Before some people judge me for putting this online for strangers opinions understand that I have no one to talk to. I have asked my fiancee to move with me back to my home town. I have a severe case of diabetes and I need to be close to my family. He says he will move and then changes his mind. I told him I need to move for me wether he goes or not I wish he would go but I cannot make him do anything. He tells me he loves me but sometimes I think he doesn't. I moved 400 plus miles for him and our relationship. I was fine with that but since I almost died 2 months ago the need for my family to be around me is great. His family does not except me I have never done anything to deserve that maybe I scare them, I am very independant and my fiancee is very dependant on his family. If I could move for him because I love him so much and leave everything behind if he loved me that much couldn't he do the same? In my mind it makes me think he doesn't care as much.
2007-03-26 06:02:38 · 6 answers · asked by kekihigh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Love doesn't compare. If your comparing your love to his, your not doing either one of you or your relationship much good. It sounds to me like a power struggle. It's either what he wants or what you want. Your family or his family. It should be about what is best for the relationship. The marriage you intend to have.
If the need for your family is so that they can take care of you, you need to decide whether or not your moving there without him. If you need to be with your family because you almost died and you need to be with them emotionally, then take some time off and go spend it with your family, and then come back to your husband to be.
It's not fair to judge his love for you this way, try to find a compromise.
2007-03-26 06:30:53 · answer #1 · answered by Lady M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very common problem people have in relationships. We think that because we are willing to move mountains for love, our partner should graciously do the same. First, have you asked your fiancee how he feels about moving? You cannot expect him to show you love in the same way that you show him love. You are very different people and just because his views are different does not mean he does not care. If you are adamant about living closer to your family because of your illness, maybe you need a little more time to think about your decision to move home. Is it because your family comforts you? If that's the case then you need to understand that marriage is just about the two of you. You both will need to turn to each other for comfort and support rather than just towards family.
2007-03-26 13:16:39 · answer #2 · answered by RealTruth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the dependence he has on his family may be keeping him there. I know it is frustrating for you and you wish he could be stronger for you. You sound like you could use a total committment from him that should include him recognizing your dilemma and be glad that you want to continue to be close to him because of your love for him. I know its hard for him to just pick up and leave (jobs,family,ect) but obviously you wouldn't be doing this yourself if it wasn't necessary. I hope he sees how you need some family support and you are not getting it from his. He should feel bad about this . I'd look at it the same way you do. I know you want him to show just what you mean to him. I'm sure he probably loves you, but I believe some people just don't count on major changes happening in their lives. One thing about it though-you showed him what love is all about when you made that move to be with him. Hopefully, he will follow your example. I wish you the best.
2007-03-26 13:30:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, do what you have to do. Your health and a good support group are more important than anything else. He certainly loves you or he wouldn't tell you so. However he may be so hooked into his family and their judgements that he would feel inadequate if he separated from them. If he can't do that, don't judge him. When he can choose you and him instead of his family, he will be a worthy mate for you. Until then he is still a child.
2007-03-26 13:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by Alicia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your focus needs to be on your health first. All this extraneous stress is not good. He has to do what is best for him, moving with you or not. You need to do the same. If you cant accept his decision to move or not to move, then you need to move on for your own good. Good luck.
2007-03-26 13:16:57 · answer #5 · answered by CHELLE BELLE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOK LIKE IT'S TIME TO MOVE ON, WHATS MORE IMPORTANT YOUR HEALTH OR A LAZY BOYFRIEND. AND BY THE WAY, I DON'T THINK HE CARES TO MUCH FOR YOU
2007-03-26 13:50:20 · answer #6 · answered by sonya h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋