Is it possible for an adult to have "separate anxiety"?

Question

My friend has been seeing a woman who told him she has "separation anxiety, " as diagnosed by her psychologist, who specializes in relationships. Is this just a ploy to keep a sensitive, caring man from leaving her? (She has a sad history of breakups initiated by the men, not by her.)
She's highly educated, has a job that takes her all over the world, and is away from her children (15 and 13) for months at a time. She's also strong-willed, has very firm opinions, and has been advised by her psychologist to be more "pliable" and less insistent on her own way in relationships. Is it possible that a person like this truly does suffer from "separation anxiety?"

Baba Yaba, Will all due respect, I think you mean that psychologists cannot prescribe medication. They can, and do, diagnose a variety of disorders.

Croa, I had wondered also, as you do, how she could possibly leave her children for such extended periods. I feel that my friend is being manipulated.

Answer 1

To my knowledge, separation anxiety starts very ealy on, and is normal at the stage of around 1 year old. It usually gets resolved as the toddler experiments with things like games of peekaboo (wherein the child discovers that even though a person may be unseen they may be close by), then hide-and-seek. It is also reassuring to the youngster, when parents do leave for awhile, to see the parents return consistently. The child builds a tolerance then for the absences of significant people,, secure in the trust that they are safe, and the significant people will return. Sometimes we see toddlers do a back and forth thing of leaving the parent's side to go play, and then running back for contact,, and then running off again,, and coming back for contact again.

Some things that interfere with resolving this issue of separation are early conflict and divorce, or a traumatic separation (such as hospitalization), or getting really lost, or some thing that interferes with the trust that the significant person will be back,, or that they will be back with the significant people. The other phrase for this type of anxiety is,, 'fear of abandonment'.

Even though it may be a real complex and phobia type thing,, it is not helpful to 'enable' the person, by catering to the complex. If the person is getting therapy that is good. I think we need to avoid 'codepencies' wherein we are afraid to do the things we need to do for fear of causing discomfort.

Controlling behavior is often caused by anxiety; fear that things will go wrong unless we try to keep them in control. Rigidity is often related also,, to fears that if we leave our routines, and let go of tight hold on things that the result will be negative, and the same thing applies here about 'enabling', or catering to these fears.

So it is probably not 'just a ploy', but people often use things to try to manipulate others to their own advantage. So it is understandable if she is trying 'to keep a sensitive, caring man from leaving her'. What the sensitive, caring man should do is,, to balance and do what is ultimately best for both in a sensitive and caring way,, even if that is to leave.

Answer 2

Yes. And it can manifest in different forms. But so can guys. My guy and I haven't been apart for more than 16 hours in almost 2 years. Yes, it drives me nuts. But I can handle it most of the time. At first I was like.....aww how sweet.....and now I am sometimes like.....where's that damn deserted island when you need it!!! LOL But I love him!

I suppose I have it, too.....cuz I couldn't be away from my kids for that long!

PS. Sounds like she fears being alone indefinatly, and not just separated for some time. But one way it manifests is by trying to control, too much. (Usually other people.....or manipulation) That way she feels she can prevent them from leaving.

Answer 3

It sounds like her psychologist gave her that 'diagnosis' to help her save face. She sounds like a control freak! All the details you gave about he sound the opposite of someone with a shaky ego, as well.
And shouldn't she be having some anxiety around leaving her kids for so long at a time? Leaving my kids that long would be impossible for me.
I'd say to your friend "Run!".
Good luck

Answer 4

Hi there, I just laugh about my past 3 years of panic now. I was not able to go anywhere without carrying xanax. Fear of having another attack was the most important subject of my days.When i first found joe barry's web site i started to cry because of my happiness.

Free audio to end anxiety and panic attacks fast?

Answer 5

She may be successful in other areas of her world, strong in her personality etc. yet not having control over past failed relationships may definitely have affected her whole outlook on relationships. So many successful, wealthy, average, struggling,(dosen't matter!) start up a relationship then' love rears up it's ugly head' & they can't deal. sounds more like co-dependance than separation.

Answer 6

I'm sure adults can have separation anxiety but then again, this woman also sounds like she has control issues. It like those CEO types that engage in dominance/ submissive rituals... You know, a leader at work but wants to be told what to do at home...

Answer 7

My dog had that. She would get into the dirty clothes hamper, eat our underwear, pee next to the door, and act really freaked out right before we would leave. If your friend exhibits any of those behaviors, then she might have separation anxiety. Lol...
No, really, I think it is possible.

Answer 8

I think we all have mood swings. You know the directions on a drug bottle that says do not take this medication while operating a motor vehicle. This stands for men.

Answer 9

Yes it is possible and common. Your friend is not responsible for her actions, she is. He should cut the relationship and avoid this nutcase. She'll rebound without him and become a sronger, over-domineering ***** to someone else.

Answer 10

Yes.
My first clue is that SHE has never ended a relationship.