these kids are making your child afraid to come to school the school would have to make arrangements for you child to attend another school and possibly provide transportation.I volunteer for Chicago public schools as a parent advocate so I work with a lot of parents to resolve issues.I hate to say it but, the situation will probably get worse if you don't intervene now.Once the parents see what their little angels have been up to the bullying will cease.You could ask for a hard copy of their bullying policy.I should be included in their school improvement plan.

Answer 4

Give the school a chance, schools these days are very good at dealing with bullying. They are keen to be seen to be doing something and will most likely nip it in the bud.

Is there any chance that this has been going on for longer perhaps at a much lower level that your daughter could deal with/tollerate?

I know that this way of solving it sounds a bit happy clappy but it works. I think the perpetrators deserve some punishment though.

Could you talk to the parents of any of her friends? And let them know what has happened, not pointing fingers but just looking for support and asking them to ask their kids to help your girl.

If you're not happy with what school are doing make sure you let it be known and raise the game, go to the head and have a face to face meeting. If you're still not happy go to the LEA.

I think things will be ok in the end. Bullying is awful, I was bullied at school and now teach in a comprehensive. I've done well in life and i'm happy. I look at those who bullied me and the sad existance they have now, i think they knew and were jealous. Don't let them win. Keep your chip up and tell your daughter to keep hers up as well as staying safe.

It might be useful to have a look at some websites this one is great and has some good advice for you both http://www.bullying.co.uk/

EDIT: it is very soon to start talking about moving schools this should be a last resort

EDIT 2: Clive below is in some respects right, we do need to learn to deal with bullies but you MUST involve others and absolutly the school.

Answer 5

You do need to give the school a chance. They should have an anti-bullying policy in place with strategies designed to combat the kind of problems your daughter faced today.
If you're not happy afterwards, contact your parent governor and find out which governor has responsibility for anti-bullying measures and get them to intercede on your behalf, both to the school and Child Services.
Without placing your daughter in a stressful position for too long, you do need to give the school and your Child Services time to address the matter before seeking a placement at a different school.
I hope matters are resolved quickly and that your daughter can put this behind her.

Answer 6

A Give the schoola chance. They might have good explanations and bring in the second party so you can civilly talk about the problem
B Your daughter is only 13. Girls are srtill immature mentally at this age. Once people are in year 10 and 11 everyone is friends as they are more mature, that is my case anyway
C I know you may find this annoying but your daughter is likely to exagerate. She (i would not gather) kill herself. She may want a little attention from family and her peers. It definately works at my school.

Answer 7

This happens alot between children, and especially at that age. Trust me, you cant never really know who your friends are or not. Someone might be your friend for two or three years growing up an then turn on you JUST LIKE THAT. Kids can be really mean. You should what the school said, and if that dont work, then advise your daughter not to talk to that crowd. If anything else continues then you should warn the school that if they cant put a stop to this then you will remove her from school. Just remember that girls her age can be very emotional, so just try to be there for her if she needs to talk, and try to be supportive of her.

Answer 8

We had exactly the same problem with our 11 year-old granddaughter a few weeks ago and the school has been made aware of it. If your daughter can bring herself to ignore the taunts and not show any reaction to them, the bullies will lose interest. It worked for our granddaughter. Good luck.

Answer 9

I think that staff involvement and meetings are not the answer and neither is running away from the school. Your daughter (and most people) encounter bullies in both childhood and adult life and it is essential that she learn to deal with them at the earliest opportunity.
I suggest a long talk with your daughter and use your own experience to advise her how to stand up to these bullies without resorting to staff or parents.

Answer 10

Give the school a chance. Are they allowing you to be in the room, too?
Schools are very good at this - I don't know what it was all about - is it a long running thing?
This is horrible and if it doesn't go away, you will have to move her.