Husband won't give me access to our cell phone account?

Question

We have a new joint cell phone account. Previously we had each had our own accounts, from before we were married. My husband set up the new acct in his name, since he decided to pay it. I could have just as easily paid it but I pay for the majority of the household bills. so this one is his to pay. I asked him to use a password he didn't mind sharing with me and he said "it's secret." i.e. he won't tell me the username and password to "our" account. There's something about it that bothers me - it doesn't seem equal - He has access to all of my phone call records, but isn't willing to let me have the same access to his. Or for that matter, not even to my own. I don't want to make a big issue out of this, but it makes me feel like his KID, not his wife. I don't know how to tactfully tell him I think it's only fair that both of us have the ability to log in, check minutes, etc. without sounding weird about it. Am I right on this?

Answer 1

So ummm this is the only troubling area that your concerned with ?...What about the lipstick on his shirt collars...The 'late nights' at the office...that new 'assistant' hes been training now for the past 3 months...the lease of the apartment across town he swears is 'just for his parents if they come to visit'...etc...

Answer 2

He's doing this because he doesn't want you to have access to his calls. He's doing more phone business than you think and he's hiding it. If he had nothing to hide, the password and username would be shared. When you have access to cell phone accounts, you can see EVERYTHING (incoming calls, outgoing calls, calls to voice mall, text messages, how long the calls were, when they were (just before him getting home, while you are away, etc.). Here's a suggestion. If it's a joint account, you both have access to the bill. Get onto the company website and create your own account login and password. If it works, don't tell him and review the bills carefully. If it doesn't work, call the phone company directly and explain the situation. Provide the correct information and you should get it resolved. Push comes to shove, reset the password from the site. The username should simply be one or the other cell number. Answer the secret question (mother's maiden name, etc.) and you can reenter a new password. Do it when you have plenty of time to review the bill in private. Make sure to download the bills in Excell format and save to a disk. You may need more time than you think. Be prepared as to what he may be hiding.

One more thing, try calling the cell company and request that they mail a hardcopy.

Hope you find nothing, but, I'm guess your gonna find something your not going to be happy with. Best of Luck.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

Sounds like a control thing to me...he is feeling inferior since he is not the "breadwinner". So I feel you are right on this. Tell him ( in a non-confrontational way) how it felt when he told you that, and that maybe he didn't realize that it hurt you. See if he changes his mind. If he doesn't, then he is being manipulative. Has he never had much responsibility ? Another point is that if you ever need to get your phone fixed or upgraded, he is the only one that can do it. That happened to us, we had our two phones and our two daughters' cells in the same plan and it was a major inconvenience for my husband, because he traveled a lot. We couldn't even take care of billing errors, it had to be him. My husband was the opposite of yours, he wanted each of us to have control of our own numbers, but even after several phone calls and in-store visits, it took about a year for the problem to be corrected.
Another thought was that if you pay for other bills, you don't tell him that he cannot use the lights or stove, or have any control over the heat or A/C, do you ? If you do, than that could be the problem, but it sounds like you are not the type to do that, so maybe bring that point up, he needs to grow up from what you have written. Was his mother domineering? Curious to hear how this works out.

Answer 5

Hi there, I always read the other answers before I put my 2 cents in and this time, just like many before, it sickens me how people can be that rude. Obviously, you already know that there is something not right; otherwise you would not have come here for advise. In any case, in my opinion yes, you are correct. A married couple should not have secrets, never mind hiding something as trivial as phone records from one another. Either one party has a reason to hide something or that person has control issues. Ask him which one it is. Try to stay calm, I know it isn't easy. But try and approach this with as much calmness as possible or the situation will get out of control. Never forget, the worst enemy is one's own tongue (meaning, especially in the heat of a moment, people tend to say hurtful things just to hurt the other party, for no other reason) I know, it sucks, as my son likes to say but please, get this straight now, not years into the marriage. It sounds like you are newlyweds. How long did you know one another? Did you maybe rush into something? I am not trying to be mean, just asking. Be it as it may, get to the bottom of it now. You can always call the cell phone company. I am certain you have his social security number and that's mostly what you need. Pretend to be him, if he has a first name that could be a woman's name too. Tell them you have set up an online account and the computer crashed, you can't recall the info, etc. Be creative, and don't be afaid what you may find. You already know that there is an issue. Gettin to the bottom is only normal. But before you go there, try talking to him first. Do not, and I am serious, do not threaten him (like, saying that if he has something to hide you'll get to the bottom of it, even if you have to play detective) Your young marriage would not survive it. Only go through the phone company as a last resort (if he won't open up to you) Good luck and please, you are still young, don't let anyone tell you how to live your life and don't let these negative people on here ruin your day. Just think about it calmly and then react. You'll be just fine :) MsB.

Answer 6

I was thinking the same parent kid thing right before I read it. You are a grown adult and a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP which means EQUAL. I am not sure why he would not want you to know how to access your account. It sounds more than fishy to me. Maybe he gets behind on the bill and doesn't want you to know since it seems like you are the bread winner in the household. Or maybe there are numbers on there he doesn't want you to see. I think you should go to him and tell him that the key to a good marriage is honesty and keeping nothing from eachother. If he is starting to control this one thing, I might worry about what is next.... Good Luck hun! Oh and by the way most of the time you can find out that information by using his SSN etc... basic info you probably know

Answer 7

It sounds like either a) he's hiding something or b) is trying to wrest some measure of control back from you. If you pay the majority of the household bills he may feel like you're being the 'man' of the house so he's trying to make himself feel more in charge by restricting your access to the cell phone records. If it really bothers you, ask him why he's so insistent about keeping the password secret. Something is rotten in the state of Denmark...

Answer 8

Don't put up with that bullcrap for 1 more day. He has absolutely no legitimate reason to keep any information from you, especially the cell phone records. You should make a big issue out of it. You are past the point of being tactful. You need to put an end to this bullcrap today. Stand up for youself and quit allowing your husband to have total control over your cellphone account records. If he won't give it to you, he is hiding something....specifically who he is calling and who is calling him. You are not being weird, he is. Very suspicious if you ask me...or anyone else for that matter.

Answer 9

Trust your instincts, dear. This isn't the time for tact. Talk to him face-to-face so you can see his reaction. Try to stay calm and focused so you can judge his eye movements. If he is lying you will know. Tell him that this is suspicious behavior because by not sharing this information with you he is sending the message that he is either hiding something from you, doesn't trust you or is being a total control freak. Look for other signs of secrecy and call him on them. If he gets defensive he is clearly not on your side. You should trust your own judgement.

Answer 10

I hate to say it, but he's being secretive for a reason. Are you getting any other 'red flags' from the way he's acting? Why don't you ask him to take your name off of 'his' account, and again get one of your own. You need to have him open up his lines of communication to you, and if he doesn't, suggest marriage counseling. Married people are supposed to love, honor, and trust each other, not hide things. I'm not feeling good about this at all, sorry.

Answer 11

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