What do you think of this verse?

Question

I recited my own little verse to my friend when I was in my "emo bubble of depression" when she said i was mute and deaf (bc i wasn't responding to their rude remarks). What do you think of it and do you think it could have offended her?

DARKNESS BLINDS
DARKNESS DEAFENS
DARKNESS LEFT ME SENSELESS
DARKNESS DEAFENS
DARKNESS BLINDS
DARKNESS LET ME WALK THE LINE
THE LINE BETWEEN GOOD AND EVIL
BETWEEN DAY AND NIGHT
BETWEEN WRONG AND RIGHT
I WALK THE LINE

Answer 1

Well I don't think it should have offended her, because it seems that you are trying to explain why you are not responding to her in your usual manner.

If you're asking about the quality of the verse, I would say that you are merely scratching the surface of what this verse hides. It is very simplistic, try to add visual texture, define in whatever words first come to mind what you felt. Maybe your friend might be more appreciative of what you meant by the first verse.

Instead of darkness say velvety mist blurring my vision, draining the color from the world. or a smoke that chokes and turns down the volume of what is painful noises.

These aren't good but they are kind of approaching what might be not only a liberating experience for the emotions that depress you, but might bring you and your friend closer.

Good Luck, I've been there and may the sun come up soon!

Answer 2

if you think she took offence then just explain to her what this poem means to you. perhaps she thought she was the "darkness"? Tell her about how depression is affecting you. But dont use it as an excuse to treat others badly. Be more concious of their needs and it may help to lift the darkness off you a little.

Answer 3

Concerned,puzzled; but I doubt it would offend her.

Answer 4

no

Answer 5

Yawn.................................. what??