I had a very bad relationship with my childrens dad we had kids early on in the relationship and little by little i found him out to be a compulsive liar and a theif i thought i could change him and help him but nothing worked and i couldnt trust him in my house with money ect i payed for the kids hiding money etc we moved away and 2 yrs later he wants to see the kids i cant trust him in the house or outside to be a good influence etc should i let him see them i mean he even got my daughter to steal sweets in tesco and thought it was funny. Stealing from his friends and family. I just want him to go away. Any advice for my situation guys.....? Thanks in advance x
2007-03-26 06:07:58 · 13 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i was to married to a compulsive liar ended in divorce.you cant stop him seing the kids but you may want to take up your concerns with a solicitor and see about supervised access. on this subject if u wish to e mail me u can.fairy_gdmthr@yahoo.co.uk.
2007-03-26 06:15:15 · answer #1 · answered by fairy_gdmthr 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line, he is their father so I suppose he "deserves to see them"... so I suggest a compromise, supervised visits, maybe you can meet him at a park and he can play with the kids while you're around.... as long as you can be around him without fighting with him, because your kids don't need to see that.... or something along those lines. He obviously can't come to your house, if he's stealing from you, so I'd say a public place where you can be and make sure he doesn't corrupt your little ones. If he's not accepting of this then I say get a court order, and make it all legal, let the judge know your concerns.... children are like sponges and if they absorb this from him now who knows what their behavior will be like as the get older?
2007-03-26 06:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by amelia_02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, please do not deny your kids the right to know their father. I am speaking from expereince with this! You might think that time will heal and the kids can have a relationship with him when they are older and make their own decisions. The only problem with that is, what if something happens? My mom and dad had an ugly divorce and my mom chose to take me away. My dad never paid child support and she refused to let him see me. My mom's mother, my grandmoter, would send him school pictures and updates on what I was up to while I was growing up. Her thought was that I could make my own decision when I was older and could reunite with him then. She refused to talk to me about him also. So right after my 15th birthday she tells me he died unexpectidly. I demanded to go to his funeral and did. I was expecting to be an outcast because I didn't know anyone and felt that I was a bad son because of that. I was shocked to find a very careing and loving family I never knew. I had a million questions and was able to get to know my father through them. But that still doesn't take away from the years that I missed not knowing him personally. I blammed my mother for years and it really put a divider between us. I have forgave her since but still difficult when I think about it. Life is to short and think about the kids and not your view of it. I don't care who they are they have the desire to know both parents.
2007-03-26 07:56:54 · answer #3 · answered by mac_attack_51 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand that you don't want your ex to influence your children and quite rightly so if he is teaching them to steal.
You need to weigh up the pros and cons.
If you do not let your children see their father, and they are aware that their father still wishes to remain in contact then you will be the bad person and in their eyes their father can do no wrong. There will then be the time when you cannot stop them from seeing their father (ususally around teenage years when they are most influential) and they will follow their father into his pattern of behaviour.
If you do choose to let them see him, you need to constantly talk to your children about what the consequences of stealing and lying are, make it personal to them and don't mention their fathers name. In time they will identify his behaviour as bad. Identifying it themselves will have more of an impact than you telling them that Daddy is bad, becuase that can easily be ignored.
At the end of the day, kids eventually learn the right from wrong and they will see that his behaviour is wrong. Hopefully this leads to their disinterest in him in contrast to an interest in a man they dont know.
2007-03-26 06:20:43 · answer #4 · answered by kabie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with the supervised visit idea. They should know their father, but if he takes them to a store and ends up getting arrested, the kids will end up being in protective custody-which could be traumatic. If he has prior convictions for theft or fraud, and you tell them about what happened with your daughter-the state should agree that he needs supervision. If he doesn't have a 'rap sheet' ask a lawyer about getting some character-related statements about his thievery.
Best of luck!
2007-03-26 06:18:31 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i´m divorced, 2 kids, the fathers drug addict and alcoholic...imagine! i didn´t want him to see the kids for obvious reasons...was told by the courts that as he was the father he had all the right to see kids. so i told them that i wanted a social worker present during visists, they turned this down and said that he could only see the kids if his parents were present. This was about 13 years ago..he soon got fed up of the visits, but his parents continued to take the kids on the visiting days. I have had no relationship with him since we broke up...but now get on great with my ex-in-laws, so do the kids who are now both teenagers, they know who their dad is...but take just as much notice of him as he does to them. They need to know who their father is and decide for themselves but try and get a 3rd person in to keep an eye on your child while she´s with her father. hope this helps you out. good luck
2007-03-26 07:01:21 · answer #6 · answered by maria s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you can't change anyone but yourself.
that being said, unless he has a court order to visit the kids then i suppose the ball is in your court...
doesn't he pay child support?
he needs to get help. sounds as if he has the emotional maturity of a 6 year old....
you have the right to protect you and your family. if all else fails, you can contact the courts or State Police for help.
take care.
2007-03-26 06:14:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a lawyer and go to family court so that you can explain the situation with the dad. Even though he has rights, the court can appoint him supervised visits.
2007-03-26 06:11:52 · answer #8 · answered by boricua_chick_21 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair to the children to not allow them to know their own father. You could demand "supervised" visitation, where he is never alone with them. Unfortunately, having children with another person means that they never actually "go away".
2007-03-26 07:35:21 · answer #9 · answered by SodaLicious 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no dont let him see the kids un-supervised. make sure your there.
The kids can then decide when they are older if they wish to have a relationship with him.
see a solicitor though,
2007-03-26 06:59:20 · answer #10 · answered by fate 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋