and found out later, after the fact that she had lied about her birth control use. While I am pro choice and feel as though abortion should continue to be a legal option for all women everywhere, i am not a supporter of abortion used as birth control. I would have still gone with her to help her with the before and after even if she had told me she had not used birth control. I am however very upset that she lied to me about using birth control, and even more so because now she has said that her boyfriend does not like condoms and neither does she. Should I tell her that I am angry with her for lying to me and that I feel, pro choice or not, that sex is a responsibility and she is horribly shirking her duty as a woman by NOT taking care of her health and safety they way she should, or should i keep my mouth shut and let it go?
Really not interested in the abortion = murder rhetoric so many of you like to spout off about. This question is not about abortion opinions.
2007-03-26 08:02:37 · 30 answers · asked by juniormintsrock 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I think you should definitely say something to her, since it sounds like she is still throwing herself into the same situation.
To me its almost as if she manipulated you into being there for her, instead of just relying on the fact that you are friends and you would have probably have been there for her.
I think the situation needs to be addressed just so she knows that her manipulative behavior will not be condoned in the future.
You sound mature, so I am assuming you both are adults, so she should be able to handle and respect your opinions and give you the same courtesy with hers.
2007-03-26 08:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're certainly entitled to your feelings and opinion about this. I feel the way you do concerning abortion, but I can see your point of view on your friend's behavior. Abortion and miscarriage are very difficult things to have to go thru and deal w/ from a woman's point of view, so I would just keep your opinion to yourself for the time being. She's probably going thru an extreme amount of guilt for a) feeling like a failure and b) for killing her child. If it hurt you that deeply, just gently tell her that you wish she had been open w/ you from the beginning about the lack of birth control use, so you could support her honestly! Let her know that while you don't believe she should use abortion as a method of birth control, you felt that you were betrayed b/c she didn't tell you the whole story until afterwards. Also reassure her that you are her friend and will support her w/ whatever decision she feels she needs to make for her own well-being, but she needs to be upfront and honest w/ you so you can continue to trust her. Abandoning her at this time would do nothing beneficial for her, but in time, let her know of your feelings. Good luck!
2007-03-26 08:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by sweet libra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a reason (medically speaking) why other forms of birth control are out of the question? Perhaps show her all the alternatives to condoms, even if they won't protect against STDs like a condom. You are most certainly justified in being upset at being lied to. You have every right to tell her so. Even abortion rights people will tell you that abortion is not a form of birth control. If she continues to use them as such, should could irreparably damage her body. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-26 08:12:05 · answer #3 · answered by duckygrl21 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should tell her how you feel, if only so that it doesnt happen again. If they are still having sex and not using contraception she could get pregnant again and soon. Repeated abortions are not good for her health and could hurt her chances of carrying to term later when she is ready for a family. You should also remind her that stds can be transmitted easily if she is not using a condom, is she willing to stake her life and health on the belief that her boyfriend will always be faithful, has her boyfriend even been tested for stds. And how will her future husband feel (assuming it isnt this current boyfriend that she ends up with) if she has had multiple abortions. She needs to realize that actions, even chosen actions, may have consequences that last a long time.
2007-03-26 08:12:01 · answer #4 · answered by greeneyedprincess 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you'd be upset. You feel betrayed because she lied to you. But she more than likely lied to you because she didn't want to be judged. She made a big mistake and hopefully it will not happen again. I think that maybe you should talk to her, in a non-judgmental way, if you have feelings of animosity towards her because if you don't it will slowly sour your friendship (I've been in your shoes before and allowed my unresolved frustration to distance me from a dear friend. I wish I would have talked to her, but I was angry that she was being irresponsible). For one, I would tell her about the IUD. Safe, effective and easy. If she's in a monogamous relationship than she can have sex without condoms and have effective, no-fuss birth control. Make her an appointment and go with her for that as well.
Best wishes.
2007-03-26 08:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to let your friend know how you feel. Just don't use it as a session to bash her. Make "I" statements. I was really disappointed to find out that you didn't quite give me all the facts about your birth control practices. I believe that men and women should practice safe and responsible sex i.e. condoms, birth control pills, etc.
Say whatever you want to say in a nonaccusatory fashion. Then say something like, I might not feel comfortable accompanying you in the future should you do something like this again. Then change the subject and move on cause you can't force her to change her ways.
2007-03-26 08:09:04 · answer #6 · answered by kathy s 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wait until she's back to health then tell her - nicely- next time not to lie to you.If she thought of you as good enough to go with her,then she should have respected you enough to be plain about things. In future,without throwing it in her face,tell her to be more proactive about responsible sex.
(Incidentally,I believe that abortion should be legal everywhere just to prevent backstreet butchery,but I don't like it as an option ).
Responsibility is always the most expensive option. If Mr Stud likes riding bareback,then he had better go get his tubes tied and also do our girl a favor by only riding in her pastures.
2007-03-26 08:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by Mimi U 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that there are many other forms of birth control other than condoms. However, condoms are the only thing that will protect against STDs. I hope you can talk some sense into her because I feel the same way you do.
2007-03-26 08:07:17 · answer #8 · answered by swishyvt 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Your positions on abortion have nothing to do with your love of your friend. You supported her during a difficult time, and that's what friends are for.
She probably lied because she is ashamed, which is a healthy response to what she did. You could ask her why she lied, and help her make another decision next time.
2007-03-26 08:12:37 · answer #9 · answered by RF 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes you should tell her. Although I disagree with your pro-choice staus I respect the fact that you dont think abortion should be used as birth control which it too often is. Its not cool for a friend to even lie to you esp. about something so serious. It was probably hard for you to be there for her in the first place and she shouldnt have disrespected you like that. Let me add while you said you dont want to hear that abortion=murder, it does. Sorry.
2007-03-26 08:07:05 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♫♥ Crystal ♥♫♥ 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋