My wife feels she can't be happy anywhere except with her mom.?

Question

Married 8 yrs, together 10. Children 1,5,7. about 8 yrs ago, we lived in a town with both of our mothers within a 30 minute drive. She had her mother/sister and other family there as well.
I was given a career opportunity which required a move about 7 hours away. I brought the opportunity to her and she agreed that moving would be a good decision for the family, and she had no concerns. 8 years and 3 children later, and now with her being dignosed bipolar, the issue about lliving so far from her family is ruining our marraige.
As of right now, she sees her family about 7-8 weeks out of the year. And she also tells me I am a great husband and father, but she also says that I am not enough and that the only way she will ever be happy is if we move to the city where her mom lives. I do not want to give up everything especially since she visits and talks to them plenty, i simply do not want to give everything up and risk being unhappy myself.
she doesnt put me first, never has.

I've done the pros/cons thing before. I've got her to sit down in a rational mood to discuss it, and it gets no-where.
I tell her my pros and cons...
My pros - none
My cons - Lose my career, lose our house, uproot the kids, and essentially committ me and my families lives to following her family around if they decide to move.

her reaction, she sayd i can get a job there and she doesnt care about money, she says the kids will be better there (she even said if she left me and took the kids, she said the kids would adjust and feels it wouldnt harm them much)

When i ask her her cons/pros...
Her cons - None, she doesnt care about the job, house etc...
Pros -
heres where it gets frustrating, i can give her all the time in the world to think about it, and all she ever comes up with is...
"i want to be able to go to summer BBQ's when my mom has them, i want to be able to go rolloerblading with my sister, etc..."

we have been to counselling, and our counsellor more or less told us both straight out that the things making her unhappy are in now way my fault or my responsibility.

it took forever to get her to agree to counselling. she wont go anymore.

theres simply not enough room to fit in everything when limited to 1000characters in these boards.
i dont know if its ok or not, but i am posting a link to a message board discussing this issue. feel free to have a read there, and reply here.
i suggest replying here because i would think yahoo doesnt want topics relayed to a different site, so this link is just to give you all further details on my situation in order to help you help me here.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=3198187&page=0&fpart=1&vc=1

Answer 1

she should be happy just visiting her mom and sister and other family members and let you keep your job and stay where your at .my mother died from cancer when i was 18 i was close to her i was the youngest girl i still miss her and think about her I'm 58 now ill be 59 may 30 th .my 4th husband is bi-polar he would get violent at times were separated

Answer 2

Well, this is difficult since she is bipolar and her sanity is a serious problem. I think she should sacrifice being far away for your family. It's about your family now and not all the extended members but since she feels she will not be happy being far away, then you have to make a decision, your career or your family. Maybe she will get better with the help of family around. Having family around is great for the kids. There are some advantages to being close to the family but your career may take a back seat. On the other hand, your career allows you to plan for your future and the future of your family. You just have to weigh the pros and cons and set your priorities in order, but she has to do the same. Hopefully, you can find some way to compromise. Maybe spending the weekends at the grandparents, once a month or longer. Spending all the holidays etc. Good luck!

Answer 3

If what you said is true, your wife is irrational. She would uproot her kids, and cut off the source of the family's livelihood, so she can go to some cook-outs and skate with her sister. A normal person doesn't think that way. I would continue trying to get some professional help for your wife. Maybe medication would help her. The main thing for you to do is to protect your kids. If she decides to leave you, and take the kids with her, you should do everything you can to keep them with you. Good luck.

Answer 4

You should seek marriage counseling. She may be feeling a sense of insecurities with you, that are fulfilled by her mom. Don't demand things on her. Try to turn it in a direction that makes her think it's her decision to stay where you currently live. Whatever you do, don't be conrtolling. It will only push her closer to her mom & further away from you. Deffinately seek counseling. Often you can receive free services through your church.

Answer 5

she is sinning greatly, no one should come before you, tell her and her mother this is endangering your marraige, and your children's future. she is abnormally attached to her mother and would not be a fit parent for the kids with her unbalanced priorities, tell them this could look bad for her in a court of law, keep your feet firmly planted where they are!
She wants to be w/ mom because she is bi-polar, and not because it is the sane, logical thing to do. Don't feed any sickness, the children would suffer in the long run if she had her way.

Answer 6

Well, I was VERY close to my mom, who died in 1997 of cancer, I was married 7yrs. when she died, thought I had a good marriage, but, when I did'nt have the SUPPORT anymore, I lost it too, was actually, mis-diagnosed w/ bi-polar, went through hell(w/ med's & such) I have anxiety disorder, But, 9yrs. of hell! I don't understand though, why she's so upset, since she can still talk to her? I moved out of state for 6yrs. before she died-How old is your wife? I wonder? I was 30yr. when my mom died, she really should be glad she still has her in her life. Maybe? you need to be there for her more? 'cuz when my mom died, I realized, she was really my support system-My husband never really did talk w/ me-get closer to her, maybe, slowly become her new support,that she has'nt seen was there? or maybe has'nt been there?? don't know, but, she's really lucky she's still there to call!!! wish I could!Also, maybe see another Dr. & see if she really is bi-polar or not, they label that disorder for everything I've found out! Maybe, she's just homesick??

Answer 7

awww Im really sorry you have to go through that .
I missed my famiyl for awhile when I moved away . Then I moved back home & IT SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! Talk to her mom & sister maybe get them to tell her it will be ok & that they can come & visit . I mean Doesnt she know she can go visit them when she wants , get unlimited long distance . Tell your wife she needs to grow up & I dont care if she is bipolar . She needs to put the kids & you first . :)

Answer 8

Wow, you are basically screwed. If you leave her, you will have to pay big bucks, if you stay, she will ruin you life. I would move back closer to her mother and let her deal with it. At least you'll still have your kids and won't have to give her 70% of your income for the next 15+ years!

Answer 9

Wow! My question to you is WHY might you % to stay in a relationship the place somebody treats you that way? that's degrading for one element. It sounds such as you deal including your spouse ok, and you do valuable issues for her. It virtually sounds like she is bipolar? have you ever taken her to a doctor to have her appeared at. have you ever requested her why she treats you this variety? If we as human beings manage a dogs that way we are charged with animal abuse. comparable difference different than we are human beings. You deserve extra ideal. in case you probably did the flaws to her that she is doing to you, do no longer think of for a minute she does no longer call the police and press quotes against you. Do you somewhat desire to stay the the remainder of your life being dealt with this variety? somewhat? And why? Get out while you may, exchange your telephone # so she would be in a position to't call you and ruin out....a techniques away. Get a activity for a trucking business company and leave and don't look decrease back. in case you have teenagers, take them with you. because of fact she would be in a position to take it out on them in case you leave them. enable her kinfolk manage her. She has some issues she desires to get a guard on and you will possibly be able to't do this for her. She has have been given to % to get the help she desires. of direction some human beings like to combat. I do purely no longer comprehend why you will possibly stay with somebody that treats you that way. She might desire to be doing valuable issues for you in return. Marriage is a provide and take between 2 human beings. We provide to one yet another and we take what's given to us in return, as long as what's being given is what we are wanting in return. do no longer stay your life in misery. positioned on your huge BOY pants and manage the region. in spite of if that's getting her help that she of course desires or leave. good success kiddo! i wish in spite of that's you verify, works out for you.

Answer 10

thats a tough one. I would try and see if it is her bipolar making her feel this way and if it is getting her on some presricptions to help her